i'm not like them, but i can pretend

i watched The Color Purple. holy shit it was pretty disturbing in a lot of places. but overall very good... sometimes i think Spielburg is the most underrated director in hollywood, which is ironic and makes zero sense......?

i managed to do nothing productive today. sweet! FUCK i am NOT looking forward to this week. by the end of this week i will either be very successful with my schoolwork or dead.

im too tired to go to sleep. my eyes are slowly closingggggg yawwwwn.

i've been listening to Neverending White Lights almost endlessly since yesterday. Todd Kerns singing "The Grace" with Daniel Victor was droolworthy. i nearly died because it was so good. i'm on a OLP roll too - i was listening to Spritual Machines for the first time in a loooooong while and it is amazing.

i'm downloading the newest Alexisonfire album and the Giant Drag album.

it's 1 16am. i should go to sleep, hmmmm?

so goddamned sleepy and hungry.

there's a cigarette thief, stealing cigarette disease

so much has happened within the last 20 or so hours... WHEEEE. last nite was surreal. anyway some photos from the pedestrian/jets overhead/neverending white lights/our lady peace concert:::

i love this photo.

sonya and me.

me + lara + denise

i met joel shearer! (pedestrian/OLP)

and daniel victor of neverending white lights.

lara and steve mazur (OLP)

:D

susie and me.

it would be bad for me write out everything that happened, there was way too much that went on and i would just bore myself to sleep. the nite was special because i got to talk to the musicians. i don't even remember what i said, i probably blubbered and said something generically idiotic, hahahahaha. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

my head's been whirling and swirling since. ahhhhh. after the concert i slept over and lara's, but not before watching a two-hour movie until 3am. i woke up at 8am and went to saturday school and i'm about to physically deteriorate, not to mention my brain that's about to explode from so many things happening at once.

ciao.

today was pretty shitty in general despite the sunny weather, but OMG OMA OLP i'ma gonna see them in concert in a few hoursssssss.

i've been hearing constant good things about yesterday's concert and how 200 people got to go up on the stage during the "encore" (above pictured) ... AHHHHH. im seriously going to explode from anticipation. haha where did cynical jenny go? anyway i am going to sleep over at my friend's house afterwards, so i will post the pictures later tomorrow, if any of them turn out any good.

i am going to be super tired tomorrow morning.

3 hours to go until i see them onstage. im not going to be able to do anything but twiddle my thumbs and jump around the apartment and bounce off the walls because i've totally gone ADD right now.

i can't believe it but i had a near four-hour nap. "nap", as in pointlessly lying in bed doing nothing. i went from my bedroom to my mom's bed to the living room couch because all the rooms were either stuffy/cold/noisy. this is the disadvantage of living in an apartment building, you NEVER GET ANY FREAKIN PEACE unless you are alone, because there is only so much space.

anyway until dinnertime i more or less slept, fitfully.

then at dinner i ate everything in sight because i felt like shit and needed to feel full. or something.

then i procrastinated and read a magazine.

then another magazine.

then i took a shower.

then i attempted to do french homework.


i severely need a break from school because i'm stressed to the snapping point. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! i think i will go crazy at the dance next week to celebrate the end of May 4 even though thats prob not a good idea. maybe i will just sleep for 14 hours.

tomorrow, it will be one month till my 17th birthday, woaaaaah.

i'm more excited to see Neverending White Lights more than OLP because i'm listening to NWL right now, but that will probably change tomorrow. i think i would die and go to heaven if OLP decided to play one of their more obscure songs like The Wonderful Future or Blister, but i would settle for Carnival and Car Crash, which they have been playing in some shows, any day.

yesterday i was sitting in starbucks 'cause i couldn't go home when some guy commented on my shoes.

some guy: "nice shoes. i used to wear those back in the seventies. now they have different colours and stuff, the converses. i used to wear them. that was a long time ago. "

me: yeah?


anyway right now im doing my daily dumbing of self by surfing on the internet for five gazillion hours. (ew did i just say "surf" the internet!?!?!?) i numb myself until i get jaded and glassy-eyed and not depressed anymore. i wallow in languid content and feel nothing and listen to music. hmmm

i need a candy to pep myself up or something.

