questions of science

quote lara 2 years ago, when she was obsessed about coldplay and other things:

i love my cat so much.

and theres so much i could write but wont

and life is simply good right now, even though there are so many less than perfect things in it.

i guess im just making the good parts count for more than the bad stuff.

quote bailey

it's driving me mad

i have my neighbor's standup lamp in my room temporarily because she had no room for it

i put in a brighter light bulb and it lights up my entire room

its awesome... and i will be sad to give it back to her

my throat hurts so fucking much. maybe i wont celebrate halloween tonite. i will be DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD

ps. im returning my coat from zara and buying a cheaper one instead. ugh money!

the book of martyrdom and artifice

... and today, we crown jenny as the biggest retard of all time. i dragged my ass out of bed at 8, thinking my class started at 9 today... when ACTUALLY my class starts at 10. fuck. ughhhh i hate mah life.

i do not want to do a streeter today.

hold me closer tiny dancer

this post is gone because it induced confusion, aka i didnt mean anything of importance. jeez!
november is novel-writing month. go write one in a month

girl, you'll be a woman soon

WHOLYFUCK

hey. i just came back from journalism/rta karaoke nite at a bar called reily's and my throat fucking hurts. i have a streeter tomorrow and there's so frigging way im going to have enough voice left over to interview people.... my throat is gonna close up omfg.

the last few days i've been fucking glad im at ryerson. i cant really explain all the details but i feel like im learning about life more this way. from people, yknow... the people are REAL and i never feel like they're pretending to be anything. some parts is still ehn though, case in point: i got 90% on a philosophy paper that i wrote when i was half-asleep. my philosophy prof is a fucking joke. besides that though i'm doin pretty good. im doing excellent. im fuckin glad i've changed so radically the last two months? will explain all of this later in a huge post. ive changed a lot, its quite weird. i am so optimistic compared to my old self and i am very chill too, never stressed. hahahahahaha you don't believe me, do you.

ate lunch with sean and his rta friend the other day. that was fucking weird. sean is a fabulous skinny guy. he has a druggie failure brother which is amazing because sean is like, going to end up in some "most successful people under 25" list someday. he's made like $1000 from investing already. wtfs!!!!!!!! anyway yea that was random. i can't even remember the name of the rta girl.

i sent in my photos to the school paper photo editor, and he liked them! fuck yes. i'm going to see it in the paper tomorrowwwww i think.

k i should get some fucking sleep. photos to come soon i promiseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

soothe the burn, wake me up

my room is a fucking mess. i woke up at 1pm and i have to go to class in two hours
hahaha
had a scary dream today.

===

AMBITION.
PASSION.
INTELLECT.
COMMONPLACE.
UNDERSTOOD.
NOT.
UNIQUE.
WHY.
MUNDANE.
DAYDREAMING.
UNREAL.

===

haloscan isnt working, blogger isnt working. wtfs. someone broke the internet?

i don't care what tyler durden says... i love my duvet

sskdfsdjgasfasdfj23kjwlejlwjfewjlfjwljflj3i9j032rja;jksd;ckmlfjsdlfjs

random facts from the day:

- CANNOT. CONTAIN. MY. UNCONTROLLABLE. ANGER.
- facebook is stupid
- blogging is stupid too
- a lot of the internet is stupid
- i know you know this
- i have a cold
- i need to save up money
- i ate smoked salmon on crackers for dinner
- library ate my brain
- i like studying history
- i remembered lamed, a kid from my writing class
- i think one more kid is going to drop out of journalism... is that even possible?
- at this rate there will be equal numbers in girls and guys in the program
- the kid is going to drop out of school completely and work 40 hours a week instead
- there are artists, and there are people who want to be artists
- why am i here
- why am i NOT here
- good thing i'm here
- is money really that important
- i dislike reality
- cynicism is a sign of lack of education?
- i read more of allen ginsberg's book
- it was rad
- to be a true artist, it is required that one is arrogant
- nietzsche sez, the man of knowledge must be able to not only love his enemies but also hate his friends
- why am i quoting nietzsche
- where are my friends
- my room smells fishy
- i have a new poster
- i dont want to work for the discovery channel like she did
- the most beautiful sounding phrase in english is "cellar door"
- ocad is the most idiotic building i've ever seen
- amy winehouse is ugly
- but thats ok
- cuz so are you

will you calm me

help me cosmia i'm grievin'

and i miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss your precious heart

we live in a beautiful world?

