love without complications galore

nearly 4am. not sleeping.

went to zach's house for a pool party. it was fun and mindless in a predictable way. and a question springs up in my mind...

WHY is it that when i'm alone, i seek company, and when i'm in company, i can't stand to be there? hmmm? why do people piss me off so fucking easily. no, scratch that -- why am i so easily offended by some things while i'm completely untouched by much worse things?

i'm living in a box. or my head.

do you think i need more friends? different friends? am i weird?

ugh

on a positive note, guess who poked me on facebook. after seven years since our last meeting, my GRADE FIVE TEACHER has found me. i know this sounds ultra-lame but she was the best teacher i've ever had, and we were pretty close. she was awesome. i think she was in her late twenties then, so she must be around 35 now. married and all.

i was weirded out because just earlier this week i found a picture of her and me when i was organizing photo albums. i haven't seen her for at least six years, except this one time i THINK i saw her in costco with her boyfriend (her husband now). i didn't say hi cuz i'm a retard.

just - whoa.

sadly, grade five was probably the greatest year of my childhood if not LIFE, and i am nostalgic.

my life is a wes anderson movie

i usually notice all the little things

i usually notice all the little things
one time i was proud of it
she says it's annoying
she cursed me up and down and rolled her rs

she says i'm caught up in triviality

i missed her point

beauty kit for girls

jesus. i just tried to re-tie my hair into a ponytail and snapped the elastic. that's the third one this week! my hair is too thick to fit into one, which is why i have to use a scrunchie all the time. (i am very fashionable.)

anyway. i found this video thoroughly disturbing and educational.

beauty kit for girls (runs 2:15)

i dreamed you were skipping little stones across the surface of the water

saw the Motorcycle Diaries yesterday. it exceeded my expectations by far. it's about young che guevara traveling across south america with his buddy, hitchhiking, stealing, smooth-talking whenever needed. they discover beauty and a mix of fascinating cultures and people as they travel, but they also see injustice and poverty. a lot of the movie reminds me of On The Road, but with a more of a socio-political edge to it.

Che: How is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I never knew?

the movie was amazing. it was like reading an actual diary. funny, passionate, restless, philosophical at times. it makes me think as if the world is full of possibilities and nothing can go wrong if you have a great passion for something. in the movie, che guevara is someone who's still finding himself, not altogether sure what he wants to do, only knowing that there's more out there. his love for the open road takes him to all sorts of places, and after watching this movie, i want to go traveling more than ever.

the girl's distracted

what my friend wrote in his blog:

I sometimes stand on my hands, naked, pointing my anus towards the sky.

Often, a bird will come and nest in it.

I stay very still, untill the bird lays it's eggs, at which point I open my anus slightly, gobbling up it's children, where the hard shell is digested in my lower intestine.

The bird flys away, but nothing is wasted, as I use the newly constructed nest as a snazzy hat.

i will miss his strangeness.

if you will not join me - then i will come to you

my internet is snail slow right now. by the time i got to blogger i'd forgotten what i desperately needed to blog about. eh. i'm right now reading the archives of my own blog (mmm vanity...). my family has fallen asleep and i am alone with the laptop. sigh. i should probably attend one of my sister's swim meets one of these days, since there are only three left, and i'm ditching her provincials (ugh). i blame this on university.

four weeks ago i said:

i'm so ready to close myself in a bubble and sit and think in silence where no one can bother me

HEY i remember what i was to blog about! the other nite (more like two weeks ago) i had two especially vivid dreams. one was harry potter-related (in which i vanquished the evil lord with a butter knife i have in the kitchen - very cool, must recall dream later), but the other one was just as intriguing.

in the dream was the thomas i knew in grade five, except he was all grown up like he is in his facebook profile. thomas seemed very depressed and he was contemplating suicide because a girl didn't love him back or something. i forget who the girl was, but i know i knew her well. HIGHLY amusing. anyway i was being all serious psychiatrist-like, giving him one of those semi-preachy, semi-friendly talks. and I CONVINCED HIM NOT TO KILL HIMSELF. i am amazing even in my dreams.

the harry potter dream - i was in a creepy green-tinged, grimy-walled school that greatly resembles Van Tech (extremely old and ghetto). in the hallways i looked for Voldemort while wearing a black cape and shit. i found him -- the details are murky, so i don't remember how he looked like -- but he turned into his snake animagus form! he transformed himself lots of times, finally into a small black snake with red squiggly lines, then i STABBED the snake with a sharp kitchen knife when it was in a grimy bathroom sink.

as soon as i stabbed the snake, fall-of-mordor type shit happened (aka lots of black smoke and screaming noises) and VOLDY WAS GONE. i returned to a different classroom, where people in black capes were watching tv with soda in their hands, and i announced that i killed voldy, to which people murmured unenthusiastic replies. what the hell!

i've got sunshine on a cloudy day

amusingly, the measly spike in my blog hits in the last few days comes solely from my harry potter rant post. ahahahaha.

holy shit, how is it 1am already? ughhhh i have to wake up early.

i now have four versions of Summertime in my music files.

you cannot turn into a phantom because you are frightened.

Went to Oscars Art Books on Broadway yesterday and spent two hours looking at books on photography, traveling, graphic design, painting, jewelrymaking, watercolours, pastels, the history of postcards, the history of puppets, yadda yadda yadda. I saw a red-velvet-bound book of paintings by Mark Ryden in Japanese. two "how-to-dress" guides from Vice magazine. A huge-ass photography portfolio from Dave Lechappelle, with Kurt Cobain as Jesus and Courtney Love as Mary.