on a completely irrelevant note, my hand bled because i was helping my classmates with their projects and handed out pins and i pricked myself. my work was deeply underappreciated by DF, who thought i was trying to cheat him by pretending to help them or something. fucking weirdo. i can't be nice without a reason anymore, can i?


the phone just rang. somebody was looking for my mom (who is not here), except the woman was extremely rude and had a retarded high voice. annoy annoy annoy. i hung up before she said bye. ha, burn.

today i was doing community service in the school office as usual, when a woman with her little daughter came to get some documents fixed. she graduated from my school back in the 80s and needed some verification or something. the records clerk was going to go on a holiday, so the woman had to talk to our principal to get what she wanted.

the woman explained and asked principal to fix her things, except principal was a total bitch about it. she mocked her the entire time and wouldn't help her verify the documents. the woman needed verification because she'd never graduated (she was short a few course), but now she has them. principal was obviously looking down at the woman because she was asian and had a crying baby by her side and had an accent and never graduated properly.

my blood boiled.

the baby started crying for mommy really loudly, because the two of them were practically screaming at each other by the end. i hushed the baby but after a while she started crying again REALLY loudly. everybody in the office was clearly embarrased for the woman because principal was being a fucktard and because everybody in the entire A wing could hear them screaming and the baby crying.

i always knew the principal was scary, but i didn't know she was THAT scary. i couldn't even look at her face because she was such a bitch.

im depressed times twenty. ugh.

...................

yarrrrr.

i'm not even going to comment on what happened tonite haha

although i find it hilarious how everybody has double standards. so i can't do what other people do, DUH. that would be just so out of line.

if something doesnt happen soon, i am going to go mental.

.dara says:
GO TO BED YOU CREEP CRAZY HOBBIT

- Jen - Fenny says:
BRING YOUR BALLS


yuh. i always blog when i'm supposed to be in bed. 'supposed to' meaning, it would contribute to the betterment of my health. le sigh.

scanned page from one of my favourite stories! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee picture books.

yarmmmfffgrrrblargh.
fuck, i am so unproductive with my time.

ok i need sleep.

(this is when i go to bed and contemplate all the things I SHOULD HAVE DONE with my time... and be modivated about the next day. except i never follow through with any plans i make at this time the next day.)

when it's past midnite and we're still working on our homework (= every nite), we go delirious on msn. this is one of the sanest conversations, though:

.dara says:
phsaw

- Jen - Fenny says:
phsaw yourself.

.dara says:
*phsaws self*

.dara says:
mmmmmmm, phsaw

- Jen - Fenny says:
*eats phsaw*

.dara says:
MINES

.dara says:
er, mineses

.dara says:
krawk

- Jen - Fenny says:
krawk?!?!?!?

.dara says:
an exclamatory parrot noise

.dara says:
ahaha, do you know lululemon has a flitered water tap right in the store?

- Jen - Fenny says:
where the fuck did you remember this

.dara says:
I went there today.. and it just came to me now

- Jen - Fenny says:
roight.

.dara says:
'cause I saw an article about installing a water filter

- Jen - Fenny says:
.......................

.dara says:
the article is about how municipalities aren't always right about the water being safe yadda yadda

- Jen - Fenny says:
of course................

- Jen - Fenny says:
*runs away from scary dara*

.dara says:
+hit

.dara says:
AHAHAH

.dara says:
I hit you before you could run away!


etc.

another jump-on-the-bandwagon video. you have to look at it sideways, sorry. dara is my favourite juggler. (turn up your speakers.)

yesterday we visited an elementary school first grade class and played games with our little buddies. we played capture the flag in the grassy field.

i want to be in elementary school again. when i was in grade five, i used to be one of those bossy kids who organized huge games of tag/hide and seek/kick the can, etc, during lunch and after school. they were always multi-grade and shit too, basically whoever wanted to play was in the game, everybody from grade one to five.

most of the other fifth graders were lame, in other words "cool" and did not play in the playground. phsaw. instead they roamed the upper field, where they could talk and wallow in their narrowminded cool-dom. don't you know you're supposed to run around and PLAY in the jungle gyms when you are in grade five?????? jeez.

i was also the one to push all the lil kids on swings. i got to twist them while i pushed and they would shriek like maniacs and i would laugh.

i was also a monkey bar/jungle gym fiend.

damn. i wanna be in elementary school again. it rules so much more than high school, even with the amount of homework and weird shit aside.

i'm the girl who loves you inside and out, backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out

amy millan, performing with broken social scene

i got 4 hours of sleep last nite but i don't feel tired at all.

i had a two hour nap though. that was weird because when i woke up i didn't know what time it was or where i was. i don't remember when i fell asleep. i was reading the paper on the couch and the next thing i remember is waking up at 8pm.

thank the lord, i don't have a shitload homework for a while for the next couple of days. thanks to the bajillion assignments that were due today... and will be due on the first week of may. ugh.... not looking forward to that.

