it's 9 in the morning and it's grey and ugly and rainy. rainrainrain. it's sort of the default weather of vancouver but it's icky. i want pretty-baby sunshine.

haha, people hate my blog. thats kind of funny

ugh. why do i even bother.

photo: ilisu


wow, i havent blogged for more than 48 hours. this is quite extraordinary.

anyway. a shitload has happened today/nite but i can't remember it all, so i'll spare you from nitty-gritty details.

school is extremely tedious and utterly pointless as well as tragically annoying these days. i have the desire to fall asleep as soon as i arrive at school every morning at 8 20am. i pretty much think to myself, check my email and stereogum at lunch, and try not to pay attention to needy stupid people. i kind of doodle a lot too. last week i was writing "shampoo suicide" on a piece of paper and the substititute asked me "you have 11:30 written on the back of your hand, and you're writing the words shampoo suicide... so what is it that you have to do at 11:30?" hah. jenny in la-la land.

denise and i have been the most fastidious with our Keep the Beat work lately, though. We have far more to accomplish before we're actually anywhere even remotely near holding this school benefit concert for Warchild, but we've been productive this week, so YAY. (this paragraph holds the the most optimism i've ever expressed in my entire life.)

enough with boring details. tonight i went to the jazz cabaret concert at my school... and god, it was an awesome show. i swear i am in love with our drummer. don't worry, the falling in love part happens a lot. also, the trumpets were especially lovely. siiiiiiiiigh. i wish i played trumpet. i want a silver one that glimmers in the stagelights. i should have chosen trumpet over clarinet back in grade six... although i love the clarinet also. during some of the performances, i kept imagining conversations in my head, saying things that will probably never be said, and talking to people i will probably never end up talking to. blargh.

a lot of people at my school have such amazing singing voices. they sang Ella Fitzgerald and Ray Charles and god knows what else.

today in band class, i heard somebody playing the bass riff to the red hot chili peppers song "around the world".

i am so shallow. there is this kid who listens to wynston marsalis and the young canadians and bloc party. i want him to be my friend.

i'm going to draw and/or paint this thing and hope that it will turn out nice. i have shitty paints so i think i may have to settle with coloured pencils, which is the only medium i am only really good at using.

aaaaaand i'm rambling. ugh. i don't know what i want every day, i just live through it in a sort of nothingness. i do what i do, and complain while i'm at it. and dream some more.

ciao.


ps. neko case lyrics are frigging amazing. they are STORIES, people, STORIES.

im just about ready to pull out all my hair while dragging this stupid chemistry lab. i've only worked on it for the last 3 hours. wheee procrastination.

um.

so much homework for the end of this week. eww. plus keep the beat is getting on my nerves VERY VERY MUCH d asnglskdj;fksjadlgkjsldf.sdag.sdgsg.

also, if you have any mercy and heart, please go to this muchmusic link and vote for TIM (the guy 4th from the left). please, give him another chance in becoming the muchmusic vj.

if you watch the show, you should have already voted for him.

anyway. i digress. i need to go back to chem lab and make up some more bullshit on Sources of Error.

BAH. i KNEW i should have got tix for that dallas green show right away. i'm stupid and lazy and hate myself.

denise: read a review of the City and Colour show at the mesa luna. (from the acoustic diaries.)

it sounds lovely.

i wanted to see the februarys! booooo.

the new red hot chili peppers single "Dani California" is to be released in Canada on April 6. Their double-disc album, Stadium Arcadium, will have 28 tracks, and is to be released on May 9. [tracklist]

sweet.

in other music news... um... regina spektor is touring, but only in toronto. bah.

i'm not playing any music on the computer right now and i feel very awkward.

i finished the Catcher in the Rye yesterday. it was good, but i wish Holden called Jane by the end of the book. now i'm halfway into Franny and Zooey.


denise says:
i want time change
day light saving thing
i want day light
i want sunshine

jenny says:
yeaaaaah

denise says:
i want summer

jenny says:
ME TOO.

denise says:
i want no school
i want....... everything in the whole wide world
although thats kinda too ambitious

jenny says:
bah, thats too much for a birthday gift.
wish for something more feasible!

denise says:
haha
psh im not feasible
geeeez

jenny says:
psh

denise says:
oh i know
wanna et me some like
white out
white tape thingy

jenny says:
whaaaat

denise says:
for my brithday

jenny says:
o_O

denise says:
it would be much appreciated

i think my computer is controlling me.

Some people have been blowing me off lately, why? I don't know... Most likely because bla bla bla... Jake put it like this: "Nate, if a person likes you then they find time to be with you." he makes a good point. But whatever...

HAHAHA. i know precisely how this is.


btw, people should listen to "dream brother" by jeff buckley if they haven't already. it's too amazing.

anyway. we had lovely weather today. and i was somewhat CHEERFUL like i said i would be, in my last blog post. [i just wrote a bunch of shit here but i deleted it because it was just boring and confusing.]

it's nearly april. i wish it were summer soon... I CANT WAIT TO GO TO BEACHES DAILY AND SHOP ENDLESSLY. i havent tried it yet. i should accomplish something really big this summer.


i'm jealous of the weirdest people.

what a pointful weekend. mmhmhmmhmhmh. today i read the catcher in the rye for about about four hours straight. i think jd salinger pretty much wrote the story of my life when he wrote that book. i got my usual weekend-headaches and decided not to take tylenol, so i had to sleep it off for hours. then i studied for the math test half-assedly. uh. yeah...


tomorrow, i will be CHEERFUL.

shine on you crazy diamond.

i bought a tank top and a pair of capris (GASP). more importantly, i bought Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Fever To Tell, Radiohead's Hail To The Thief, and Neko Case's Fox Confessor Brings the Flood.

i could have bought way more cds, HMV is manipulative like that.

