in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine

august 2007

dear dara, lara, roxy, denise

i just spent about five hours in my room on my bed, contemplating myself and how ive changed since university (a lot).

i cant quite sleep, but i dont feel like looking at my philosophy textbook.

oh man... they're releasing nirvana's "unplugged" mtv show on DVD... guess what i want for xmas?! fuck. nirvana epitomizes my rock-obsessed teenhood. i kind of miss it.

cannot believe i am 18. cannot believe i will be dead by age 90 or so. i have 72 years to do everything i want to do.... thats such a small number, its insane. i want to live forever.

i have greek salad in my fridge right now and i'm so tempted to eat it, but i won't... i had one meal today at 4pm (more or less when i woke up) and a giant cinnamon bun at 10:30pm. haha

life is strange

+++

weekend with es and lara was good. but i was scared the shit out my pants by es at the same time

i dont understand how its possible for es to hate a roommate so much
:S

plus other things
yknow

i have to wake up early to take pix for eyeopener again. ugh. i like my photo editor jamie. maybe i like him too much.

i'm not happy, but i'm not sad, and i dont know what i want, which is sort of the same as not wanting anything. i felt more emotional when i wanted things, and now i am less emotional about everything. being emotional means over-analyzing and freaking out. thus i've done less of those two things for a while.

haha "thus"

rox/dara... is your reading week the week of feb 18? lara and i were wondering out loud that we should do something but apparently denise has reading week the week AFTER everyone else. which blows a fuckload. what are you guys doing during reading break? denise what are you doing during yours?

i have 53 photos up on my wall now, and i want to cover the entire thing in photos on sticky tack.

lara i love the new cereal! its so good as a snack. hahahahahaha

i think i love life but i think im fooling myself to think that at the same time. what a weird feeling!

ps. lara i downloaded dead poets society. are you a man or an amoeba?



+++++++++++++++

unrelated note:

i think i'm going to ask ray to share an apartment with me next year. it's the realistic thing to do. i cannot see myself living with es.

i'm invited to a party at bryan's, and so is kevin, because they know each other from high school. hahaha. the other day, kevin was working on his laptop one table next to me in the cafeteria. i would have eaten lunch with him, except i was working on my laptop too, on the stupid agricultural fair story. he is different from what i imagined. and he is friends with mc, a girl off my floor. this makes things just plain weird.

i feel like a materialist prick sometimes. instead of living on thoughts, i live on products like the rest of the population. this transition is too bizarre. all part of generic-fication and growing up, i suppose.

there is a guy named howard in RTA and he cracks me up hella. reminds me of a funny ungay malcolm.

enough contemplating. i should get some sleep! ray is giving me a wake-up call at 9:30am because i asked her to. HAHAHA there is no way i am going to be able to wake up.

nites