I want read Tim Flannery's new book The Weather Makers. it's about climate change and greenhouse gas emissions. i think the deteriorating environment must be sick of being ignored.

I'm listening to Feist's song Inside and Out (Apostle of Hustle Unmix). it blows me away. just her voice and a guitar, completely different from the triphop-y original version. speaking of which, her Remix album is out in stores tomorrow. i don't know when i'll get ahold of it. hopefully by the end of this week.

Bwahhhhhhhhhh

this is a good time for me to die. out of homeworkdom.

i'm glad i never ever ever ever have to do high school once i finish it.
shudder.

I HATES IT.

i use the word "hate" far too much.


artistic people scare me. seriously. i go mute when i'm around them.

racist everyman, what have you done? man, you've made a killer of your unborn son

update:

yarrr. my head hurts.

i wonder when i'm going to go to bed tonite. i kinda have tests to study for and assignments to finish, which i won't be done with in a looooooooooooong time.

anyway. today i developed four rolls of film. i didn't have time to print any, though.

it's so gorgeous outside and it would be perfect weather to go to the beach, except im stuck here doing workworkwork.

i will be so fucking ectatic after the first week of May. FREEDOM! sweet sweet freedom. about 2 more months till end of schoolyear. (and exams... lalala.)

jenny:
if you got a laptop i would die of jealousy

jenny:
actually, i'll die right now

jenny:
*dies*


...



- Jen - FENNY says:
i hate essay

- Jen - FENNY says:
HATE.

- Jen - FENNY says:
WITHALLLCAPITALLETTERSANDNOSPACE

denise says:
i know eh


...


that made zero sense but who gives a rat's ass. my brain is slowing cracking, i think. i think i'm gonna join my sister and watch lotr 3 and then attempt to pull a fucking all niter (when i say allniter, i mean staying up all nite PROCRASTINATING).

AHHHH ITS 2 MIN TILL 1AM.

i hate my endless procrastionatitfifesdifnsdfjgsdnfing.

i am being Bad. everyone should shut the fuck up because they dont make any sense. i have temporarily lost my ability to be at least fake sympathetic and interested, which is the Jenniest quality i have. meh meh meh.

BLAHsgsadfsdf

yuh.

one day i'll write a story about a kinderwhore named Leslie.

... woah, where did that come from?

i wish it were summer so i could sleep enough hours to last me the rest of my life.

drown in my own tears

gagh, die, essay, die.

i am worried that i am not worried about not having done any research so far.... lalalalala.

i wish my essay magically wrote itself.

i downloaded the Islands album, and the Black Mountain album, and some live Matt Good.

today someone whom i hate dearly called me for the first time ever because she needed some chemistry homework. i faxed her sheets. i am way too kind for my own good. hah.

my body feels like deteriorating any minute now.

on a more serious note, check out this documentary called Loose Change if you already haven't... it's fucking scary. it's about a conspiracy theory of 9/11... and the evidence is strikingly comprehensive.

the way young lovers do

today was awesome. when the usual day of pointless school ended, it was sunny and breezy and the sun nudged us to go outside have funnnnnnnnnnnn. the bunch of us first went to safeway first to get some food. on the way to safeway from school, i saw this:

somebody loves math just a lil too much.

lara has an evil grin.

at safeway we ate some uber-healthy sandwiches. also, there was this guy handing out vanilla bean frappuccino samples in tiny starbucks iced cups and green straws - that was adorably and annoyingly sweet and yummy.

we met up with denise and took the bus to Granville Island. we first went to the awesomely fun kids market... i swear that every time we enter that building, we turn into complete children. we're more childish than actual kids. neese desperately wanted to play in the Play Place thingy with lots of plastic balls. then lar wanted to go on the $1-merry-go-round.