coldplay - don't panic
our lady peace - 4am
our lady peace - superman's dead
oasis - wonderwall
oasis - champagne supernova
the shins - new slang
regina spektor - samson
the thrills - not for all the love in the world
elton john - tiny dancer
semisonic - closing time
spirit of the west - home for a west
ben folds - zak and sara

hey you

i'm crazy for feeling so blue

listening to patsy cline's "crazy" on repeat. woke up at 11am and i have no idea how. i feel like thora birch's character from Ghost World, a little. listening to the same old song.

last night, half the rez went to a halloween pub party at Mick E. Finns, and the other half went to some kegger near here. dressed in costumes. i am fake-ID-less and could never pass for much older than i am. i do not have many rez friends because i find most of them lame and/or don't care enough to meet more of them purposefully. watched The Squid And The Whale on dvd with ray. a quiet, bitterly funny movie. then i slept in ray's bed for half an hour while she skyped with her 'rents.

we took off for the chilly streets at about 1am. drunken people in costumes everywhere. it was surreal. i was just a little tipsy and i was talking a mile a minute about god knows what. took some pictures by the old city hall. we walked past university avenue along queen street west. went to subway and ordered six inch subs and a drink. i had chicken teriyaki with lettuce tomato cheese red chili peppers jalapenos black olives honey mustard. it was yummers. ray had turkey. we drank iced tea. i fumbled with my sandwich cuz i was totally out of it. talked about shit. when we came back to rez to find people passed out in the hallways, it was 4am.

my room is a mess but i need to abandon it soon because i'm going away to canzine.

what is life really but a series of random events. sure, one plans to do things for the future, but living a life scheduled into 5-minute intervals is lame. i dont plan what books im going to read and i dont plan what im going to buy. i always dreamed of living on a whim, thinking about todays, not looking back and not looking forward. what is reality? reality is not in textbooks. it's not even in schools. it's so easy to avoid it. it's depressing. it's ecstatic. it's mundane. it's all of the things above and it's not daydreamy. life is easily malleable. one could be always a step away from leading a completely different life. there's a limit to time. is it all that we go according to plan, or are we supposed to cram as much random people, and as much random shit into it as possible?

im cold and i need to eat.

when i close my eyes you come and take me. so deep in my daydreams, but its just a sweet sweet fantasy.

i need a kamera to my eye, to my eye, reminding which lies that i've been hiding, which echoes belong. i've counted on days to see how far. i've driven in the dark with echoes in my heart. call my family, tell that i'm lost on the sidewalk. i scratched a kamera, i wanna know why, to my eye, deciding which lies that i've been hidding, which echoes belong.

i wanna be with the cinnamon girl, i can happy for the rest of my life with cinnamon girl.

i need your car and i need your love. i need your money so wont you help a brother out.

xoxo

there are many things that i'd like to say to you but i don't know how

three kids have dropped out of journalism already, and one is going to drop out by the end of this semester. WHAT THE FUCK. this isn't encouraging to me..... or is it?

coulda woulda shoulda.

am i living a real life as opposed to a dreamy one?

lots to say, none of it you'd understand.

we fiesta while tomorrow they die

right.... one of the strangest/best weekends ever.

will talkmore about it later.

had lots of rum and coke. im sure youre laughing at me right now.

its 4am and half of toronto's drunk off their ass walking around the streets in their costumes

anyway.... canzine tomorrow, er i mean in 8 hours.

so sleepy

happy halloween, i think

elephant gun

saw Ghost World yesterday. Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson are HILARIOUS in this movie. hahaha.

synopsis:
Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johansson) are best friends having difficulties with the social attitudes of other people. After graduating high school, they decide to get a job and rent a house of their own. However, Enid needs to attend Arts summer school to graduate but her anti-social behavior makes her lose her job. Meanwhile, Enid and Rebecca play a prank on Seymour (Steve Buscemi), a middle-aged collector of vinyl records that also has difficulties with relationships. Seymour and Enid eventually become friends. As time goes by, Enid reaches maturity and develops a different view of life.

Rebecca (Johansson): Oh, face it, you just hate every single guy on the face of the earth.
Enid (Birch): That's not true. I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers.

we've got heads on sticks, you've got ventriloquists

aced my math test today. hahahaha. oh boy. incredibly, i feel a twinge of wisteria as i do easy math problems. i actually MISS number problem that work out perfectly according to equation, etc. like lara says, THE WORLD OF MATH IS PERFECT.

went for a quick exploration of queen street west with jen. she gave me an issue of Cuspidor, her high school paper. a very nice paper. i guess going to private school has its perks (bahahaha).

bought a couple things for my harajuku girl costume, including a kilt-like skirt from a vintage store, fake lashes, and colourful ribbons for my hair. i tried on the costume and it cracks me up because i totally look like a japanese schoolgirl with odango-style pigtails.

