vitamine c (d'acide ascorbique, ascorbate de sodium)

so fucking tired and not done my work at all. my problem is, despite how tired i am, i won't stop being perfectionistic... or as close to i can get to perfectionistic with about two nanograms of energy in my body. jesus christ jenny just GET OVER IT hurry and write the goddamn paper. its PHILOSOPHY why are you even thinking?!!?! JUST WRITE BULLSHIIT!

so. effin. sleepeeeeeeee

real post coming after.... december 4th. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i am fucked all over for school right now. can't wait! cant wait! cant wait!

some people to see in vancouver:
paul
john
grace
deborah
rosa
the minis
wes
kyme?
eugene

CANT WAIT TO GO HOME AND SLEEP THE MOTHERFUCKIN WINTER DAYS AWAY. i am such a lazyass i dont even know why i even attempt to live a real life sometimes

!!*!!!*!*! IN RAINBOWS !*!!*!*!!**!

got a new bank card. my account was frozen due to scams. i'll tell you about it later. friggin frauds. i dont know how they go to sleep at night, knowing innocent people's hard earned money will disappear into the sketchy dusty air of jane/finch streets. (omfg CP style.)

i cannot write this essay. i wish it were an article. this switching-back-and-forth-between-writing-styles thing is fucking me over.

i'm not sorry there's nothing to say?

first-generation rights are truly deserving of the exalted, yet elemental, status owing to human rights

fucking giant nonsequitur post (except i have not written this post yet so i dont actually know if its going to be giant or nonsequitur, ahh the possibilities)

SO

here are a bunch of random things in no order and no relation to each other so it should not be read like one post, but rather a billion little posts with one phrase on them

i havent do my philosophy paper

i have a love hate relationship with KT and i am obsessed about this and it is driving me ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY UP THE FUCKING WALL. i cannot emphasize how sad and strange and weird and pathetic this is.

i want a salt shaker in my room

i am the substitute creative person for people who want to be the REAL creative person's friend. hoshit.

i want to ask oliver to cut my hair, he cuts his own hair and did seri's too

im going to dye my hair something fucking crazy when i get back to vancouver

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

the psyche is very interesting to examine, especially your own when you KNOW your own sanity is being questioned

fuck you

oops

i honestly couldnt care less if i got D minuses in my schoolwork right now, and i wouldnt be surprised either

played guitar hero again yesterday

people who say "dealio" are lame

people who say "people who say 'dealio' are lame" are lame

the last sentence was written according to CP style

cp style my ass.

fucking posers.

i am a poser.

starbucks lady, naked mermaid

50 out of 392 comments

you are what you own, says human rights activists

interestingly, ive recently come to the conclusion that there's an EXCESS of human rights sometimes

nyc?

she throws people away like tissues

kleenex

Kleenex, according to cp style

alex tran, my hero.

a porn star sung a korean children's song for me today (100% truth)

my neighbour is scary

she's in engineering

but i'm not sure if she's a she sometimes

my mom ranted about how she wants galbi and beer

then scolded me for not being 19 yet

i talked to my mom for THREE FUCKING HOURS again on msn

bff!

hil and i are bffs because we're both cynical dumbheads who joke about being bffs

"bff" is hil's favourite word.

same with "boyfriend"

as in "oh ya, he's my boyfriend."

and "oh yea he's my boyfriend too."

i think she'll be re-christened Perez Hilton's Asshole one day

she'll celebrate once that happens

what is wrong with you

my lips are yellow

all my friends are brown and red

quaker oats, the superhero.

faites le point

are you a man or an amoeba?

future butterfly

plastic surgery is for you

biodegradable plastic cups - i have some on my desk

swoooooooon coffeeeeeeee espresssooooooooo darkkkkk roasteedddd beaaaaaanssssss

dan the man

sam the man

the LEGEND of LK.

barf!

Yogourt or Yogurt?

nail polish or no nail polish? decisions decisions. ahhh life is hard

ariel like a harpy!

hi ana

hi rach

here are some artworks for you, for free, that you will probably throw away

and in a million years you will regret having thrown them away

because i did them

mockingbird wish me luck

i saw an old-fashioned whore today

at the thirfty drugstore

buying a 5th of gin and a 5th of vodka

mmm gin

Victory Gin.

Orwell.

Orsen Welles.

apocalypse now

apocalypse tomorrow

calypso song

bokonon

kill bokonon

karass

hoenikker

did you buy nothing on buy nothing day?

black friday

black coffee

black cat

you are black

this is postmodernism

you are an euphemism

do not look at me with those dagger eyes

your ears reek of trash

they wreak havoc

harvest moon is just beautiful, she said to an awed crowd

except me

i was not awed

i was angry

i do not tolerate her

here's some lotion

i lost my lip balm

lip balm

napoleon dynamite

vote for pedro

cooper black

helvetica

switzerland

red cross

amnesty

you are what you preach

i do not preach

i judge you

i stare a hole into the wall

dig, dig, dig

meet dev

he doesn't eat

that's why he's skinny

skinny like ibi

hello paul

hello sean

hello john

i taunt you

taunt, haunt, want

why is a man older than my father talking to me the way he is

i do not like white pianos

keel

is native

has a blond brother

you do not study film

you do not eat peas

he eats red cookies

they're rubies

blood cookies

blood popsicles

acid pops

acid pops?