COOL ASS (NERDY) KIDS-Y GIZMOS THAT
YOU CAN GET FOR A DOLLAR.

do you know your mushrooms?
(wheee SuperMario.)

curious georgey. denise wanted to buy this children's shirt forself.
it was like, women's size negative twenty.

maaan, i never had girly pink boxes like these.

we went through all the kidsy shops and leafed through oodles of toys. like plastic rings and pink ballerina music boxes. and "SUPER GROOVY" bracelets that sold for 2 bucks. hah. also i saw this Emily Strange bag that i desperately need:

this bag resembles the album cover for
Sonic Youth's Goo *GASP*. i want it.

we mosey'ed towards the direction of an art supplies store called Opus... on the way there, we got just a lil sidetracked and played for a good half hour in the playground. we played on the yellow teeter-totters and the swings and we screamed and laughed so hard. we were probably the loudest people on the entire island. our hollers echoed and everybody stared. this guy even took a photo of us playing on the swings. i introduced my super-cool swingset game from my grade-5 days... i will post a buzznet video of this later.

we also saw this, probably from yesterday's 4/20:

at Opus, there were shelves and shelves of 1000 kinds of sketchbooks and 500 kinds of pencils and 700 types of pencil crayons and 10 million colours of oil paints and there were probably 100 types of pencil sharpeners. i saw 10x10 canvases for under $5 and should have bought it, except i have shitty paints and even shittier painting skillz. everybody in the shop was practically an artist (you could tell by the hushed, condescending looks as we entered the shop loudly). all the art supplies made me feel inadequate and stupid. and there was a tube of paint named "hooker green".

we went to the Granville Market and ate food and ranted for hours about hushgossip, except it wasn't very hushed at all... we probably appeared as obnoxious loud delinquint teens. i don't know how much we talked over each other, we were way hyper. then i said something retarded like WAIT BUT YOU CANT GET PREGNANT WITHOUT HAVING SEX a bit too loudly and these two teen guys gave us an interested look.

after a shitload of peopletrashing and ranting, we went outside and dara chased the pigeons. then we took this totally cliche and must-have photo, because i demanded that we take one:

from top to clockwise: dara, roxy, me, lara, denise.

then neese and dare left and lar, rox, and i fed the duckies by the pond.

pondering lara

the surface of the water looks like marble.

mmmm french baguette.

we went to the playgrounds. then we peopletrashed some more, and rox suddenly exclaimed a big FUCKING HELL in a surge of expression. the parents with their little kids gave us extremely offended and scandalised looks. i had been trying to warn rox not to swear, because there were a lot of lil kids out, but it exploded before we could stop it. one of the parents huffed and yelled at us meanly, but rox was so embarrased and sorry and sincere that the parent became nice and said ok. we left the playground before we swore any more. man, we must have looked like evil ugly kids. fact is, we're not really that evil. far from it.

wheeeeee.

it was the most awesome and childlike day ever and i wuved it. i heart granville island. i go there every week and i'm not sick of it yet.

my family and i went out for dinner at the Mongolie Grill, that was fun. my mom and my sister are way too cool. after dinner we drove to the beach. my sister and i watched downtown vancouver from the sandy beaches, just across from it, seperated by waters. downtown looked like a glowing, beating organism of a city among the evening dark. we were looking at it as if we were examining the city under a microscope. the city had so many lights. the sand was cold and moist.

we went around in the car with jeff buckley's live at sin-e cranked up loudly and drove with the windows down, with the wind in our hair, before coming home.

god, i hate this essay.

i couldn't care less if i got a 4 on it anymore. who gives a fuck. i will probably ace the ktb project anyway right?

ugh. i wish i followed through with that thought and stop trying to be so perfuckingfectionistic.

yar. i'm procrastinating once again. what else is new?

it seems like every day im waiting for "that day when everything in life will be exciting"... right-o. you wait for it and wait for it, but you never actually get to it. we look forward to something that's never gonna happen.

zzzzz.

my sister's blog is way more awesome than mine is. she's 13. i think people get stupider with age.

