Thursday, January 25, 2007



HAHAHHAHAHA OH MY DEAR GOD. the ultimate magick of the internet.

pwers: LOOK AT THIS LITTLE DITTY.

it's jasmine's (you know, the tiny jasmine, in grade ten? the one who's in love with stephen harper?) little novella. her novella is about an emo/rebel teen girl/ foster child named Ebony.

and it. is. hilarious.

scroll down to her very first post on the xanga, to CHAPTER ONE.

she shows her usual sympathy for the conservatives, mentions stephen harper and left-wing jack layton:

The city of Vancouver had established a drug program in vain, worrying that the increasing number of drug addicts would tarnish its reputation. Vancouver had held the Olympics in 2010, that year breaking the city's record for having the most deaths caused by foul play. Instead of working, the drug program had backfired. Young people got hooked on drugs more so than ever. The disgraced mayor had tearfully resigned, declaring the city in a state of emergency.

The drug program was a mess and Vancouver was nicknamed 'Drug City' or 'Opium Land'. Prime minister Jack Layton had assured the citizens that everything was fine, only to be found trying to push a law legalizing various types of illegal drugs. Right-wing politicians lived in fear, the former prime minister Stephen Harper had been assassinated for his outcry against drug use. That was many years ago.


so much dramarama. "the disgraced mayor had tearfully resigned"?!?!?!?! this is like perezhilton of politics.


In CHAPTER THREE, Ebony and her friend, Vanessa, go shopping for swimwear:
"All summer swimwear fifty percent off", smiled the blonde salesperson, showing unruly yellow teeth.

"Oh hey, you two. I never thought I'd be seeing you guys in here!", teased a high pitched voice.

Ebony turned around. It was Olivia, the new student in her class. Olivia was a curvy brunette, with a perfect symmetrical face and those golden celebrity legs.

"Oh. Hey", mumbled Ebony and Vanessa in union.

"Oh, great", thought Ebony, "the added bonus of having a bitch see you in your swimwear".


In CHAPTER FIVE, Ebony dreams of her boy-crush, Jordan (gasp).

She blushed at the image of herself being held by Jordan, his soothing voice, his heartbeat, his touch. I want you. She laughed at that thought. There's plenty of fish in the ocean, why would he possibly want a girl like me? Stop dreaming! She buried her head in her pillow to block out the embaressing thought.


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okay im gonna die of laughter now.

just read the first chapter okay? it's typical teen "young adult" book fare. except it's funny because you know who wrote it.

i wish i could print this entire thing and hand it out at school.

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