I bought a Griffin & Sabine sequel for 8 bucks! Lara, I need to take you there so you can complete the trilogy. The book is like a journal full of postcard/letter correspondence between a Griffin and a Sabine. They're intriguing. I want a journal just as beautiful. I am Lame with a capital L.

anyway, back to non-capitalization mode. i have 37 new emails in my inbox and university courses to choose and funds to apply for (barf), but i am much too lazy. watched My Girl today, plus bits of The Godfather Part III. i think al pacino looks handsome in the movie. i know i know. he was like fifty old. maybe older. sometimes i scare myself.

i can't stand the fact that summer's halfway over. i have less than 4 weeks till i move outta here. ahhh FUCK. i have so much i want to do, i know i won't be able to do them all before it's time over.

shit.

these are some of my favourite things

Santa Worm, by Mark Ryden

i want this book

yesterday i had one of the weirdest experiences i've had in a while. i was walking home from broadway, taking pictures on the slr, when i came by a rest in peace type memorial at the corner of the IGA. you know, those things where people leave bouquets of flowers and handwritten notes to whomever died in a car crash in that street corner.

a sign said "we miss you, grace chan". i took a picture and was about to walk away when these people who'd been standing near the corner, a white middle-aged man and a young woman, stopped me and asked, "excuse me, did you know grace chan?" of course i say No, I'm just a student taking pictures, blah blah blah. then he says:

man: i'm grace's husband. (or did he say 'i was'? i can't remember)
me: oh wow.
man: yeah, we thought you'd known her or something.
me: oh, no.
man: it's been very hard the last few days... she was, she was really great.
me: ...... i'm sorry to hear that.
man: yeah, yeah. *SIGH*
me: wow. did you put up those flowers today?
man: yeah, yeah, we did. we miss her a lot.
me: *glances at woman, who smiles* well... i mean, i'm sorry.
man: yeah, yeah. well... thanks
me: thanks... (for what?!)


it was really sad because the woman had died only 2 days earlier (!!!). but the whole time i felt like cracking up because he almost seemed acting-sincere. i was smiling the whole time, for chrissakes, and i have no idea why. he had these dramatic sighs like he didn't know what to do. and what am i supposed to say anyway, to a stranger whose wife just died? i wanted to say, Be Strong, but it seemed way too weird at the moment.

if this is the life, why does it feel so good to die today?

I finally managed to get the full version of Photoshop CS2. I had to install and uninstall a couple of times but NOW I'VE GOT IT. and I didn't even have to pay half my soul to get it either (it costs $600 USD). This is too exciting.

listened to my smashing pumpkins cd for the first time in about two years:

Planned a show
Treasoned my roots
Ice cream snow
See you in June

Could have known
I would relive
Should have known
I would come see you

Your way she knows
And she knows she knows she knows

Colors show
After long
I should go
See you in June

Open your eyes - to these must I lie?

junie b jones is not a crook

to no one in particular (for real)

ahhhhh if i read another pseudo-clever ironic blog post, i will scream. have people lost feelings or something? it's as if you're not allowed to feel sheer happiness anymore, it has to be coupled with some remarkable commentary on how intellectual, or earth-shattering, or ground-breaking, or phenomenal something is. get over yourself. erlack.

righto.

dream in japanese

had to post this because it was way crazy.

this is ester:

she's taking a vacation in japan right now.

you look happy to see me

i just wrestled for half an hour with this website. sigh. so many freaking links, what the hell am i supposed to choose? i can't stand poorly made sites. this better pay off at the end.

i got two postcards today, one from Japan and another from Dubai. ester addressed her postcard to Jenny Cobain Lee. haha

my mom left a $20 bill on my laptop to compensate for the complete lack of food in the house. i feel like i should clean up the house more cuz my sister never does any work and the only time i see my mom is when she's behind the laptop (sigh).

went to kits beach yesterday to see the fireworks. all the unions are on strike but the beach didn't look too badly littered to me.

rox.


nice parasol.


i played texas holdem poker for the first time in my entire life. it was fun.


i needed to keep this by me at all times haha


kits beach


i want to lie on a towel with a bag of lays chips


lara has an ipod now


dara has emo bangs






roxy's harry potter doubled as my chip table


i was steadily losing




the kids next to us had light sabres, which i envied


cute




i dont know what this is either.




denise is rich










looks like a bottle of wine exploded

yay

i'm so glad i waited for you

Wilco, August 20, @ Malkin Bowl!

ehehehe.

nowhere man, please listen

lara, denise, rox and i hung out a while ago, and we somehow managed to watch hours and hours of movies and tv without even noticing time whizzing by. we fell asleep watching Fargo and jerked awake when my mom called my cell at three in the morning. managed to watch another solid hour of tv somehow. it's like someone bewitched time.

the bunch of us minus denise went to the park when it was pouring rain. it was nine at nite, and since it was rainy, the sky was purplish indigo, not black. we got drenched as we played in the playground, ran around the empty park and rolled on the grass. lara and rox were pretty much naked, it was funny. lying on the grass with my face up to the great blank sky made me feel alive and dead simultaneously. it was silent and cool and alone and free and just what i needed.

the three of us put our clothes back on and we walked to the mini school. we rolled down the grassy mini hill one last time. omg hella fun. it was like being in grade eight again.

yesterday i went to granville island with lar & neese. we mostly sat in the stuffy sea air (and talked university shit, which i'm trying hard to forget).

we went to the bakery:

granville island market.
















then the market:


that girl playing violin was trying to make money for her tuition to julliard




i want pineapple!






then outside. some guy was playing guitar and no one was listening.
we three clapped and he looked at us gratefully. HAHAHA.










a mommy, a baby, and a sister


ADORABLE






more around the island:



biggest bulletin board ever.




we went to opus, where i bought paints and a sketchbook


the clouds were pink yellow and grey.


yay