listening to patsy cline's "crazy" on repeat. woke up at 11am and i have no idea how. i feel like thora birch's character from Ghost World, a little. listening to the same old song.
last night, half the rez went to a halloween pub party at Mick E. Finns, and the other half went to some kegger near here. dressed in costumes. i am fake-ID-less and could never pass for much older than i am. i do not have many rez friends because i find most of them lame and/or don't care enough to meet more of them purposefully. watched The Squid And The Whale on dvd with ray. a quiet, bitterly funny movie. then i slept in ray's bed for half an hour while she skyped with her 'rents.
we took off for the chilly streets at about 1am. drunken people in costumes everywhere. it was surreal. i was just a little tipsy and i was talking a mile a minute about god knows what. took some pictures by the old city hall. we walked past university avenue along queen street west. went to subway and ordered six inch subs and a drink. i had chicken teriyaki with lettuce tomato cheese red chili peppers jalapenos black olives honey mustard. it was yummers. ray had turkey. we drank iced tea. i fumbled with my sandwich cuz i was totally out of it. talked about shit. when we came back to rez to find people passed out in the hallways, it was 4am.
my room is a mess but i need to abandon it soon because i'm going away to canzine.
what is life really but a series of random events. sure, one plans to do things for the future, but living a life scheduled into 5-minute intervals is lame. i dont plan what books im going to read and i dont plan what im going to buy. i always dreamed of living on a whim, thinking about todays, not looking back and not looking forward. what is reality? reality is not in textbooks. it's not even in schools. it's so easy to avoid it. it's depressing. it's ecstatic. it's mundane. it's all of the things above and it's not daydreamy. life is easily malleable. one could be always a step away from leading a completely different life. there's a limit to time. is it all that we go according to plan, or are we supposed to cram as much random people, and as much random shit into it as possible?
im cold and i need to eat.
when i close my eyes you come and take me. so deep in my daydreams, but its just a sweet sweet fantasy.
i need a kamera to my eye, to my eye, reminding which lies that i've been hiding, which echoes belong. i've counted on days to see how far. i've driven in the dark with echoes in my heart. call my family, tell that i'm lost on the sidewalk. i scratched a kamera, i wanna know why, to my eye, deciding which lies that i've been hidding, which echoes belong.
i wanna be with the cinnamon girl, i can happy for the rest of my life with cinnamon girl.
i need your car and i need your love. i need your money so wont you help a brother out.
xoxo
1 comment:
jen.. you're 6 months away from being legal. I think you'd be able to fool 'em.
_dara
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