went to the library and signed out "The Book of Martyrdom and Artifice" by Allen Ginsberg. jack kerouac's friend ginsberg. i didn't even go looking for it, but fortuitously, it was on the table by the sofas. it's basically excepts from his journals and poems. pretty facking great.

an excerpt i liked:

+++++++

CREATION AND WASTE
art = conscious selective creative self expression, which is therefore potentially communicative.

it is wasteful for an artist to create uncommunicative art. it is creative for him to communicate, creative because of the physical fact that more people are enriched by communicative than uncommunicative art. the uncommunicative artist's value is lost to all but himself. (during an argument, william burroughs said that art is just a three letter word -- that's all. it means whatever you want it to mean.)

+++++++

why should i care?

i need a haircut. i think i will snip some of my hair off myself. after halloween i'll get a real haircut.

here are some more strange poems. i lost my huge english binder and all i have is this stupid handout. i'm angry.

"the tapeworm foundry" by wershler-henry

people at the art bar andor take a newspaper andor take a pair of scissors andor choose an article as long as the poem that you are planning to make andor cut out the article andor cut out each of the words that make up the article andor put them in a bag andor shake it gently andor take out the scaps one after the other in the order in which they leave the bag andor copy conscientiously so that the poem is like you and voila you are a writer infinitely original and endowed with a sensibility that is charming though beyond the understanding of the vulgar andor do all of these things andor kidnap someone and them make them happy andor construct grammatically correct sentences that in a given text might link the last word at the end of each line to the first word of the following line andor continue to consider yourself very likeable andor take a cow that damien hirst has cut in half and then use it to make a squishier equivalent of a humongous potatoprint andor work flat for a while andor do concrete poems in needlepoint andor write poems for your pets not about them andor paint it on the soles of your shoes and then walk around while your shoes are still wet andor write a piece entitled nodes consisting of short homages to the letter n andor make people believe make believe people andor write even duller if you can andor compile a detailed concordance of all words

because the sky is blue, it makes me cry

busy day today. i woke up at 8am and scrambled to the VIC building to take my 1-hour grammar exam. it was not pretty. i hope i made the 75%-cut, but i wouldn't be surprised if i didn't. i drank a gallon of coffee and ate two danishes before the 10am lecture. ahhhh. the class is called info + visual resources, and we've done an online unit and excel unit, and soon we're going to be onto the ~*~*~photojournalism~*~*~ unit. yes i am excited.

after lecture, i grabbed lunch with sam, a girl from barrie.... she's cute and petite and listens to andrew bird. oh speaking of lunch, i went out for thai food with SEAN and his radio & television friend... so fucking random. i'll have to tell that story later. anyway after sam left for class, i went to talk to the photo editor at my school paper and got my first assignment ever as a photographer. hahaha. i have to take pictures of construction scaffolding in some school buildings. thrilling, i know.

then i had an appointment with my journalism mentor and talked to her for about half an hour before coming to my shitty four walls and crashing completely on my bed for three hours. a freaking three-hour nap! i grabbed dinner (tacos) from downstairs cafeteria with my rez neighbour steph... ate that shitty meal while watching the 6 o'clock news on CBC. guess what was on the news: raine maida played his guitar, busking for money to contribute to WarChild! just in dundas square! and i KNEW about this ahead of time, but COMPLETELY FORGOT due to my worries for the stupid grammar test (which i probably miserably failed). i was mad at my self.

steph and i talked about her cousin, who works at the Hour, for a while... she met George Strombo through her cousin and she was shell-shocked at how friendly he was. le sigh. if i'm free on november 7, i am GOING to see Ani DiFranco play live at the Hour with her. fuck im excited.

i was supposed to see the Darjeeling Limited tonite with a journalism group but i felt too lazy. i watched the tv for an hour with hillary though -- mtv's my super sweet 16 and ugly betty... AND bbc newsworld, for tomorrow's news quiz. eh i should be studying right now. i talked to denise for half an hour on the phone. i think i'm going to visit her in montreal next month. wheeeeeeee.

now i must study. there's an internship position being advertised for the Province (one of vancouver's newspapers), and i'm contemplating applying for it. i need to apply for a bagazillion more things. too busy.

tomorrow i'm going to meet up with jen and explore queen street west vintage stores. this weekend i plan to watch some movies, go to a pub nite if i have any friends left in town, and go to Canzine Festival (an exhibition for independent art and magazines) on Sunday. i need to buy my stupid harajuku girl halloween costume as well.

xoxo

this post was brought to you by: procrastination.

and they're all waiting for your hot track

read some whack poems today in english. here they are. we didn't finish analyzing them though. the stuff i figured out i put in bold.