password!

this is geekery

self proclaimed nerds are not nerds

emilio zapata

viva zapatistas

che

hey

you really are a communist

this is nina simone

i saw her in concert

in france

london

italia

represent.

my life as a fight club movie.

what is a pilot?

i only know what a pilot is because it was in pulp fiction.

scandalous amsterdam

once ana messaged me from holland saying she had just gotten with a dutch boy

scandalous tokyo

like the avant garde (euphemism) clubs of scarlett-charlotte, lost in translation

people in orange wigs

white faces

like caste marks

white like

oleander

oh

lea

an

der

miles of paper

miles of chalk

chalk arms

fuck you, chalk arms

you are not a legend

the porn star who sung to me said, "starbucks pays israel"

"and thats why i boycott it"

i said "whoa"

palestinians have no home,

but i cannot say this in front of my jewish friends

turtles can fly

raindrops like bombs

if this is the life, why does it feel so good to die today?

braverman

ester

is an organic chemical

made up of C, carbon, H, hydrogen, and O, oxygen

probably something else too

how incredibly depressing

phoenix, circa, lee's

i do not admire you

2 event invitations, 1 group invitation

1,000,000 strong for stephen t colbert

cole-

-bair

kimmel

leno

iago

santiago

this is like add n to x

except with words

words are a source of midunderstanding

just sit there

on the grass

the grass is greener on the other side

shonen, shoji

the boredoms

fugazi:

fucked

up

got

ambushed

zipped

in

.

sleeptime?

give me a nightmare,

full of dali

and rene magritte

across the classroom, i saw her take her daily pill

it was strange to see

i saw him again on my way to buy popsicles

hit the pavement hard

he got drunk and went to sleep in his bed,

and the fire started,

and he layed in there burning,

until a friend in the next room smelled it

and ran in and tried to pull him out of the fire.

style -

style is the answer to everything

joan of arc had style

john the baptist

christ

socrates

caesar,

garcia lorca.

style is the difference

we like to shower afterwards

a major figure in contemporary american poetry,

southern pacific

quetigny

i dont care what tyler durden says, i love my duvet

i'm back in the ussr

poetry

slfsdjfsdf;l
dsafklsd;g
asdflqwe
wfkl;sdlkafj
qKF;SADFS
AF
sdklafjsf
asdgjklds;flwe'
sdfaklgjawqsdfkldsajgklsd
few[asdfsf'sad
fwejfw'a3r-32ldsmcx
3dfl;skl;gq3rl;sddsf
dsfk'ae'
sd
fkasgsdkfsda;g;sdkf

where rocking horse people eat marshmellow pies

picture here

went to look at some student housing apartments today really quickly before my english class. shiiiiit the fact that i'm going to be living free from any family/school type management is really weird now that i ACTUALLY think about it.

had a stressful day though i enjoyed a wonderful cup of cappuccino made by a handsome barista named alex. swoon. i will have to blog about it later, i took pictures and everything, though they were mostly for the article.

so much fucking work to do in the next six days. SO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. i'm even thinking of abandoning this party friday night and working my ass off at home :( ya right, like i'd work on a friday night!

live dangerously

so. so. so. tired.

i went to a end-of-semester dinner party at this girl sara's, i will have to tell you guys all about it because it was half fucking riot and half really nice adult thing to do. anyway i am wayyyyy sleepy right now because i had six hours of sleep (god, i've become such a pansy since starting university).

i need to go to queen street east tomorrow for yet another interview... OH SHIT i have a re-test tomorrow. fuck way to forget. AHHHHHHHH

...........

HOME IN SIXTEEN SLEEPS

don't let the entreprenueur get in the way

kdsajf;dsakjf;alsdjgjskladflsadfsflsdf

REMIND me that i have to write a giant rant post on someone named KT.

yeesh

that's that

for more of my flickr faves, click here

woke up groggily at 9am. ate a bagel and gulped down a cup of coffee for the caffeine. i was almost falling asleep when my interviewee called at 10am sharp. i completed my first journalistic interview with a professional (a queen's university business prof) in about 45 minutes. and im REELING from EXCITEMENT.

i can't believe how much adrenalin interviewing people gives me. not even kidding. i don't even wake up before noon on tuesdays, because i dont have class until 3pm.

gosh!

i didn't do my philosophy papers due today because i was so jittery about today's interview, and while it wasn't the smoothest interview ever (i stuttered a lot) it felt pretty freaking good.

okay i'll stop being weird now.

she said, she said, why don't you just drop dead?

some random things i remember from when i was little:



MIFFY THE BUNNY. i dont know where this critter originated from but its like a less freaky hello kitty. (wikipedia has just informed me that it's Dutch and from 1955. whoa). i had picture books of this dude. i dont know where all those picture books went, i had many, probably at my lil cousin's if they're still intact.



this is pochacco, he's from sanrio, like hello kitty.i remember i had a pochacco ruler when i was in grade two hahahaha.