"come mothers and fathers
throughout the land,
and dont critisize what you cant understand."

i'm so looking forward to this weekend. i plan to work on my essay for about 72 hours straight; i probably won't even be finished in that period anyway.

about 2 more months to go before the schoolyear ends. i will be so fucking ecstatic when we no longer have class.

ugh. these pretentious people going to drive me angrymad.
which is probably kind of hypocritical of me, but WHATEVER.
the kind of people i hate the most are the people who are pretentious about something they know nothing about. please shut the hell up and disappear off the face of earth, kthx.

on a completely unrelated note, one of my school people are going to the hush sound/dresden dolls/ok go/panic! at the disco concert in july. ummm i wanna see the dresden dolls.

two people called me from various places and asked me about my university plans. what the frig. am i nothing but a uni-student-with-potential now?

my endless complaints are boring even me.

recently i read an article about Blogs in the Globe and Mail. the woman who wrote the article raved about blogs' potential to start activism, political awareness, accurate journalism, etc... then she mentioned that all blogs must be written for certain audiences. so, um, what's my blog doing if it doesn't ... say ... anything?

right-o.

dare told me that i swear more than anyone else she knows. do i really swear that much? in grade 8, i was the fraidycat kid who didn't even say "shit". actually, i still am that fraidycat kid, except i do say all kinds of words.

i am currently wearing a Matthew Good pin. man, i'm such a hipster. you know, i think it's true when people say that hipsters are the new yuppies. they are just as annoying, except they are in the opposite end of the "social spectrum" ... or somthing. the tables have turned. i guess you can't be extremist anything amymore without being irritating.

i wish i played bass guitar.

matthew good acoustic tour...
photo via truthexplosion

i hate crying because i have prolonged headaches and a drippy nose for hours afterwards... ugh fuckin' angryangryangry. can everybody disappear please? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

....

on a completely unrelated note, our big Masterplan for Keep the Beat isn't going to work. within three quarters of an hour, we came up with a sketchy plan B that hopefully will work out....

lalala.

i don't think i've ever been more laden with work in any other time in my LIFE.

gold star for robot boy

today i didn't procrastinate for studying physics. somebody gimme a gold star! heh. to be fair, there wasn't actually any material to study... but shhh.

THE HUB IS WORKING FOR ME AND I AM INCREDIBLY HAPPY.
to celebrate, i will put it to good use and download some Islands and Black Mountain songs.

tomorrow i go on a field trip to see a play. typical. how many plays/educational films have i seen this year? i have lost track.

i printed out tickets for my/our Our Lady Peace concert, which is in 10 days. maybe i am excited, a little. i hope they play some old songs like "car crash", "potato girl", "waited", and "thief"... those songs have been appearing in their setlists frequently in last year's club tour. wheeeeeee. i will seriously die and go to heaven if they play "car crash". hopefully it will be a good time.

i am seriously considering changing my name that appears on my blog to Fenny.

oh em gee. what a monumental moment this is. i have jumped on the buzznet video bandwagon. HERE IS MY FIRST POINTLESS VIDEO POST, SO TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS:

maybe we REALLY don't have lives. i can't stop laughing at this.

what a beautiful face i have found in this place

wheeee chalk pastels.

ARGH i have a physics test tomorrow...

which reminds me, it would be a smart idea to study.

today, i had a juicebox and granola bar for lunch. yesterday, i ate toast with jam for dinner. before that, i had instant noodles. i haven't had a proper meal in a looooong time.

i'm on the computer in the computer lab in school during lunch and the grade 12s seem to be planning a big summer trip to europe for themselves. they talk about flights to london to nice to dublin... interesting. a trip to europe after finishing high school sounds fun. and kind of creepy now that we're THIS close to finishing high school. weird.

today is a pointless day as usual; i might as well not have come to school and i would have gained nothing, lost nothing. we have french and math next and i know exactly whats we're going to be told to do. pooooooooooooointless.

people are being really weird these days. i don't do anything about it except laugh out like a maniac when they have left the room. why is everyone so far up their asses about stupid things?

i hope i win the WIN $100 FROM TICKETMASTER raffle that i entered. hope hope hope.

i love you, sugar kane

view from stanley park, vancouver.

i would like to kill my socials essay on 1960s counterculture and my physics test on waves just about now.

oh, and my graduation portfolio.

seriously, isn't doing massive amounts of homework and worrying about marks good enough? what the fuck is the point in anything. la dee dah, isn't this all so profoundly stupid.