I went to an obligatory luncheon at the Rotary Club to read out my prize-winning poem to the judges/club members with 5 other winners. it was very, very, formal, there was a caterer and gourmet food and multiple forks on the table. there were a lot of old rich people, who we were told to mingle with. it was alarming because it was so formal and they treated us as if we had all just won nobel prizes (uhh.. yeah). we had to sing the canadian anthem and say the rotary "oath" before eating! that was just a tad scary.

i sat next to a grade 10 named Fiona, she was the sanest of the group. i never realized heather k is EXTREMELY annoying... and in my opinion, she doesn't really deserve 2nd place, but whatEVER.

anyway, i read out my poem and when i was done, some old ladies went "awwwwww, [sigh]". amusing.

when it was over, i got my measly money prize and shook some more hands and gave out an autograph (!!!). uhhhhhh i know what you're thinking.

when i came backto school to grab my report card, nobody asked how it went. well now they know.

after school we went to zach's house for some mindless entertainment. meh. roxy nearly killed me with a dart, that was the highlight of the day. we made a shitload of kraft dinner as usual and played soccer. i was in a super-shitty mood, but i hid it well. i can tolerate very few people in 11M. not that that's news, or anything.

im drifting from people and i don't like it, but what am i to do, demand that they change? change myself? yeesh.

this blog has been so morosely ugly recently, i dont even want to look at it anymore. it's like a toxic dumpster. shudder.

super awesome drawing that i did a long time ago:

storyline: snapey the villain goes after sk8er boy, who is actually a clever bait set up by jenny. villain is infatuated with the cool apathetic sk8er boy. jenny plans to save the world from the villain's neverending evil clinginess, neediness, and annoyingness. after she gets rid of the villain, she plans to get rid of the cool apatheitc sk8er boy also - he is too good-looking and is extremely vain and looks upon all girls as worms. jenny is my hero.

if people are pissed off and sulky, are you supposed to leave them alone or try to get close to them? jesus christ. i hate coming off as apathetic, cause im not, but coming off as clingy would be ten times worse. either way, i want to vanish.

i cant talk to anybody anymore. i can only talk to myself on my blog and be a super class-a loser.

i think im gonna go nuts from people being overly freaky.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i hate it when i feel antagonistic towards everybody and then i feel alone, even among tens of fellow whatevers. ugh. who needs people, right? booooo.

meh.

dundundundundun

i wanna buy the Black Mountain cd. and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs'.

today sucked. i am slowly becoming anti-people. or something.

i pretty much dreaded the next hour, next minute, the entire day.

the best part of the day was learning the auditorium techie stuff. it didn't require talking.

another highlight of my day was when i was in band class, and among the chaos, i heard somebody play the initial bassline to Interpol's "Evil".

ew school. ew people. ew homework.

i worked on Keep the Beat. When i came home, my mom had given a title to my untitled story and i absolutely fucking FLIPPED and broke down. what i did was extremely immature but i felt like she had no right to do anything to my (shitty ass) story. blah blah blah. what the fuck am i saying?

blargh.

it's a juvenile, stupid story that i wrote when i was juvenile and stupid. i hope they all hate it. if i win anything, i will LAUGH at the face of humanity. then die. dying is very important.

ha.

they are all back. therefore, we have a class of 29 students again, up from 14. i got to school late so i wouldn't have to go HIOMGHOWWASYOURTRIP for half an hour, but no use. i feel like an ant.

i've blogged like, seven hundred times today.

another post!


- Jen - says:
im not looking forward to tomorrow.

- Jen - says:
lalalalala.

- Jen - says:
they'll be like, "ewww, its jenny"

- Jen - says:
LMAO

- Jen - says:
i crack myself up.

- Jen - says:
*dies*

also, if you like the band Pavement (above pictured), you might wanna check out Tapes N' Tapes (i havent yet). i heard they are like Pavement + the Fall + the Wire. that should be good for any elite assholes out there. har har har!

i think my life pretty much revolves around homework cause i did none of it and i feel like im missing something. ew.



denise- says:
do u mind

- Jen - says:
i dont mind

denise- says:
psh actually it wouldnt matter if u minded or not CUZ IM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

- Jen - says:
duh.

denise- says:
today is denise is self centered day

- Jen - says:
hahahahahahahahahahahaha man.

denise- says:
theres a good 7 minutes left of it

im eating honey. mmmmmmmmmm

its kind of sickening after a while.


ew to all suzannes and tylers of the world. people in love are so annoying. barf.

i have a fever. i did'nt do any homework. i turned up the heat and got into bed and ate chocolats and read Hey Nostradamus! for 2 hours. i feel dazed adn extremly confused.

why the fuck am i getting so many emails today? ive checked my inbox a billion times today and i have `10 new ones.

ummmm

i was gonna say something but i forgot
i wish my homework were done.

aaaandd i just tried to put up a picture on this blog post but blogger hates me and it doesnt work.

i had a weird dream today. my city was being bombed. but i was living in an imaginary city, above the clouds. my mom was bleeding. the buildings were torn down and smashed. the sky was orange. people were stealing others' loots from vacant houses and stuff, the way people do when there is a natural catastrophe, etc.


the end.

colourscolourscolours

A is being weird about homework as usual, over msn. what a weirdo. blah blah blah

blagh. some photos.

distorted.

creepy clock. (during the power out).

i like doodling with chalk.

snow!

she wants to get hit by a car

she stares funny

civil disobediance

omg a plane.

disappearing plane!

phew. what a relief, thank the lord.