this is 'wedding peach', an anime i watched when i was 5 or 6, i think. i saw this before i ever laid my eyes on sailor moon, though sailor moon is older. i guess it aired later in korea. i didn't even remember what this show was called so i had to spent 10 minutes on google searching blindly hahaha. they're all magical girls obviously and they all get wedding dresses that match their names (peach, lily and daisy) plus combat outfits like the above. oh my god i just rememebered, i had barbie type dolls of these guys. HAHAHA. daisy was my favourite (shes the green haired one).




this is 'magic knight rayearth', another anime i watched when i was older, maybe 8 or 9? holy crap i watched a lot of anime when i was younger. thats all kids ever did in korea anyway. we had some japanese tv channels too and i watched anime off that sometimes, though i didn't understand much. as always the first girl is red and the second girl is blue and the third girl is green. shit they're so predictable i could write a thesis on this crap.




this is ranma 1/2, i remember it better. i was grade 2 or 3 i think. ranma is a chinese martial arts dude but he's cursed. the panda with the squinty eye is ranma's dad, he's cursed too, which is why he's a panda sometimes. HAHAHAHA explaining this is ridiculously funny and deranged. the girl with purple hair is named shampoo.

ok thats it for now. i watched all the typical stuff like dragon ball z and sailor moon, but that stuff is so old. oh yeah i saw some Astro Boy too, but that's like ANCIENT, even my mom grew up watching that.

i cannot believe i just wrote this post.

living is easy with eyes closed

i've been sitting at my desk for an hour and a half, doodling. i have seven sheets of random drawings up on my bulletin board now, because they're too shitty to go inside my sketchbook but too awesome to be thrown away. i wish i could scan them, but i don't have a scanner.

i can't wait to go home... 18 days. i dont know why i'm looking forward to it exactly, but there is an unrest in me. i guess i want to see my friends and family.

i am depressing the fuck out of myself.

i need to get back to my philosophy papers. (as if i've even started... they're due tomorrow.)

this is weird.

let me take you down cuz im going to strawberry fields, nothing is real.

it's strange that my writing on my blog and my writing on paper (journals) are significantly different. the speediness of blogging changes thing, i suppose. when i write on paper, i write endlessly for hours and hours at a time, which is why i do it infrequently, because i know i'll never stop. plus, blogging is much slicker and ready-organized. i dunno.

i talked to my mom on msn for three hours and she thought i'd gone crazy because i kept saying shit like i dont want to do anything, i dont know what i want, blablabla. hahaha the cold winters and the giant workload is definitely affecting meeeeeeeee.

8 days till december 4... then i will have a LIFE once again

i saw alana in the caf and she was still in pjs and a sweatshirt and looked pretty disgruntled. HAHAHA.

na na na nanana na nanana na hey jude

sic transit gloria

i feel so disillusioned. i dont want to live here and by here i mean canada, even. i dont know what i want anymore, but everything seems so boring and predictable. university education seems like a waste of money. i'd rather spend it on traveling. this is all very crazy because it goes against my morals that i've held for the last 18 years. how can my beliefs be dismantled so quickly?

ive been listening to music for about four hours straight. now i feel like watching the rest of my stupid japanese anime that i downloaded. yes i am AMAZINGLY ungeeky.

i dont know what makes me happy
i dont know what i want

maybe i do, but then i've no motivation left, now that i finally have the opportunity.

i think this is just my temporary depression talking. ignore me.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THE AMOUNT OF NO HOMEWORK DONE TODAY. (paradox?)

Jen // Fenny says:
yeah... money is too important
but in a different way than the way it bothered me before
i dont hate money
but the fact that its so important is very strange
i want abandon money, make my own food
feel freedom that way

i put on my best sunday dress

we all live on a yellow submarine.

so depressed. i've spoken to maybe one person today, over the phone. dear god. i need to get out of my head.

the more i think, the more i'm unhappy. the key to happiness is to accept everything and stop questioning.

watched tv until 4am then woke up at 1 in the afternoon. dear god what a despicable sleep pattern. i ate two forkfuls of salad for brunch then went to the toronto reference library to do some work, only to find that it closes early on sundays. i barely got anything done. i stopped by at a starbucks on my way back, grabbed dinner, then it was already 7pm.

now its 10pm and i should do some work but all i can do is lie on my bed and listen to music and talk to my mom on msn and mope while she consoles.

i should get started on my philosophy papers. dear god i'm so tired and i only woke up 9 hours ago!

i'm so depressed, maybe its because of this weather. today when i went out, i felt like i was in some frozen-over ghost town of the future. i feel like sleeping forever in a coccoon.

my debit card account is frozen for some fucked-up reason. need to go to the bank tomorrow. gah i have SO MUCH SHIT TO DO!

are you a ghostie or ghoulie or wee student beastie?

four in the morning and i am still awake. sigh. weird day i had. i woke up past noon and didn't do anything leading up till the 4 o'clock phone-call i made to schedule an interview. i got the interview set up though! i need to skip class to do it, but HOORAH. then i did a crapload of laundry (still unfolded on my bed), then i interviewed a girl in my rez then ate a dinner of biblical proportions with some floor people. we made baked potatoes and cheese broccoli casserole, and bought a gingerbread house set. hah.

we demolished the entire dinner then chilled a bit then i played guitar hero with mya and pretty much sucked at it but it wasn't so bad for my first try.

in other words... did no homework today except for the one measly interview. sigh.

things i need to get doneeeee:

