you are my face

it's been a strange week. but i am doing better than i was maybe three days ago.

friday: party at lara's

i had a giant conversation with pat at lara's party. we talked one-on-one and he actually looked at my eyes as we talked and he actually answered questions i asked and he actually smiled as he spoke and he actually wanted to be there, i think.

I WIN AT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i asked pat a thousand things and he answered maybe 90% of them, it was very satisfying after five years of silence with him.

as soon as he walked in the door i was all PAT I AM MAKING YOU A DRINK RIGHT NOW COME HERE, and when ben nagged on him to drive home, i yelled NO, BEN, PAT IS NOT GOING HOME RIGHT NOW, I AM GIVING HIM TAXI MONEY, HE DOES NOT NEED A RIDE HOME, GO AWAY.

yeah ok. the rest of the night is in my journal and i am much, much too lazy to describe any more in detail.

pat, xiao and i finished watching garden state at 7am and we went home separately and he said bye when he left: "well i dont know if i'll see you before you go to university but bye."

do i sound obsessed yet? barf.

saturday and sunday: (please excuse the sudden change in tense) ultimate depression mood-swing days where i stay in my head and talk to the invisible walls around me for hours. can't look anyone in the face. am not quite sane. this may have been because i was on my period, but more likely because i suck at LIFE in general. i am really, really exceptionally good at having stupid expectations, among other things. let that pass.

lara dara and i watch the O.C. marathon on muchmusic when they come over to my house. we eat teriyaki beef for dinner. i am an expert cook (ha). i am in love with the one-dimensional ryan atwood character in the O.C. okay this is embarrasing. NEXT!

monday & tuesday: i am okay now. less freakishly emotional, anyway. need to start packing, but still procrastinating. monday is the wilco concert, which is no less than great. it rivals the broken social scene concert i saw at commodore ballroom. "pot kettle black" is my new favourite wilco song.

monday night, we make a trip to calhoun's cafe and say goodbye to denise. it is her last night with us. rox bursts into tears. i start laughing because i can't absorb the fact that i actually won't see her face the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. shite. lara and i sit glumly after roxy leaves for home, while ester and dave chat up about toronto, where they are going to university, as i am.

tuesday morning, i deliver some things to denise before seeing her off, then i go to costco (ahhh syphilitic white walls and mad shoppers! - why is it that the only shoppers at costco are scary immigrants or white WASPy people with convinence stores? - please excuse the stereotype). i buy an external hard drive! wow i am a geek. by tuesday night, denise is talking to me on msn in montreal.

wednesday: i pick up my passport in the morning. i meet up with malcolm. he shows me his vacation pictures from malaysia, borneo, singapore and thailand (tho we didn't get that far). because of his foolish mistake of leaving his wallet in his room, we only have an hour to talk. i love his pictures and demand they go on facebook. i know he won't put them up though. i bus to ubc so i can talk to him for a teensy bit longer. it's sad when we say goodbye. there is sunset and malcolm does that emo-tear-down-the-cheek thing with his index finger. "you should make this into a movie ending or something," he says as he leaves, looking back. "i know what song to play to this scene already," i say.

i get a minor haircut. in the hair salon, i read korean magazines and manga novels.

i am packing, am on my third suitcase, but i have not even touched my school stuff and electronics yet. just clothes and books and some random shit. i am so.absolutely.fucked. for packing. even if i packed all day tomorrow (which i'm not), i would STILL be fucked. i am sitting here blogging overdue blog posts. i really need to fucking go to sleep, too. ahhh.

this post was brough to you by: fenny's nagging friends who would like to see something new when they hit "refresh" on ibidreams.blogspot.com (using firefox brower, of course!)