...
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!


now, i seriously need a shirt that says MYSPACE RUINED MY LIFE.
it would be ironic.
hahaha.

it would be funny if i had to delete my blog AGAIN. run run run away from internet!

moral of the story: keep your blog as anonymous as possible.

k bye.

i stole a salt shaker and filled it with sugar. hypocrite! ok, i think that's it. have a nice day.

i'm apparently obsessed with clouds.

i'm at that point again where i feel completely overwhelmed by good music. i feel utterly helpless, in a fantastic and out-of-control way. ahhhhhh.

lovehatelovehate

photos to bombard this blog later to come.

blargggggh it's first day back from spring break and i'm going nuts.

ARGHhhhhhhhhla;skdjflkdsa;gjdksljgsdfsdagsdgjksdflsd;a

um. doing good for the humanity is hard work.

i had a dream that a murderer was after me. the dream seemed like a sequel from another dream that i had a long time ago, but i don't know if that was imagined or if i actually had a prequel dream prior to this.

i bought the stars' album Heart. i also bought Hey Nostradamus!, Cat's Cradle and some jd salinger books. plus i helped my sister pick out a shitload of books. they will last us for a while.

I watched Erin Brockovich and Shipping News, (written by Annie Proulx, who also wrote the story of Brokeback Mountain). They were both pretty good.

yesterday morning, my sister and i went out to the park and then we floated over to the next apartment building's huge fountain and collected some smooth stones. we stole a bunch of them and came home and then painted them. they turned out beautiful. i'll post some photos laterrrrrrrrrrr.

i went driving and i don't suck at it. this is the best news in weeks.

... there's a lot of bad news involving OLP concert tickets, but i'm trying to erase my memory out of that. lalalalalala oblivion is the best medicine. it beats knowing shit that's too painful to think about.

blogger is uber messed up. it is kind of on the verge of driving me mad.

bleh. tip for people: if you don't want your blog discovered, DON'T WRITE ABOUT OBSCURE PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE WHO YOU DO NOT WANT TO LET KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A BLOG. if will get you found on google like BLAM!

i'm going to have to stricten my people-vocab. jeez.

i have a most fantastic slash most cliche idea for a story, but if i start writing, i know it's going to turn out to crap.

i had a dream that my favourite mug (above pictured) was smashed. when i woke up and reached in the dishwasher to get a cup to get a drink of water, i had a deja vu and remembered that i had that dream. it was weird because i went "oh yeaaaah it was only a dream..."

that reminds me, once i had a dream that my hand was cut up and bloody. when i woke up, the first thing i did was examine my hand.

i have too many dreams with blood in them.

damn and shit. i gave myself away with my pathetic spelling. i was supposed to be A-NO-NY-MOUS.

I THINK IM DUMB.


one day i'll write a story about how a daughter kills her mother, but with perfect rationale.

if you could compare people to songs, i am currently as original as nickelback's Someday. ew.


continued from previous post:

denise says:
wow i found 10 cents

denise says:
im like 500 percent richer now

- Jen - says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid blogger. why isnt it workingggggggg?
lalala

denise says:
i have 2 cents in my wallet

- Jen - says:
LMAO

- Jen - says:
im so posting this.

im losing it, you're losing it, she's losing it, we're all losing it. i've done nothing this week except read and obsess over the fact that i'm doing nothing. i think i'm going to go truly mad from the pointlessness of my own existence.

blogger is being retarded as usual, blarghhh

plus everyone is being a fucktard, i want to slap them all.

aghsdafk;djflajgwa'wegjw3alksdjdj;;fjsds;adjg;j;jgsasfjgsjk

I AM COMPLETELY UNCREATIVE AND I HAVE ZERO IDEAS WHATFUCKINGSOEVER IN MY HEAD AND I THINK IM GOING TO DIE OF UNHEALTHINESS DUE TO LACK OF SLEEP AND/OR BAD EATING HABITS AND/OR ZERO FITNESS. I MIGHT AS WELL LITERALLY BE A PEELED POTATO AND YOU'D SEE ZERO FUCKING DIFFERENCE. AND IM FUCKING ANGRY.

the lineup for the lollapalooza has been announced. a bazillion bands are playing, including:

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Kanye West
Wilco
Death Cab For Cutie
The Flaming Lips
Queens of the Stone Age
The Shins
Ryan Adams
Sonic Youth
Thievery Corporation
Sleater-Kinney
Broken Social Scene
The New Pornographers
Iron & Wine
Panic! At the Disco
Stars
Cursive
Nada Surf
Feist
The Frames
The Go! Team
Mute Math
The Subways
Of Montreal
Blue October

it's my life goal to attend at least one Lollapalooza festival in my life time. that and Glastonbury and Coachella.

anyway. last nite i kind of lost my mind and threw a friggin tantrum because of something mighty trivial and stupid, i can't even remember what it was about anymore. i cried and laughed hysterically and my mom said that i was going senile. i agreed. i used up half a box of kleenex and laughed whenever my sister did something completely normal, like clean her glasses.

uh.

i watched Girl with a Pearl Earring. i liked it a lot. then i watched some trash tv (ie muchmusic) until 3am. hey did you know Pilate has a new single? yeah me neither, until last nite. also i realized that mary j blige annoys me a lot.

i have more things to say but don't know how to say them. in short, people come to jenny for advice and she gives pseudo-wise counsel in which she has zero experience in. always. it doesn't frigging make sense why they all come to me (again and again) for deep insight when they all know i am a frigging sixteen year old who has no Life Knowledge.

ok bye.