- philosophy papers (ew)
- call balzacs, get interview
- harass starbucks people to give me an interview (doubtful)
- starbucks/second cup/timothy's streeter
- look up yellow pages at toronto reference library
- talk to carmella, amanda, oatie about interviews
- email queens prof about interview
- take pictures of starbucks?
- read schultz book and take notes
- read cp

DEAR LORD I AM UP TO MY SHOULDERS IN HOMEWORK. way to go me for not doing any today. ugh i am depressed once again at the thought of homework. my stupid starbucks article has taken over my life.

cannot wait until december 4, cannot wait until december 4, cannot wait until december 4, cannot wait until december 4...

you love that shit

soooo cold in my room. i have not cleaned this place for ages. should sleep early tonite.

re-read persepolis 2 today. such a great book. that brightened my shitty day. my friday classes are so lame.

miraculously, i have one interview done and three more set up next week. i'm going to pass this project after all!!!!!!! god. i made a list of things to do and there are literally 30+ things i must do in the next few days. DEAR LORD.

i did more drawings to send to rachel and anna. wheee.

ps. i love interviewing. i love interviewing. i love interviewing.

pps. this is crazy, but for the first time in my life today, i wanted to become an author of an in-depth NONFICTION book about corporations and corporate responsibility and all that naomi klein shit. this is news because i've only ever wanted to write fiction, like short stories and novels. all this journalism's gone to my head.

doe, a deer, a female deer

good god! what a crazy nightmare i had in the last two hours! i fell asleep for a nap an had the most trippy dream ever. i thought i was going to go insane. i'm awake now and i'm spooked. i don't know if i should write the dream down because it's so scary.

bucky gun done

it snowed here today. i wore six layers of tops, including a tank top, a longsleeve, a t-shirt, a cardigan, a sweater, then a jacket. plus a scarf. and thick socks.

procrastination is seriously going to kill me... dear god i should have started this MONTHS ago. i now have one week, which i also have to use to study for my english exam. oohhhhhhhhh fooooock.

so unbelivably tired. 10 hours of sleep in the last two days. my eyes are so dry.

valeur nutritive

oh my god i just had a sudden flashback of what my uber cliquey grade seven korean friends used to do (i was not part of this clique, per se, just listen). they had a super cutesy notebook called the "secret book" (aka no one was supposed to read, but i was honourary member sorta and sometimes i peeked in there) and evey day one girl would take turns writing/decorating/scrapbooking two pages of it, writing about her life then passing it to the next person, etc, until pages ran out in the notebook. oh man there were four girls and they were sooooooooooooo funny. there was this one girl mina and she was kind of like the queen bee, whatta fuckin' riot. i have too many stories from that pathetic ghetto elementary school.

ps. i hate photographs of flowers but some of these are AMAZING. they're like textured rainbows on the fields!

pps. i am not sleeping.

the one and only billy shears

warning: may induce high blood pressure from too many complaints about school

SO. FUCKING. STRESSED. have i said that enough times? today i had a near mental breakdown after all my classes (which ended at 9:20pm, ew) because i realized that no one has gotten back to me about giving me interviews and i realized that i am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so fucked for this project.

then ray came to my room and we calculated our averages and what we're going to get by the end of the semester in our four courses. ya we're not weird at all. i feel a little better though, because even if i get 40% on the project, i will still pass the course. happy thoughtsssssss! MMM HAPPY.

shiettttt.

i have two papers due tuesday and three projects due next friday and a test next wednesday and two more quizzes and an english exam (my hardest course) and the "big question" 2500-word article all in the next 1.3ish weeks. YUMMAY. i already turned down my newspaper photo assignment for the week, citing that im just too busy, procrastinating or otherwise.

i'm glad today was my last streeter assignment of the semester, though. no more interviewing random strangers until january!!!!!!!! fuck ya. and apparently 70 is the new 90 when it comes to marks in news reporting class. so... yay?

i've been eating shit food the last little while and i feel gross.

ps. after december 4th, aka the apocalypse/doomsday/r.i.p. jenny day, i am going to get a fucking pedicure and manicure and haircut and go on a mad xmas shopping spree. can't fucking wait. i don't even care about my classes other than english and info+visual right now.

i dug my keys into the sides of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive

i miss doing handwash laundry in my bathtub. hell, i miss everything.

finally done my paper. my sleeping/eating/whatever patterns are all fucked, and my room looks like there was a tycoon in here, but I'M DONE THE FRIGGIN ESSAY. i was fourteen minutes late in handing it in and 550 words over the word limit. hooray!

today i ate:

- an energy drink
- three bowls of dry mini-wheats (while procrastinating)
- four chocolate chip cookies
- a bottle of apple juice
- greasy takeout stirfry
- peppermint tea with fake sweetner
- atlantic "salmon" slices on crackers (the quotes because pacific salmon is real salmon)

i didn't eat dinner. (stirfry was lunch). the last time i ate was at 11am... think i should eat something? it is now 2 41am.

had a giant talk with denise and a giant talk with dara. i can't record down everything that was said, tho i wish sometimes phones recorded these things so i can save them and listen to cassettes later. why is everything so fucking meaningful. life is strange.

the next two weeks are going to be plain hell because i put off working on my article for soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long and articles can't be done the night before the due date because research and interviews have to be done. holy fucking shit i am so fucking screwed for the next two weeks, how am i going to fucking survive? STRESSED. OUT. TO. THE. MAX.

