that's pride fucking with you

had breakfast with ester at fran's. i ate eggs benedict with hollandaise sauce, soooo caloric. took film pictures in the snow. bought stamps. walked around the shoppers drug mart on college street, took a sample of every single bottle of perfume in the entire goddamn store, we even sniffed the juicy brand cologne for 'decadent dogs', i am not kidding. each bottle woulda been like a hundred dollars. "you should buy it for you dog," i said. "uh, my dog's a man," ester replied. "you can buy it anyway," the freakish saleslady encouraged. "maybe for his birthday," said ester. and we left the freakish saleslady there. bought a fuckload of $3 film then, went back to my room, it was a disastrous mess and ester was probably disgusted. called up ray and took more pictures and then said goodbye to ester. ate dinner with ray, we both had semi major freakouts slash schizo sessions then argued then went to the world social forum meeting then watched the monologues then met up with mya and others and went to the tokyo police club concert at nathan phillips square then saw dave and ester again and we went to grab frood on queen street and we went into fuckin milestone's, where we saw creepy botoxed women and ugly men trying to hit on them? dave and i shared fuckin good spicy thai chicken drumettes though. ester had a giant plate of pasta and stopped eating after four bites and dave and i ate the rest. i paid the fuckin bill because i am nice and we wandered around the bank atms in the financial district trying to get some cash out so ester could pay me back. took the ttc TWO stops to ester's u of t residence, met up with her fuckin crazy friends who were calling themselves cunts because of this and that blah blah blah and there was some bitchiness going on and some definite sketch drama and joanne rolled a huge j and we waited forever in emily's room so we could go out and smoke but as i said they took forever, plus this dude bob was being a total douchebag and joanne was being a big bitch and a girl named hil was very strange, so dave and ester and me left the building and smoked the giant joint by ourselves while taking hilarious pictures on our cellphones. we also had some gin and tonic mixed in with snow and "it tastes like toronto," said ester. i got pretty high and started talking nonsense non-stop like that time on galiano island when we made pot brownies and i just babbled on for five hours while everyone else just sat back in the couch and listened to me talk and laughed hysterically because i was talking like a complete fool. but then dave and ester made fun of me for being completely talkative so i was like ehn, then we did some shit i can't really remember. oh yeah before i got high, i visted hannah in her rez room, a floor above ester. goodness, seeing hannah cheered me up limitlessly while completely depressing me. she wants to do a study abroad trip in hong kong next year though. fuck i wanted to weep when i saw her. it was pretty awesomeeeeeeeeeeee. i got depressed again so i called dara then ester bugged me so i became quiet and then dave and ester once again did their thing and then ester got really hyper and broke into someones room and basically walked in on a naked couple IT WAS PRETTY AWKWARD TURTLE but kind of funny. then we took ridiculous 'diary videos' with esters video phone. then we went back to her room, got sleepy, ester took a shower and i dont really remember what else we did. then i got ester to draw me a map so i could walk back to my home safely without being raped or kidnapped blah blah blah it worked. dave forgot to give me a mix cd! dammit. i walked home almost falling asleep and super paranoid about sketchy men walking in the snow. now i am in my room downloading elton john's "goodbye yellow brick road" while i lie in nothing but my giant yellow tshirt.

what else: ester thinks i might want psychological help after hearing about my new year's. hahaha. she plans to see a shrink because she can, for free, with u of t medical coverage? or something? whatever i didn't really understand. otie left me a funny voice mail and i snorted when i first listened to it. ray and i had a weirdish stubborn argument and it was weird. there was a cool party last night and i didnt go because my pride would have been at risk.

currently contemplating: changing schools, going back to vancouver, going to korea and live with my dad for a year, applying to u of t's victoria college for next year, changing programs to photography at current school, sharing an apartment with adam next year cuz he needs someone to live with, seeing a shrink, calling my mom, going through my photos, looking for a fake id, being emo, buying a holga, buying a fisheye lens, going to ikea, calling otie, reading on the road, cleaning my room.

word up