the day is slipping away. i look at the clock one moment and look at it again a few moments later, and it's already half past 3.

i get e-mails titled ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE SAT? ugh. i get a shitload of junkmail, so i kind of want to change my e-mail address, but i have a paranoia of losing touch with people Who Will Probably Never E-mail Again Anyway. i've had my hotmail account since i was in grade four.

i think i would like my nonexistant story better if somebody else wrote it.

i'm reading anais nin's journals. i've barely started yet it's the most amazing thing i've read in a while.

maybe i'll go swimming.

i am king roo! play my game.

bleh i'm fucking starving.

its 3 50am. it would be a somewhat sane idea to go sleep right now.

above picture: we reached a new low of boredom today as my sister clicked her way into her old neopets account and we played dice-a-roo (a gambling game) only about 700 times. so addicting. i am amused out of my fucking wits.

also more boredom: we quizzed each other on harry potter like we used to when i was in grade 7, she in grade 4. it's frigging hilarious because it's so nerdy. she can, you know, recite the sorting hat song and stuff.

tomorrow, er, today, is tuesday, and my spring break homework is abandoned and ignored.

and i'm hungry.

This is going to be my attempt at writing the most coherent, cohesive, and convincing blog post, complete with correct capitalization, punctuation, grammar, syntax, and spelling.

See?

I re-watched the Wilco film, I Am Trying To Break Your Heart. It was even better than I remembered it to be. I love the fact that Tweedy and Co. start out with definitive, more or less pop songs, and then destroy them afterwards to get a more exciting and creative effect. It's the most interesting idea I've heard in a long time. Jeff Tweedy's kid is so goddamned adorable. It appears to me that all musicians' kids are.

I also re-watched the Matthew Good DVD... ugh. His music videos are so good that they make me ill. Watching them makes me want to become a frigging cinematographer/director/filmmaker.

Neko Case is my 15th most-listened-to artist on the computer. I kind of want to go to her concert, which is in July. She reminds me of Janis Joplin a lot, although that analogy is probably imprecise. More like a female version of Neil Young. Actually, that doesn't sound 100% accurate either.

I have been ordered to write a short story by March 25th. It's asking for the impossible, there's nothing floating in my mind to write about. Maybe if i pondered really hard, I could come up with something. I doubt it.

I sometimes find it weird when I look at the visits stats for this blog, which I do once in a while. It's somewhat strange to see numbers added up like that. I almost feel like it's lying to me, but I am obviously wrong.

I almost went an entire day without a single nap, but no, I slept for 2 hours because I had a headache. Thanks to this excess of rest, I can't go to sleep, even though it's 3am. They aren't really naps, but I just lie under the covers with my eyes closed, and just breathe and think for a couple of hours. It's probably one of my favourite things to do on a daily basis. I am oh-so-productive with my time.

you are free

it's raining like crazy but also shining brightly with sunlight as if it were summer. i can see huge puddles reflect light. there are also huge rainbows. this is extremely odd.

i wish it were night.

go on, run and run
people running running running

kim gordon!

blogger is being finicky. i have to type blogger.com press enter about a hundred times, hit refresh over and over and wait about an hour for it to upload onto the screen.

there was a power outage last nite. twice, at 9pm then again at around 11pm. both times, i was on the computer and freaked because i thought i fucked up the computer. it erased whatever i was writing/downloading, and i can't seem to recover it. bleh. annoy annoy annoy. we didn't light candles, we used flashlights. i wanted music, so i cranked up my (portable) cd player to full volume. i could barely hear it, but meh, it's something.

ive been having a nosebleed daily recently. i wake up, go to the bathroom, spit into the sink and there's a lot of runny red blood. or sometimes i wash my face then realize my hands are covered in red soap bubbles, ew. i hope it would stop cause it's a fussy waste of time trying to deal with it every morning. plus i go through too many towels, and i have to do more laundry that way.

i finished reading a million pieces. it was okay. then i had a sudden urge to read harry potter #1 so i read some of that. all my copies of hp are unpleasantly ripped/written in/taped/thumbed/dirtied, but the first book is the worst.

im talking to my mom on msn. she's in the living room, approximately 4 seconds away from where i am. we talk in idiotic downloaded animated emoticons and send each other photos. we're hilarious.

please burst into ecstatic sequins with me.

i'm listening to frou frou. krista would be excited.

everyone sounds bored from spring break already. i know i am. more like on the verge of going fucking insane.

sometimes, being around productive, successful people make me feel like crawling into little corners, staying there, and becoming a total hermit. ughhhhhhhhh. i want to shoot them all and scream STOP BEING GOOD, OKAY, YOURE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, kay thanks.

... AND HE GOT STONED TO DEATH.
(this would make a good ending to a story.)

i strongly dislike it when somebody is depressed and i'm not, and i can't do anything about it. it's somehow ten times worse than when i'm depressed and my friend is not.

...
guy on the bus: hey, you wanna see my drawing?
girl: *looks*
guy on the bus: do you know who it is?
girl: yeah, jim morrison
me: can i see?
...

"i'll always be a dreaming man, i dont have to understand, i know its all right"

stop being fucking depressed, people! things are miserable enough. askfj;lsdjfklagjsdj;gawledsf3.df3. did you know that my brain is turning to mush? one day, i'd like a brain made of glass, please. i want a razor-sharp, transparent, cold brain.

i eat salt and pepper when there's nothing to eat in the house. i always thought everybody did that, for some reason.

pull up the people

The sleepover was fun. We binged on cheezies and pretzels and watched three movies back-to-back (Walk the Line, Proof, Benny & Joon). So that’s probably 6 hours of sitting in front of the tv, right there. I absolutely adored benny & joon. I love weird movies.