and i discovered i am even a worse procrastinator than i originally thought i was... thank you essay for proving that point.

pools of sorrow, waves of joy

i am not done my essay. i am about a thousand words short. i am going to die. now.

glou glou glou (the sound of me drowning in homework)

these are words that go together well, my michelle

my sister, way back when she was adorable and cuddly. i can't even remember what year this is. we moved around a lot and we lived here for only a year. can't seem to fit it into a timeline slot. she might have been three or four.

crazy for feeling so blue

DORAEMON.

there are security guards on my floor right now because i guess people were being too rowdy. i spent six hours in the library not working on the essay and thirty minutes writing the intro, before the library closed at midnight. sigh. what a loser.

bought some groceries, came home and made dinner. crackers + cream cheese + smoked salmon + olive slices = yum. there is so much STUFF in my tiny ass mini-fridge right now, it makes me happy.

yesterday bryan took me to pacific mall in scarborough. p mall is one of the most asian (asian as in super azn la) malls i've seen... i think burnaby north road or richmond centre still beats it though. hmm. perhaps. anyway he wanted to buy a PSP and i wanted asian grocieries. the place was a billion cubicles with open ceilings and pirated dvds bought only with cash and super geeky electronic gadgets and harajuku type girlwear and japanese porn magazines and k-pop cds and stuffed doraemons and posters of cardcaptors and gundam models and A CRAPLOAD of other ASIAN SHIT. fuck. seeing those doraemons... so nostalgic... right? HAHAHA. it was almost like home. it was pretty goddamn amusing too.

i bought some illegal dvds and korean seaweed packs and ate a block of green tea ice cream wrapped with egg waffles. at one chinese grocery store, though, i not only saw korean yogurt (those tiny peach-coloured drinks) but also a korean energy drink called Bacchus-F, which i have not laid my eyes on since FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy mofo it was like a punch from the past.

in korea when i was little and tagged along with my mom to the pharmacy, we both got Bacchus-F, downed the little glass bottle, then put it in the recycling bin before we left the pharmacy. men drink that shit every day, it's like tonic medicine. i say 'energy drink' but it's nothing like red bull, its more like some sort of health drink, but with lots of caffeine. here is a link that somewhat describes it. it's pretty delish too though i can't even remember what it tastes like, at this second.

anyway i bought three bottles, gave one to bryan, then took the other two home. they're in my fridge. holy crap i haven't had one since at least 10 years ago. i think i MIGHT have had one when i visited my aunt's clinic last summer in korea, but still.

bryan and i went for all-you-can-eat sushi dinner afterwards and gorged ourselves on sashimi and fried scallop and spicy salmon handrolls. we talked about shit like neon genesis evangelion (japanese anime) it was pretty awesome i must say. he dropped me off at finch station and i subway'd back to rez by 9pm or so.

spent about six hours in ray's room after i got back. we ranted about homework (aka fuckin' essay) and doodled with her hundred-dollar fountain pen and talked of snell's law (physics), boyle's law (chemistry) and derivatives (calculus). am serious. i forget how we started talking about that shit though. i went back to my room at 3am, then i facebook-stalked people for a while on my laptop then somehow thought it would be a great idea to start watching Alice in Wonderland at 5am. i finished about 90% of the movie and went to sleep at nearly 7am.

woke up at 330pm. god, my sleeping pattern is disgusting. ate a huge meal and shut myself up in the library... which brings me to the beginning of this entry. i am now tempted to download evangelion tv series. maybe it's a good thing i'm doing journalism and not general arts/english because i seem to be pretty abysmal at literary analysis without researching a whole lot. that stuff is not intrinsic in me, i guess. i read what i like. i couldn't really care less about hermeneutics and appropriation. my inner geek wants to embrace that shit, which is why english is my favourite course, but sometimes i want to hurl when it gets too abstract. i like concrete things. you know? stuff i can see smell touch hear taste feel in my heart.

are you a man or an amoeba?

procrastinating like a motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrr

asdlkfjsd;sdaflsk

my eyes hurt

folk project

lou reed owned a fucking moleskine journal.

hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
i said hey honey, take a walk on the wild side
and the coloured girls go doo doodoo doodoo doodoo doodoo doo dooodododododododo

450am. i am a raving lunatic
i will write a fucking masterpiece of a blog post art soon. holy motherfucker i am so fucking exhausted.

not about love

so fucking angry. i have had a terrible day and it's barely lunch. hmmmmmm see my cynical self is surfacing thanks to all this stress after 2 solid months of suppression. HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK NOT IN A GOOD MOOD.

f;askdfjlsajgsdjfkjweaj;eiw;ajweofjweifjslkdjsdkmvcm;agnwoag

feel my heart beat now

this makes me happy

i want to work for the BBC someday, i think.

da da da da da da doo doo doo doo do do

sorry to like, bring highschool nostalgia back for the nth time this week month, but remember PURE HAPPY SILLINESS?

trumpet, trumpet, toot! toot!

awwwwww i love sam. YAY I LOVE MEETING REAL PEOPLE WHO AREN'T FAKES. IT FEELS PRETTY AWESOME.