+++++++++

in kathmandu did chaka khan a greatly measured moan by me. and what famed piece its power from a blast crouches [two words] bedly hands to be shorn. settles on a het slack frau. no iuds but in flings. our compassion hit the light. a fan's speech should expend one's clasp or what's a semaphore. 'til humane choices shake us, and we frown.

i have my books & my pornography to protect me. i have yielded in my amour. i am a crock, i am a lying man. all the holy peepholes, why do they all hum glum? i am a lowly fainter, i give in a pox of taint. joys, joys, joys, of an addict. i can't get no status action. keep me lurching for that art of old. however, whether mine? this pun goes out to the fun i shove.

-- stephen cain, "torontology"

+++++++++

"all the holy peepholes, why do they all hum glum" = "all the lonely people, where do they all come from?"

etc. figure it out then tell me.

la de da

holy shitttttttttttttttt i just had a semi-intense conversation with someone at my school (call the press!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

sdlf203331-490(#)#()R@#_q-okfsDFKFj#@dsdf

ps. i wrote an essay within two hours and didn't even look it over. im SO fucking screwed because of my stupid declining studying habits. FUCK FUCK FUCK A DUCK SCREW A KANGAROO. i wouldn't be surprised if i failed it, though i only put this amount of shit effort in because i got 100% on the midterm.

fuck.

please tell me will we ever find that again in the depths of trolley wood?

there's pre-halloween craze going around here. i need to put my costume together... so far failed. anyway. procrastinating right now. i dont even know why im not working on sooo much shit that i need to do. i was working on my philosophy paper two seconds before i handed it in.... i REALLY need to get a fucking grip and buckle down and do some work.

argh.

listening to my bloody valentine now.
cant wait for the fuckin weekend hahaha

speaking words of wisdom

i explode.

why don't we do it in the road?

god this made my fucking day.

++++

Jen // Fenny says:
hey can i ask you something?

Harley says:
sure

Jen // Fenny says:
why did you go where you went for university

Harley says:
i could have gone to a better school

Harley says:
in north america

Jen // Fenny says:
i know

Jen // Fenny says:
thats why im asking

Harley says:
but life does not comprise of school

Harley says:
the experience i will gain in thsi side of the world is so much greater than the title of which school i graduated from, which would only shine in their glory for several years after graduation, and then slowly fade away as real life kicks in

Jen // Fenny says:
i agree with you, but do you ever have second thoughts

Harley says:
i guess so, but every university will trigger second thoughts

Harley says:
its all part of the human experience, and i think being worldly and being able to actual be in a totally different culture is fucking huge

Jen // Fenny says:
youre right

Harley says:
i'm not trying to convince u that my approach to life is right or wrong. i am just telling you how i am going to live my life, and that i am content with the consequent consequences that will befall on me

Harley says:
each to his own

Harley says:
i guess

bubble pop electric

Greetings all. i haven't taken pictures since the j-skool dinner (a whole week ago) and it's making me very antsy. i am picking up 50 or so prints from shoppers today though, i am excited.

weekend updates:

on friday i went to a youth zine launch at the art gallery of ontario... i picked up some zines and buttons and now i'm tempted to write shitty poetry and make art like crazy. my button says PASSION WANTED. here is a sample poem from the zine.

Passion is more than lips,
forged by more than hearts
and finds itself to illuminate us more than the raging fire
before light, before excess,
we shed our tears in the name of passion.

++++

on saturday i went to queen street west, kensington market and chinatown to look for a halloween costume. i realize i've picked the most difficult costume ever! where am i going to find harajuku stuff? i might have to settle for being a schoolgirl. i bought these wicked vintage boots for $25 though. they are going to be my winter staple.

this is the look i am going for. i realize now that i should've gone with a group plus gwen, but there aren't even enough asian girls here to form a group of four.

in other japan-related matters, check THIS out. japanese anti rape/mugging device! turn yourself into a vending machine.

. .. . .... . .. ... ..