After we finished the movies at around 2 30am, we didn’t even talk endlessly, we just went straightaway to sleep. Lara’s cat kept sneaking and jumping on my legs, I musta woken up 10 times during the nite.

We ate pancakes with lots of becel and maple syrup when we woke up at 11 30am. ELEVEN THIRTY A.M! yeesh. I ate some sea salt and freshly ground pepper too because I always do that when I go over to lara’s. mmmmm pepper.

i came home and vacuumed every corner of the apartment. then i did the dishes, then the laundry, then took a shower, then watched benny & joon again.

phew.

i've been listening to M.I.A. and Neko Case endlessly this weekend. M.I.A.'s song "pull up the people" is the most addictive song ever.

still i wish i was by your side

i'm on a Sarah Slean kick. i've been listening to her cds for 3 days straight now.

tonite i'm having a sleepover at lara's. just a bunch of us, chips, and movies. mmmmmmmmm.

its nearly 4pm and i'm going to have my lunch now!

my head is spinning with lots of shit recently. maybe this week i'll sort it all out, because it's slowly deteriorating my mind.

reservation on the next train to the moon

lalalalalalala

sleep go down low ouch creepy plus scratchy tear water nose sting bleh cry talk nobody one why? sleep sleep can't spooked warped want normal ugh now um alone happy eat swallow chew piano chords rolling head haunted stuck melody god voice want sleep doze memory magician song puff scared strange glass eye down high low bad no obvious island sorry help goth eww picture chalk orange colour hurry cellphone low scream hate stupid band neko real draw run! don't you dare hi quotes hide now! hair green shhh shut up melt be art waiting? please find boots nice white smile sprinkles 10 steps to rock stardom vain black eat worms undone dark blond sheep text me row don't pink hooker wig chop off twist yuck misery quite misleading sweet retarded couple no said she meet daydream write windsurfing scribble dust chalk sleep guitar listen mixtape i wish.

i watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. it made my head spinnyspinnyspinny.

its 1 37am. i have Regina Spektor's song the Flowers in my head and i'm very, very, very, creeped out.

i want this cd.

aghdjjfjfkld;flds;fdfsfd3dfd.

i'm so glad im an island now!

everything annoys the fuck out of me today. barf.

on friday, we watched David play the shit out of the drums with his band, at the ever-so-pointless pep rally.

his old band, the unsung heros, actually have a LP... i'm sort of impressed. he reminds me of ian mackaye. the music is somewhat similar to fugazi, but it's his punk ethic that reminds me of him.

i feel uncompetent and stupid compared to these people making their dreams come true. i need a "myspace ruined my life" shirt. i don't want to get a job, but i do, really. i have conflicting, ambivalent feelings towards everything.

people are being retarded. i want to scream at them to shut the fuck up. there are OTHER people in this world, too, contrary to your self-obsessed opinion. well isn't this all so profoundly stupid. let's all piss people off and feed off each other's pissed-off-ness, it will make us more depressed and angry and antagonistic against everything. cause we're cool like that. im sure this is a phase and this will pass, like every other shitty phase, blah blah blah. soon it will be as if nothing happened. ha ha ha.

tomorrow i go out for lunch with my photography course people. i am somewhat looking forward to it. i need to be at places where i am unknown or unfamilar to people, i feel better that way.

i wrote out too many text messages today but only one of them replied.

it occured to me recently that nobody really knows anybody well. i feel like a ghost. maybe it's better off that way, because i can't seem to make ties with people anymore.

maybe i will go to that Dust concert on tuesday. wow that would be so random. i would see luisa there if i go.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH

i have a secret admirer. what a fucking laugh.

i will possibly puke out blood if i have to read out my delightfully disgusting poem to some people.

ewwww. i shudder at the thought.

dara blocked me on msn. dammit.

LET'S ALL PLAY ONE-BULLET RUSSIAN ROULETTE.

love rhymes with hidious car wreck

bleh.

i am bored to the point of being depressed. i feel like one of those suicidal druggie kids in tiny, obscure towns. somebody save me from this shitty week. i am very, very disappointed/miserable from the goddamned our lady peace concert shit that has been taking over my life for the last few days...... i feel betrayed and extremely depressed, as if i have been ditched by a mother.

i started crying 'cause i didnt want to read my stupid, fucked up poem out to a bunch of strangers.

dara is hiding many secrets from me.

today was weird to the max. since when do i get anonymous gifts?


...


i feel bored to the point of being depressed

No being depressed!

the way kids in obscure lil towns become suicidal, etc

NO BEING SUICIDAL

dont worry, im not suicidal

Good. I might have to kill you, were that the case.

how ironic.


...


Classifieds: Sixteen-year-old thoughtful girl seeks an interesting life. Must be a dignified life, with many interesting people relations and activities and events. Teenaged lives are preferred. Needs to have creative aspects (arts and so on), as well as intelligent aspects (education and so on). Needs to be provided with simple material goods, such as clothing, music, books. Needs a daily routine, or a regular schedule. That is all.


holy god, i just re-read the above paragraph and i realized i CAPITALIZED at the right places! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeird.

bah. i kind of realized i am somewhat talentless
and everything-less
err.
i mean,
im not really what i want to be.
im not really everything i say i am. or something.
im INSANE, thats what.
its like when moses finds out he's not REALLY a prince of egypt
(except a hundred thousand times less serious.)

right-o.
this is a stupid blog post.

i dont really deserve to listen to music....

i know someone who's exactly like me. she wants to be a journalistwriterthingy too except she's a billion times more competent than i am, or will ever be.