i am tired to the point where i feel drunk. or sick. which are sort of the same thing.

ok bye

the mending of the gown

i like naive art.

sooooooooooo tired. spent seven hours or so at the toronto reference library. then i tried to register but i realized i had no ID on me so i couldn't make an account. walking back to rez in the freezing cold, i realized that i DID have ID... my ryerson card that i carry with me 24/7! ARGH. what an idiot am i?... plus earlier today i wanted to do some errands and was lined up and all at shoppers then realized i didn't have my freaking wallet with me. WHAT THE EFF.

plus the more i did research (my paper is on shakespearean sonnets and how they undermine patrarchan poetry, for those of you who care), the more i realized how my points could very easily be refuted. blah.

i'm exhausted and could fall asleep right now except i need to read four days worth of newspapers. egads

cool beans

last post of the day i promise. i need to get myself to fucking bed.

PICTURES FROM THE SUMMER! a rare FAMILY MOMENT for once... aka my fam never hang out. my mom sis and i went to jericho beach for like half an hour before deciding it was too cold to stick around. june 14, 2007:

i am the subject of my moms photography
my sister is as tall as me... god
don't ask what we're doing. it's hard to explain.
meesh
man we're super awesomie.
egyptians? HAHAHAHAHA.
my mom had to take a staple "beach sunset" picture. aww
then my sister did some hopping dance. this picture cracks me up
more than it should.
look at this! ocean and mountain and sunset within ten minutes by drive. ARGH.
mmmmmmm i miss home and family.

uh huh, this my shit

this might be the weirdest yet. someone in japan got to my blog by yahoo-searching the word "peepingholes". what the eff?!

see look.

someone in alberta got to my blog by googling "jennifer fenny". i dont even want to ask who this might possibly be.

also, a considerable amount of blog visits are coming from people googling lyrics. yeesh. am i supposed to stop writing lyrics now?

i'm no fucking buddha but this is enlightenment

jesus. how old is THIS picture?

grade 11 winter formal, getting ready at rachael's house.

oh hmmm i thought the above picture was from grade 10 for a sec, which would have clearly made a HUGE difference. nevermind.

dasjkfljsdljfsdkfas

pictures from es' 18th birthday party in june... took me painstaking amount of nagging to get these from ester. we should share photos more guys!!!! put your photos in a sharing folder on msn. i've given ester an entire folder of 200+ photos because i was too lazy to sort them out. she gave me 33. haha

le drunk




if that smile on my face is not a pedophile smile, i dont know what it is.


AWESOME butterfly tatty lara.


dear lord. everyone join in this orgy!!!! fuck i hate dave so much
sometimes. i dont even know why.


remember rocket candy chokers...?


caught in the headlights


i recognize ian's shoes, ally's shoes, both davids' shoes. where are mine?


i love you dara. just check out those slit eyes. HAHA.


lara loves me as much as she loves tea. (here's hoping.)
i think emily took this picture. i have a superb memory.

man i'm such a picture whore. i'd do anything for some good photos... which makes me think i should be a photographer more than anything. yet another one of my pictures was printed in the school paper today! hurrah.

ok time for me to go back to my bad procrastinatin' ways. i'm either going to die from stress this week or die from stress this week.

xo

avoine croquante! pomme cassonade

remember when i was obsessed about owen pallett, aka final fantasy?

wheeee. long day. my room is a fucking mess, newspapers and crumbs and hangers and shoes and bottles of arizona tea and hole-punch confetti all over the floor. i haven't vacuumed my room for at least a week and a half. ew.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HOMEWORKIN'

i am in le deep shit.

all i ever do these days is sleep and eat and procrastinate... barf

running to stand still

Thursday, May 18, 2006:

okay, y'know what.
I am so scared for this year to end.
like, no joke, scared out of my fucking mind.
and it's not just about finals or provincials
or the fact that I'll be going off all by myself for one month.
(I don't even want to think about my presentation/speech or
the tile for my door that is supposed to represent me)
year ends always scare me
but the problem is
we're in grade 12 this september.
people's biggest fears in life are things like
not making it in the world, or death.
shiz like that.
This is actually my biggest fear.
The passage of time.
The year in which we end high school.

posted by Dara at 6:46 PM 5 comments

i've waited here for you everlong

remember natalia bell? god she was awesome. i wonder what she's doing now.

things i dont want to forget:

