it's 5am and i just had three hours of fitful sleep. ugh. it's beginning to be light outside, which means there is no way i am going to fall asleep again. i utterly hate this fucked up sleeping thing. i was too antsy to sleep so i turned on the laptop and spent half an hour trying to change something on privacy settings on facebook and miserably failed. how do people do that?
went to samaras last nite and watched people get shitfaced in numerous ways. uh yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. goddayum. i wish i could erase memories from my brain. makes me antsy. can i please go back to where we were before the craziness? i need alone time really bad. i need to take a vacation to the middle of the Sahara Desert and listen to music on earphones and be depressed while appreciating songs and drink apple juice and sit in the sun and chillax. too fucking bad i cant. now i need alcohol to feel good at all, how depressing. ive never gone out so often and seen so many people and felt so terrible. it doesnt help that my body's a retard these days and my fucking crooked spine hates me. I CANT SLEEP WHEN MY BACK HURTS.
i should to take up swimming again but i need a buddy. i havent seen my family for more than five minutes all this week because fucking swim meets are taking over my family's lives. my mom is basically a workaholic zombie and will kill herself working. the other day my dad called and he was all "so hows it going" and it dawned on me that i NEVER say anything except yes/no on these phone conversations. TOOK ME NINE YEARS TO REALIZE THIS, ahahahahahahahaha.
until exams are over, i need to get a grip because right now im sliiiiiiiiding into a hole of apathy and it makes me feel so, so, so, so, so, so, so bad.
oh SHIT i forgot mmva's were on sunday. aha. oh well. i wonder who won things? i wonder if i care? i wonder if i should? i used to care about this crap.
i need a quiet lazy day of watching dvds and not feeling like i have to throw up every 2 minutes.
how the fuck am i supposed to go back to sleep now? its practically afternoon. (5:35am)
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