My photography instructor moved me and Eric to the advanced class. sweet. i'll probably feel really uncreative and stupid and extremely challenged among the pre-artschool students. meh. I PRETEND TOO TOO MUCH.

this Eric listens to the magik marquers... on a CD PLAYER. (this is an example of jenny's superficial over-analysis of stupid details. like the way she notices pat wearing converse shoes and thinks a lot about it.)

everyone lovehates pat because he's hot but doesn't socialize with people whatfuckingsoever.
he's a perfect weirdo.

hey did you know someone found my blog through google, AGAIN? goddamned google! GO THE FUCK AWAY, I DONT LIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE READING MY STUPID WHINY BLOG. (hence my point: that sentence was completely in caps) hmmm maybe i should just STOP BLOGGING, thats what i should do. or be completely anonymous and use a frigging pseudonym.

my mom wants me to write an entire novel by the time i finish grade 12. too bad i hate everything i write one week after i finish writing them. plus im scared of people reading my thoughts put into literary form (ew).

i kinda wish i'd been born a sciency person so i dont have to worry the fuck about not being able to earn money when i grow up. i can picture myself living in a sketchy, single-roomed apartment with a typewriter and a scratchy cot.

... no, i dont really. more like living out of a suitcase and a sleepingbag, begging friends if i can sleep at their house while i get a job.

this is too funny.

i should ask denise for that story i wrote a looooong time ago about me being a fifty-year-old lady who lives with a hundred cats and updates livejournals and has zero life.

or i should do some chemistry homework. fuck.

or maybe i should do something i should have done years ago just to SPITE DARA and make her be part of the sketchy pot-smoking crowd. hahahaha. wow i am so immature it's funny.

or maybe i should just go to frigging sleep.

lesson of the year: DON'T BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

stupid stupid, mutter mutter


shit from my nonexistant work on socials homework so far:

1. Analyze the causes of unrest in the 1960’s and the rise of counter-culture. What are the critical attributes of social change? Defend your answer.

• Define the Dominant culture of the US during the 1960s
• Define the minority culture of the US (?)
• Define the counterculture of the US – “For the purposes of this paper, counterculture is defined as …”
• Contrast the counterculture to the dominant culture
• Answer question: why did counterculture happen as a reaction to the dominant culture?
• What are the critical attributes of social change? (?)

Barghasdfklsdjf erlack. WHY DO I NEED TO START A PAPER THAT'S DUE IN 2 MONTHS NOW?!


ps. i seriously need detox from school life.

phew. i went through a horrible ordeal of buying concert tickets. anyway i'm trying not to think about it too much. i feel like ive been a car crash, i feel tired and post-traumatized. i think i need some relaxants. i hate this stupid complicated concert shit dealie. i want to forget about this goddamned thing.

anyway, i saw "Why We Fight". it was very interesting, like i didn't know half the things they mentioned about the corporate-ness of war, and all the profit made. by the end of the movie, though, the theatre was freaking freezing, and i nearly fell asleep.

i walked home with dara, after the movie. when dara and i split ways, i saw emily and i walked the rest of the way home with her. we talked about the movie the Prince of egypt, cause i randomly remembered it.

it was snowing today... in early march, and of all places vancouver... it was some real shitty weather, but it got sunny at the end.

my english teacher called me at my house today. she told me that i've won an Honourable Mention for the poetry contest i entered... i was happy. i wanted anything better than the honourable mentions (1st and 2nd places) but i guess it is good enough. my english teacher was hyper when she told me the news. "this is so COOL," she said giddily.

i guess i should go do some social studies homework. i have to write an essay on the counter-culture of 1960s. mmmmhmm.

bah bah bah. today is just straight up weird.

i want to sleep and forget about everything... it's tiring me out.

2 more torturous days of school left, and i can't wait until spring break. i want to sleep for 15 hours straight.

i have a fever again.

my mom's on tv. im proud of her, but there have been way too many phone calls today, like 3 per half-hour. i'm sick of answering the phone.

yesterday nite, i folded about 700 loads of laundry, read for 3 hours, sulked, stared at the computer, ate slices of cheese, and went crazy over the OLP tickets until 1am. then i had a tiny fever and had some cold medicine.

i found a lost credit card on the asphalt street yesterday after school. i took it in for safety, but i dont know how to return such a thing to the rightful owner, so i guess i'll just throw it out safely, so the owner can freeze her account and get a new one. i didn't want some evil strange person to buy shit with the credit card. it the belonged to a Monica.

all morning today i spammed olp forums and checked ticketmaster a bajillion times. i hope there are good seats left on ticketmaster for tomorrow's presale, i am getting the $50 seats.

ENOUGH OLP CONCERT TALK! i might shoot myself from this online insanity.

...

today when i got out of bed, my alarm was ringing: in other words, i ACTUALLY WOKE UP TO MY ALARM!!!! it was surreal. i walked out my door half-asleep and probably looked like a banshee with unkempt hair. i forgot to take my watch and my cellphone to school. today was bizarre and odd because it was same-y grey and pouring all day, and it seemed like time didn't pass at all. i seem to be stuck in this ugly, cold blahness. the day hasnt made any sort of progress whatsoever. my ankles are freezing cold.

there are some grade 8 boys in this school computer lab, and they couldn't be any more retarded.

i'm STUCK.

STUPID FUCKED UP TICKETMASTER/SONY. WHO PAYS $250 TO SEE OLP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

im in the middle of intense ticket discussions
weird.
i can get tickets by WEDNESDAY through some people, but i cant leave my friends behind, so i have to buy tix thru the cfox presale which is happening on THURSDAY.