- conversations i had with xiao during trip to italy
- the time i threw an umbrella at an italian lady's face by accident (it was windy!)
- grade 11 strathcona trip for trailbuilding with lara
- collecting berries and making jam
- being an extra in natalia's sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock&roll movie
- intently watching chelsy z light up a cig at a starbucks
- quilchena park on 420 with rox, es, and neese
- vancouver art gallery's frez herzog exhibition
- saying 'fuck you' to ian
- watching pat perform the napoleon dynamite dance
- spending hours in vancity downtown - the same route always: the #16 bus, charlie's records, pacific centre, stitches, la senza, food court
- wasting quarters at chapters with dara
- decorating friends' lockers
- making fun of rachel's pms
- making a model of DNA with anna
- making mini grad yearbook with anna
- starting a blog in february 2005
- hanging out with hugo and zach in victoria
- bad music dance party at anna's
- doing science experiments for a lab at roxy's
- mixing cetyl alcohol with water at denise's
- reading denise's mind
- watching House on lara's bed
- feeding lara's cat with my sister
- making fun of dara's sailor moon poster
- being freaked out by a creepy stranger high on E at arts county fair
- seeing metric for the first time at arts county fair
- sweaty metric/most serene republic concert with lara and rox
- our lady peace/pedestrian/neverending white lights concert with denise, lara, rox
- lining up in front of future shop at 7am on the release date of olp's 7th album with lara
- going to an all-acoustic olp concert at the commodore with lara
- the amazing broken social scene concert i went to with caitlin and peter
- making tshirts at ester's
- lara's infamous house parties
- emo xiao
- emo matt hair
- emo david (shudder.)
- emo michael
- michael's flask and his 90% alcohol
- matt's obsession with drinking
- ester's obsession with pot
- heather and amy at winter formal
- making fun of indiana at grade 8/9 formals
- rachel and svet, rachel and kevin, rachel and colin, rachel and bar, rachel and dylan
- organizing arts night 2007
- the notorious grade 10 valentine's dance
- regina spektor concert with dave and es
- playing poker at the fireworks, summer 2007
- having deep talks with pat at the end of summer 2007
- having deep talks with eric at the end of summer 2007
- going grocery shopping with rachel and lara at fortino's in hamilton, on
- being a gossip queen, grades 8-10
- having code names for mini's
- writing huge plane letters for people
- volunteering at ymca camp for two summers
- taking pointless pictures during spares with ester and ben
- seeking refuge at the mini computer lab during french class
- teaching a class (in french) how to make paper cranes with denise
- making congee with denise, es and dara
- sprouting alfalfa and sweet potatoes with ally
- writing "ftw" and other l33t with matt
- going to the beach with matt, dave and lara
- spending more than 48 hours straight at lara's on new year's, 2007
- drunken talk with malcolm
- playing on the swings at shaughnessy elementary with malc
- three-hour arguments on whether photography is art with malc
- looking at malc's thailand pictures at starbucks
- starbucks in front of pw, in general
- going to mexicali with toby (fucking odd, i know)
- watching silence of the lambs with lara's family
- watching blood diamond with lara's family
- playing on the wii with denise
- watching mini guys play basketball/pingpong/soccer at lunch
- rolling down the hill on a rainy night with rox and lara
- going whitewater rafting with mini girls
- mountain biking down whistler mountain with dara and alex (buckley)
- watching zach put on red tights at arts night
- the night with rachel, david, denise and dara in grade 8 strathcona
- mr. taylor's writing class
- days when swain and palmer looked for ian concerning his scholarship
- lara's drawing of ms. hatz on her math textbook
- the day we recited the poem to kinnear in grade 11
- grade 12 strathcona, chanting jordan's name
- grad sleepover at the school, running from the cops
- sleeping in lara's mom's bed with lara (this must have been some party... no frigging clue)
- listening to denise plan her wedding with ardie
- swimming in the freezing water at cape scott with rox, lara and denise
- lying outside on the grass in sleeping bags, gazing at the stars at cape scott
- going to the beach and sophie's cosmic cafe on my 16th birthday with rox, lara, denise, dara


now i'm a little sad.

pour your heart into it

i just came across some blogs by Iraqi civilians and they nearly made me cry. holy crap.

from Riverbend, an Iraqi refugee in Syria:

22 October 2007:

The first weeks here were something of a cultural shock. It has taken me these last three months to work away certain habits I'd acquired in Iraq after the war.

It's funny how you learn to act in a certain way and don't even know you're doing strange things - like avoiding people's eyes in the street or crazily murmuring prayers to yourself when stuck in traffic.

It took me at least three weeks to teach myself to walk properly again - with head lifted, not constantly looking behind me.

It is estimated that there are at least 1.5 million Iraqis in Syria today. I believe it. Walking down the streets of Damascus, you can hear the Iraqi accent everywhere.

We live in an apartment building where two other Iraqis are renting.

The people in the floor above us are a Christian family from northern Iraq who got chased out of their village by [Kurdish fighters] peshmerga.

The family on our floor is a Kurdish family who lost their home in Baghdad to militias and were waiting for immigration to Sweden or Switzerland or some such European refugee haven.

The first evening we arrived, exhausted, dragging suitcases behind us, morale a little bit bruised, the Kurdish family sent over their representative - a nine-year-old boy missing two front teeth, holding a lopsided cake.

"We're Abu Mohammed's house - across from you - mama says if you need anything, just ask - this is our number.

"Abu Dalia's family live upstairs, this is their number. We're all Iraqi, too... welcome to the building."

I cried that night because for the first time in a long time, so far away from home, I felt the unity that had been stolen from us in 2003.

it's exactly the type of thing you'd expect, except it's so compelling. i think i'm hormonal today. it really did make me tear up. god.

i found the link to Riverbend Blog through this bbc article. read them... one girl, Sunshine, is my sister's age (15). how incredibly incredibly depressing.

the grass is greener on the other side

hahahhahaha. talk about random. a dude from jschool just called me and gave me his hotmail email and password so i could look up something for him. HA HA HA HA AH AHA HA AH AHAHAHAHDSFSDF and this is the second time he's done "can you look up something for me on the internet" thing too.

if i were a snoop... *smiles*

HAHA.

k. going back to philosophy now.

devil got my woman

when all is lost, all is left to gain

been listening to skip james's "devil got my woman" the whole day on repeat. the song gives me nostalgia for things never experienced, which means it's great art.

the more i think about 'ghost world', the more depressed i get. enid seems real.

