i will never cry at night again

i AM going to continue blogging, yes. just gimme some time to get used to this stupid thing, aka university.

LA LA LA

saw lara, ester and dave amar last nite, they came up to my rez. god it felt like vancouver for the while they were here.

i'm going to see the royal ontario museum tonite. i havent been drunk off my ass yet but i smoked pot with some of the rez girls and it made me want to barf after.

man i need to get out of this prison cell.

so much to say. will keep you updated. loves.

atmosphere, just a ten-letter word

at a homestay in North York right now. a short ride on the subway will apparently take me to downtown Taranah (wow that looks extremely odd spelled that way). anyway i'm super exhausted and should be sleeping or figuring shit out, but i'm not.

yesterday night, i saw Rox, Matt, and Dara for the last time. AHHHHHH! i'm sad. we walked around the park for a bit and then went to Ana's party, where i gave everyone good-bye hugs. godddaaaaaaaayum that was bittersweet. everyone was really sweet about my leaving too, though i suspect the large quantities of alcohol induced the friendliness. hahaha, since when do i hug eric and jordan and aylz? yea, exactly. they all expect me to be something really great and famous, and it only inspires me to be as cool as they think i'll turn out to be.

people wrote me letters to read on the 5-hour plane ride and i was really moved by them all! i've been spoiled by such good close honest friends over the years. it's amazing. i only hope that i will be able to find more friends as great as my four besties.

right now i'm lying on a bed in a silent humid room. my sister is eating coffee flavoured pocky and reading a book. man this is sad. i don't like goodbyes, but i'm really curious about what is ahead!

loves.

ps. what an optimistic post!

you are my face

it's been a strange week. but i am doing better than i was maybe three days ago.

friday: party at lara's

i had a giant conversation with pat at lara's party. we talked one-on-one and he actually looked at my eyes as we talked and he actually answered questions i asked and he actually smiled as he spoke and he actually wanted to be there, i think.

I WIN AT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i asked pat a thousand things and he answered maybe 90% of them, it was very satisfying after five years of silence with him.

as soon as he walked in the door i was all PAT I AM MAKING YOU A DRINK RIGHT NOW COME HERE, and when ben nagged on him to drive home, i yelled NO, BEN, PAT IS NOT GOING HOME RIGHT NOW, I AM GIVING HIM TAXI MONEY, HE DOES NOT NEED A RIDE HOME, GO AWAY.

yeah ok. the rest of the night is in my journal and i am much, much too lazy to describe any more in detail.

pat, xiao and i finished watching garden state at 7am and we went home separately and he said bye when he left: "well i dont know if i'll see you before you go to university but bye."

do i sound obsessed yet? barf.

saturday and sunday: (please excuse the sudden change in tense) ultimate depression mood-swing days where i stay in my head and talk to the invisible walls around me for hours. can't look anyone in the face. am not quite sane. this may have been because i was on my period, but more likely because i suck at LIFE in general. i am really, really exceptionally good at having stupid expectations, among other things. let that pass.

lara dara and i watch the O.C. marathon on muchmusic when they come over to my house. we eat teriyaki beef for dinner. i am an expert cook (ha). i am in love with the one-dimensional ryan atwood character in the O.C. okay this is embarrasing. NEXT!

monday & tuesday: i am okay now. less freakishly emotional, anyway. need to start packing, but still procrastinating. monday is the wilco concert, which is no less than great. it rivals the broken social scene concert i saw at commodore ballroom. "pot kettle black" is my new favourite wilco song.

monday night, we make a trip to calhoun's cafe and say goodbye to denise. it is her last night with us. rox bursts into tears. i start laughing because i can't absorb the fact that i actually won't see her face the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. shite. lara and i sit glumly after roxy leaves for home, while ester and dave chat up about toronto, where they are going to university, as i am.

tuesday morning, i deliver some things to denise before seeing her off, then i go to costco (ahhh syphilitic white walls and mad shoppers! - why is it that the only shoppers at costco are scary immigrants or white WASPy people with convinence stores? - please excuse the stereotype). i buy an external hard drive! wow i am a geek. by tuesday night, denise is talking to me on msn in montreal.

wednesday: i pick up my passport in the morning. i meet up with malcolm. he shows me his vacation pictures from malaysia, borneo, singapore and thailand (tho we didn't get that far). because of his foolish mistake of leaving his wallet in his room, we only have an hour to talk. i love his pictures and demand they go on facebook. i know he won't put them up though. i bus to ubc so i can talk to him for a teensy bit longer. it's sad when we say goodbye. there is sunset and malcolm does that emo-tear-down-the-cheek thing with his index finger. "you should make this into a movie ending or something," he says as he leaves, looking back. "i know what song to play to this scene already," i say.