I AM CURRENTLY IN A STATE OF COMPLETE FRENZY BECAUSE OF STUPID OUR LADY PEACE CONCERT PRESALES AND WHATNOT.

i wonder who is coming with daniel victor for Neverending white lights!!!!! pray pray pray dallas green PLEASE GOD PLEASE.

wow today was a complete SHIT DAY, it coincided with an exciting and happy morning (i woke up to a text message that was basically OMFG OLP ARE PLAYING IN VANCOUVER ON APRIL 27/28!!!!) and went straight fucking downhill... AGHHHHHH. i found out a really cool thing during my fucked-up morning, though, and that is that If you hold your angry tears in, you will cry out of your nose. true story. i had water dripping out of my FUCKING NOSE ahahahaha so goddamned amusing. sniff sniff.

all day i pretty much wanted to shoot everybody. when someone said "i like this" i wanted to scream "oh yah? WELL I HATE IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT", etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. FUCK YOU FUCKERS, FUCK OFF AND FUCKING DIE, i said.

Our lady peace is on tour... they are playing insanely small venues compared to their normal venues... in vancouver they are playing in a hall that holds only 1800 people. Jets Overhead, Pedestrian (OLP's 2nd guitarist Joel Shearer's band), and Neverending White Lights (whom Raine worked with) are opening.

people are retarded.

$900 bucks for driving lessons from Young Drivers? you've got to be shitting me. why dont i just sell my frigging apartment to get that money? hahaha. theres no fucking way i'm signing up for this thing.

anyway.

by the way, im not as stupid as i sound.

this morning, the remains of my french class (9 students) went to Cafe Crepe and had a nice, laid-back breakfast. i had tea and a nutella/coconut crepe. i've never eaten so much nutella in one sitting in my LIFE. i was full until after school, even, although i skipped lunch.

... the whole day was pretty much bleh and nothing. we played an intense round of family feud and other computer games in last block, though. we had 12 people in class.

after school i went to lara's and watched RENT. it was quite strange and odd. it's just puzzling when smack addicts and AIDS patients break out singing to happy tunes. i really liked the Mark character, though. and some of the randomness.

i love regina spektor.
i think i may have to go to zulu records soon and buy a shitload of cds.

last year on my birthday, my closest friends and i went to the beach and had dinner and walked along the expensive shops on West 4th Street in shorts and flip flops. that was a nice day. i miss it. damn.

buy this car to drive to work, drive to work to pay for this car

BAH, i realized i have a lot of homework and it's kinda 1 hour till midnite...

ugh.

our falling bombs are her shooting stars. oh.

yesternight i watched 4 movies back-to-back. FOUR!!!! i dont watch the tv during the week at all, so i can kind of redeem myself, but still it's insane. i watched the reeeeally old (and REALLY long) barbara streisand musical, Funny Girl, and half of A Beautiful Mind, on tv. they were really good movies. barbara streisand was fantastic in her singing. and russell crowe was amazing in playing john nash. i need to see the first half of the movie still.

plus i had this sudden urge to watch the prince of egypt. i used to be in love with that movie. it's a good animated film. watching it almost makes me want to believe in god. do you know what i mean? it's uplifting/inspiring/bigger-than-life.

also i watched the 2006 Brit Awards, which was interesting. there were some really good performances by kayne west and kt turnstall. plus, DEBBIE HARRY WAS THERE. and in general, the Brit Awards > MTV music awards.

this week is going to be nice and pointless, with more or less zero homework. suhweeeeeeeet.

we could go and get forties, fuck going to that party

some photos.

denise you're so frigging adorable in this photo. (from volunteering on granville island)

denise is a goldfish nazi.

dara and me.

more of the valentinesdance-ness.

i forget if i already posted this photo.

wheeee

lalala. gag.

do you miss me? miss misery, like you say you do?

the belgian non-profit organization Medicins sans frontiers (doctors without borders) has a compilation cd called Not Alone out on Jnana records! it's simliar to the Warchild Peace Songs comp, i guess, but this one has 5 discs. The artists featured include Devendra Banhart, Thurston Moore, and Antony (of Antony and the Johnsons).

my buzznet page is updated after eons of inactiveness. dara/lara/denise - some photos from the valentines dance are on it, so go look.

theres a "going-away party" happening for the people going to cuba, and im antisocial i dont wanna go. what the hells the point. i can probably recite everything thats going to happen, and all of that is yawn inducing. the same people are going to get pissed off at the same people, and the same people are going to cling onto the same people, and the same people are going to say the same things, and i will probably sit on the computer and go through zach's playlists.

bleh.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

i clearly can't grow up.

i feel like everybody is running to & fro, obsessing about important things, while i sit here and do complete utter shit in mediocrity. yeah right, at this rate i wont even get into college or find (insert abstract idea here) or become what i want to be (whatever the fuck that is). fuck you productive people.

im being so irrational it's almost funny. almost.

today i listened to a shitload of fall out boy and belle & sebastian and the most serene republic and bikini kill and sufjan stevens and death cab for cutie and glassjaw and even panic! at the disco and i think my heads going to explode because i hate everything.

... woah, that made so much sense.

i have a friend who's completely in love with a nice boy and they're so adorable i want to hug them / barf my insides out. no wait, i dont want to barf my insides out. they are good people and blarrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh fuuuuuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. (i dont mean this.)