+++

favourite songs of the moment:

annie - chewing gum
beatles - being for the benefit of mr. kite
beck - debra
fiona apple - slow like honey
skip james - devil got my woman
buzzcocks - what do i get
stars - ageless beauty (most serene remix)
dick dale and the del-tones - misirlou
boards of canada - roygbiv

in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine

august 2007

dear dara, lara, roxy, denise

i just spent about five hours in my room on my bed, contemplating myself and how ive changed since university (a lot).

i cant quite sleep, but i dont feel like looking at my philosophy textbook.

oh man... they're releasing nirvana's "unplugged" mtv show on DVD... guess what i want for xmas?! fuck. nirvana epitomizes my rock-obsessed teenhood. i kind of miss it.

cannot believe i am 18. cannot believe i will be dead by age 90 or so. i have 72 years to do everything i want to do.... thats such a small number, its insane. i want to live forever.

i have greek salad in my fridge right now and i'm so tempted to eat it, but i won't... i had one meal today at 4pm (more or less when i woke up) and a giant cinnamon bun at 10:30pm. haha

life is strange

+++

weekend with es and lara was good. but i was scared the shit out my pants by es at the same time

i dont understand how its possible for es to hate a roommate so much
:S

plus other things
yknow

i have to wake up early to take pix for eyeopener again. ugh. i like my photo editor jamie. maybe i like him too much.

i'm not happy, but i'm not sad, and i dont know what i want, which is sort of the same as not wanting anything. i felt more emotional when i wanted things, and now i am less emotional about everything. being emotional means over-analyzing and freaking out. thus i've done less of those two things for a while.

haha "thus"

rox/dara... is your reading week the week of feb 18? lara and i were wondering out loud that we should do something but apparently denise has reading week the week AFTER everyone else. which blows a fuckload. what are you guys doing during reading break? denise what are you doing during yours?

i have 53 photos up on my wall now, and i want to cover the entire thing in photos on sticky tack.

lara i love the new cereal! its so good as a snack. hahahahahaha

i think i love life but i think im fooling myself to think that at the same time. what a weird feeling!

ps. lara i downloaded dead poets society. are you a man or an amoeba?



+++++++++++++++

unrelated note:

i think i'm going to ask ray to share an apartment with me next year. it's the realistic thing to do. i cannot see myself living with es.

i'm invited to a party at bryan's, and so is kevin, because they know each other from high school. hahaha. the other day, kevin was working on his laptop one table next to me in the cafeteria. i would have eaten lunch with him, except i was working on my laptop too, on the stupid agricultural fair story. he is different from what i imagined. and he is friends with mc, a girl off my floor. this makes things just plain weird.

i feel like a materialist prick sometimes. instead of living on thoughts, i live on products like the rest of the population. this transition is too bizarre. all part of generic-fication and growing up, i suppose.

there is a guy named howard in RTA and he cracks me up hella. reminds me of a funny ungay malcolm.

enough contemplating. i should get some sleep! ray is giving me a wake-up call at 9:30am because i asked her to. HAHAHA there is no way i am going to be able to wake up.

nites

all we are saying

pictures from here

One, two, three, four. Ev'rybody's talking about Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism. This-ism, That-ism, is-m, ism, ism. All we are saying is give peace a chance, All we are saying is give peace a chance. C'mon Ev'rybody's talking about ministers, Sinister, Banisters And Canisters, Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and Pop eyes, Bye, bye, bye bye. All we are saying is give peace a chance, All we are saying is give peace a chance. Let me tell you now Revolution, evolution, masturbation, flagellation, regulation, integrations, Meditations, United Nations, Congratulations. Ev'rybody's talking about John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary, Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Copper, Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Allen Ginsberg, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna

Las Palma De Maracaibo

pointless photos taken at ester's rez yesterday nite... i think we were too tired and delirious from the day of shopping at the mall *shudder*

my eyes are slits


wearing lara's toque


oh look, a disco ball in her bathroom. -_-


picking out pictures






ester's pillow.


what her room at home looks like




HAHAHAHAHA.


her closet




ester bought this for lara in japan! a toolbox tee


this is now up on my photo wall




check out the giant bible she reads for class


ester's favourite picture of the nite
.....








lara ilu


wow.


TYPICAL ESTER: "ma-ha, ma-ha"
hahahahah


mad hatter visiting for tea








groupie


hahahah


esterfedora


creepy eye behind us


matador


jenny: "you look like a pimp."


ester's giant ass coat from MEC


i was laughing so hard


lara: "you look like a rich hobo."




man this cracks me up


in retrospect, we're really weird.


plushtoy fight






whoops we knocked off a shelf


hearts


err


um... laughing really really hard about something?






joan looked at us weirdly.


and es snapped like fifty pictures of her


smack this and it goes: "that was easy!". yeah i dont get it either.

AND THATS THE END OF OUR POINTLESS AND LOVELY PHOTOS FROM THE NITE. YAY AND STUFF.