(link via raymitheminx.com)

pretty ugly before

WARNING: do not read on if you are lara. unless you want your letter spoiled.


i wrote this in english class. lara gets this in her letter. no i haven't mailed them yet, i'll send 'em out soon. (dara's and lara's aren't done yet, and i want to send them out all at once.)

oh lara. we need to do that acid-dropping in disneyland thing. i want to be scared to death. i want m life to be a lucy in the sky with diamonds music video. colourful and whimsical and airy fairy and relaxed and tense and sweet as candy, freaky as a circus. i want to run away to a circus. cirque du soleil. i want to wear masks and stand on the tall stage, absorbing the raptured crowd's applause. i want to be radiant. glowing with fake make up, rolling on glittery balls, shiny silver unicycles, retro and romantic as a 20s movie. i want to feel the adrenalin as i step onto the tightrope. i want people to gasp. i want people to take pictures, flashing away and shutters clicking madly.

holy shit what a rant.

it won't be long till i get to you

hahahah i just called malcolm then hung up without saying anything.

in completely irrelevant news... quote of the day: "dont be a mad alcoholic, jeez"

edit: shit i must be drunk, i just posted this without a title or label

bamboo banga

fuck i am soooooo depressed whenever i'm not around people.

... and when im around people

AH

ps. i spent like $100 on halloween costume/booze/groceries tonite. i am gonna be a harajuku girl. WHEEEEE. i need a schoolgirl outfit, crazy makeup and some shit for my hair. its an expensive costume to put together!

look at your watch now, you're still a super hot female

WHY is it that i'm so anti-people sometimes so often? i am always freaking annoyed.

my friend got a job as a volunteer copy editor at the school newspaper. i should probably go out there and actually do something.

speaking of which, Oatz got an editor job too, at a newsletter. im having lunch with her tomorrow, thank god. one of the few sane people in this goddamn program. she's like a combination of roxy and anna. odd eh.

armies and ice and dirty green

(warning: fuckin shitload of pictures)

i didn't post this yesterday, so here it is a day late:

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DARA!!!!

november 2005: our class went to see a ballet
this is what you call "awwwwwwwwwww"

that time when we sat outside london drugs and pretended to be hobos
beginning of grade 12

bike free dara!!!! - on 4/20 of this year


at galiano this summer


the day i met malcolm, summer 2006


at a "photoshoot" on a goddamn overcast day
april, 2007 (grade 12). hahahahah


the same day.



classic dare. family mini picnic, june 2006


dara and rox in "elton john clothes". hahaha
june 2006


HAHAHA. november 2006 (grade 12)
we had some fun with these (i think it was es, matt, dare and me)


holy shit this is old. valentines dance, grade 11


that time when we played scrabble at denise's house then watched hell's kitchen!
LMAO. summer grade 11-12


"dara gets hit by a car" picture. i forget what else we were doing tho
march 2006 (grade 11)


halloween grade 12. HAHA


at zach's this summer


richmond centre. june 2006 i think


the same day. heh.


beginning of grade 11. fuckin old pic. LOVES




in september 2006, beginning of grade 12.


at zach's this summer


september 2006


at hsbc fireworks this summer


october 29, 2005: dara and jenny bench-talk


new years party at lara's... i think. dec 31, 2006




last day of school (or something like that), grade 12, june 2007


november 26, 2005: grade 11 french class
(dear god that was long time ago...)




summer 2007, at ester's


winter formal, 2006


september 2006, in kerrisdale


dara with always something to eat. october 2006 (grade 12)


beginning of grade 12, for my portrait project


i end all of dara's birthday posts with this picture.
"emo kid with balloons"
october 2006 (dara's 17th birthday)

xoxoxo,
your favourite emo fob.

sweet adeline

Hahahhaaha i discovered this in one of my seven email accounts. please read this, then proceed to laugh to death

Grade 10 French group "project":

+++++++++++

Mon Problème

J’ai un problème. J’ai une amie qui ne m’écoute jamais ! Quand elle est déprimée ou excitée, elle me parle continuellement, et je l’écoute. Mais quand j’ai besoin à parler de mes problèmes ou les autres événements, elle fait comme s’ils n’étaient pas importants. Temps en temps, elle se moque de moi ou interrompe quand je raconte mes problèmes. Je ne cherche pas une bagarre, mais elle est très pénible ! Aide-moi, s’il vous plait !

Jenny

Conseilles 1 : Ne t’inquiète pas ! Je pense que tu devrais parler à ton amie au problème. Dites-elle ton souci. Dites-elle que tu veux son attention et que tu n’aime pas quand elle se moque de toi. Si elle ne change pas son attitude, peut-être elle ne sera pas une amie appropriée pour toi !

Denise

Conseilles 2 : Si j’ai une amie comme ça, je la donnerais une poussée dehors de ma vie. Elle est très inconsidérée ! Je dirais à-t-elle qu’elle devait apprendre à écouter. Bonne chance !

Toby

+++++++++++++

BAHAHAHAHA, AHAHA, HHAHAAAH, HAHAHA2SDFKLJ#33SDF#%