*dies*


"FUCK ART, LETS GO DANCING"

here's the broken social scene video for their latest single "7/4 (shoreline)". (from quinn)

i want to fuck kevin drew. oh and leslie feist too.

posterspostersposters.

today, i got out of my house at 8 10am and started walking to school as usual. i wasn't really paying attention to things around me, because i was half-asleep, but then i saw this grey lump about 20 meters in front of me, lying on the ground. i got closer, almost stepped on it, and i saw that it was a dead pigeon... its head was missing and half its torso was violently ripped in half, and the feathers were covered in congealed blood. i could see its organs.

i was shocked to see a desecrated body right in front of me, i said out loud, "oh my fucking god."

there was smaller grey lump about half a meter away. that was probably its head. i looked up and there was an unnatural weird feathery thing stuck on the electrical wires. yeesh.



it was a creepy way to start the day.



anyway, after school today, a bunch of us pointlessly wandered around the school and procrastinated deciding what to do then/friday night. we divided into lil groups to go to jordan's house separately... i didn't end up going, though. haha. i had sushi with lara and denise at some pseudo-japanese restaurant on Broadway instead.

after, i walked home all the way from broadway and read the new Adbusters until i got too tired. then i just lay on my bed half-asleep listening to black sabbath's iron man on the radio. i never noticed iron man had such good guitar solos before. weird.

some more photos from today:

the less exciting part of broadway

some weird markings on the asphalt.

wheee payphones.

and finally...

Roxy (left) is extinguishing Denise (right).
this is so because denise is way too hot
therefore needs to be extinguished.
"come on baby light my fire".

speaking of 'light my fire'.... yesterday on the bus, there was this guy with a really good pencil sketch drawing of Jim Morrison. i asked to see it. insane.

and they all wanna fuck the cause

best thing i've read all day

blech.

lalalalala

All your kind they're coming clean, they shut their eyes, their mess, their scenes. All your kind, they spoon land mines, they crush the kiss, they harmonize. All your kind they're, all your kind they, all your kind they come and clean, their sleep through keys, they kill their needs.

...
i kind of hate people right now. ugh.
fuck everybody.

WE HATE YOUR HATE

i just wrote a super uber freaky rant of a blog post and i 'drafted' it because it was almost scary.

uh.

i want spring break nownownownownownownownow

i went to see the doctor today. i seriously don't trust doctors. im always afraid their advice is all wrong.

i have testsassignmentshomeworkarticles to studyfinish, but meh.

SING ME A LULLABY!
i used to be super good at singing lullabies. you know, the classic ones composed by mozart, et al? that was when i was still a piano freak (which is a loooong time ago).

when i was five or six, i used to wait until the grown-up section of the church emptied out, then i would play that song "the swan" or whatever it's called, on the shiny grand piano. i loved the echo-y sounds that resonate when i press the pedal. and i loved the empty pews. and i loved being alone in the middle of the big hall, on the podium and playing the piano. i would probably be wearing a fat maroon velvet dress, no doubt, (this is my sunday dress) with shiny red shoes. true story. i was a pretty devout little christian girl. woah.

i dont know why or how it happened, but all that stopped when i was around eleven. i mean the christian part. now i can't see myself believing God at all. it's too weird too think about because i used to believe in the whole shebang and so does half the planet currently, but now it just seems like an elaborate story that has some pseudo-beautiful context.


i just read what i wrote and i didn't understand a single word. i am so poor at making myself sound eloquent.

my ears have been constantly hurting for the last six months... but today is the climax. my left ear hurts like a mofo... plus i have a migraine to go along with it. i can no longer listen to music on earphones (PAAAAAINFUL), or answer the phone on my left ear, or sleep on my left side. when i drink water, i can feel my left ear pounding. the insides of my ear must be bleeding, how else could it be so goddamned painful?

aghhhhhhhh. i dont want to end up partially deaf. please please god. it does not help that there is a history of bad ears in my family (same with cancer, but i'll worry about that later).

FUCK.
i think i may have to go see a doctor. im kind of scared.

STORY OF OUR LIVES:



Lara says:
ummmmmm heather kerklann is talking to me.... she must need bio help

Lara says:
oh yea called it

Lara says:
its like aiden.... he said hello to me and i was like "what hw help do you need"

Lara says:
and he was like ummmmm i dont just talk to you cuz i need hw shit

- Jen - says:
HAHAHAHAHA

Lara says:
and i was like yea you do

- Jen - says:
thats what i said too, once

- Jen - says:
then he got offended and said 'i dont need hwk'

- Jen - says:
!!!!!!!!

sigh. im so psychic. i have been since grade 8.

...

_____ hates it when i say "i know everything".
like DUH OF COURSE I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING, i mean the STUFF that actually matters, ie my instinct is always correct.

anyway, i have used my stupid psychic skills helping slash destroying peoples lives.
or something.



We are out of tofu in the dining bunker! says:
I'M HAPPY

We are out of tofu in the dining bunker! says:
i want to feel happy happy happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy forever

- Jen - says:
awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

- Jen - says:
damn you.



pffft, i can get happiness from eating my super awesome peach yogurt any day. phsaw.

today's march 1st! crazzzzy. time's just flying by (what a cliche). spring break in two frigging weeks. next week won't even resemble a school week, with so many people in our class away on the cuba trip. sweeeeeeeet.

yours truly has done about 14 pages of phyics work tonite. goooood. (that was god, not good.) tomorrow is the test and i started panicking while studying, and i started THINKING about the physics which can only mean bad news, i will get so confused once i try to make sense of things. just following the math steps is the way to go.

agh, so much schoolwork this week.

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite.... i just remembered something.. ... ugh

today someone i was talking to mixed up sarah mclachlan with madonna. what the hell?

'cos my friend said he'd take you home
he sits in a corner all alone
he lives under a waterfall
nobody can see him,
nobody can ever hear him caallllllllllll