i get a minor haircut. in the hair salon, i read korean magazines and manga novels.

i am packing, am on my third suitcase, but i have not even touched my school stuff and electronics yet. just clothes and books and some random shit. i am so.absolutely.fucked. for packing. even if i packed all day tomorrow (which i'm not), i would STILL be fucked. i am sitting here blogging overdue blog posts. i really need to fucking go to sleep, too. ahhh.

this post was brough to you by: fenny's nagging friends who would like to see something new when they hit "refresh" on ibidreams.blogspot.com (using firefox brower, of course!)

galiano island trip

WARNING: picture-heavy post.

i went on a three day trip to galiano island, a small islet near vancouver island. takes about an hour by ferry to get to from tsawwassen. here are some week-old piccies that no one cares about.

DAY ONE

7:00pm: ester and i get to the ferry terminal. we doodle in my sketchbook with markers in the departure waiting area. after an hour on the ferry, we arrive on galiano. we find the only taxi driver on the island, and after learning that we have to share the taxi with 3 other guys, a cat and a dog, the taxi driver (whose name was ryan) goes to get the island bus.

the island bus is a rackety, paint-peeling white vehicle the size of a school bus. it smells strongly of wet kayak gear. the road is rough, so i get nausea on the drive, but we got there alright, at about 11pm.

lara's cabin:




denise doing dishes


SALT. PEPPER. mmmmmm


pot brownies: denise was high off her rocker and i was pretty close. i started telling stories about jewish folk stories. right-o.

DAY TWO

1pm: we wake up, eat pasta for breakfast, and spend time looking at the view.


on the verandah table




me, es, rox.


le view


flowery ones: lara
purple ones: roxy
turquoise ones are mine


sketchbooks: me, es, and rox


well-stocked




my markers


ester's purse shit


OUR HIKE EXCURSION TO COON BAY THE SAME DAY




lara




i am h-core (read: stupid) for hiking in pool sandals


the reason why you take tetanus shots: in case you have to jump across an ancient razor-sharp rusted pipe


we're almost at coon bay!


i adore this picture.




ultimate camping item.


four girlies


aaaand we're here.


LUNCH TIME! (by now it is about 5pm)


lara: "pass the munchies"


a primitive substitute for a blister bandage


es and rox


lara has wet boobs.


the water was numblingly freezing. LOVE.


kayaks


i eat daras like you for breakfast
(this is my "pac-man face")


we leave the beach hurriedly, as we need to hike back for an hour before it gets dark


but of course, we get horribly lost off-trail and have to resort to bushwhacking through cliffs. not fun. we had no water, no food, and no warm clothing to last us a night in the forest. yikes.


after half an hour of stranded drama... WE SEE CIVILIZATION. omfg.


war wounds.


yay! a road, a road! we dash to the cabin, away from scary trails


BACK AT THE CABIN

lara shows me her secret hideaway, on her dock, and i witness an amazing cranberry pink coloured sunset. lara and i am silent in awe as we stare at the seascape, then lara opens her mouth:

lara: its so peaceful here. you know jen, when you have your mental breakdown, you should call me and i'll let you come to my cabin.
jen: thanks...... i think.
lara: ... or you can just call me before you have your mental breakdown and i'll make you sane again

WE ARE SUPER AWESOMIE.


it is still and quiet around me


lara


down the steps


rusted pulley?


high tide, cool toes


i could've sat on this dock forever and just contemplate life or something.


the waves are smooth, like the surface of a silk ribbon


but also very supple.




ester with my blanket, and me, with sunset colour on our faces


she loves water






DAY THREE

3pm: we take the sole taxibus on the island to the southern end, to the tiny ferry station


rox and bus in distance


this bus is so ghetto and smells like it too


at an ice cream parlour on the south end: ADORABLE DARA with maple and mango ice creams


my amazing "island deluxe burger"


we're full and lazy after that ginormous greasy meal


lara with her burger.

the trip was relaxing and pretty cool overall. plenty of nifty little anecdotes to tell. hope you enjoyed the pictures. they are on my flickr for your viewing pleasure.

this post was overdue by at least a week.

more posts coming soon. i need to go to fucking bed right now.