and don't even get me started on worrying about postsecondary shit. it worries me how i am NOT worried about the university crap... the adults around me talk, talk, talk about it whenever i'm around, though. it is annoying, just a tad.

lalala.

i need to start a new book because i've read all that i've bought. maybe i'll read that chekhov book that's been sitting in my shelf since the earth cooled. ha, yeah righttttttttt. i want to read ayn rand's The Fountainhead but i doubt my school library has it. Snapey the villain was reading it but there is no way i am ever borrowing anything from her. hahahaaaa.

hmm, i just re-read what i wrote. i think i'm the world's most prejudiced and stubborn person ever sometimes. yar.

can i buy me some productivity? cause i need it badly. i can sell my procrastination, if you want it.

i am the walrus!!!

ew. i hate everything today.


my brain has liquidefied and evaporated.


*dies*

yesterday nite i out out my sketchbook and started drawing this ultra cool drawing that was going to be my Masterpiece Of The Year. then i got excited and decorated too much and afterwards, it was a piece of crap. i became angry that i ruined a perfectly good drawing, so i drew another picture to show my deepest emotion:

anyway. here is a picture from about two weeks ago, done on the back of a weight-loss-pill ad:

i dont know what i was thinking when i drew this:

i scanned some of the b&w photos i've taken/developed/printed, but they are less quality after scanning and resizing. oh well.

i need my weekly dose of Granville Island. damn Easter break.

click on these to see the bigger versions:

click here to watch last nite's Pearl Jam performance on Saturday Night Live.

eddie vedder is like... god.

lindsay lohan hosting got me bored in a second, though. except for that spoof commercial she did. that was frigging hilarious.

it's motioning still, it's standing beside me

this morning i woke up and heard my mom's voice saying something about God and praying. i thought i had tripped into the land of truly insane. i was way freaked out for a minute, but she was just explaining some korean myth to my sister... phew. that was scary.

i've been listening to the jack's mannequin song The Mixed Tape on repeat for days.

i watched an iranian/iraquois movie called Turtles Can Fly. it was the purest movie i've seen. i wish everybody in the world could watch it. like Schindler's List, it made me emotionally helpless about the world. it was heart-wrenching. it was one of those "unforgettable films that tackle the ambivalent, or at least paradoxical, human condition by managing to straddle the inherent injustice and the unfettered hope of perseverance".

i don't want to go back to school after this easter weekend. i dread it so much.

some old photos that may or may be digitally modified. hahah.



the new Sam Roberts single is a fucking awesome song. and the video is also really great. it's 1 42am, what the fuck am i doing, once again, on the computer? nothing. wasting time. i could be pondering the Meaning of Life in these minutes and calling out Eureka! instead, i am staring at a screen and my brain is turning into grey mush. mmm mush.

i have a family of night owls. my mom and i don't usually sleep till 3am now. typical typical typical. i like it late at nite because my sister is asleep and it's quiet. HAHAHA im mean. ugh.

when i get ready to sleep and get in bed, i think of all these things i should have done in the day... like do homework, study for that huge test, burn that cd i promised to burn, write something cool in my blog, think of plotlines for a possible story. i promise myself that i will do that Great Thing the next day, and when i get up at 10 30am, 11am in the next morning, i lose all motivation after breakfast + reading the newspaper. it's sad. i'm such a slacker.

that said, i promise i will do my homework and study for my physics test tomorrow. i should really fail a test or something to get myself straightened and stop procrastinating, but that never happens and i slack off until the very last minute.

i taste the addiction that comes with shopping. seriously, before recently, i spent zero money on outfits/shoes/whatever. only mostly cds. now... holy crass i think i've spent over $200 in the last few weeks. No. probably over $250, easily $300. mostly the concert tickets, people pay me back in cash and i spent it all on clothing and shoes and cds and junk food, etc.

i vow to buy nothing until mid-summer.

except for cds, of course. they don't count. cds are like... toothbrushes. i can't live without them for long.

a few years ago i hated anything remotely close to being labelled "emo" - now, it just sounds stupid. save labels for soup cans, people. i dont even know what emo music consists of anymore. anyway all i know is that i like all these new bands. it's like a phase i'm going through. i like Jack's Mannequin and Fall Out Boy and Cursive and even All-American Rejects... hahaha. i dont know what the frig i'm talking about.

i watched the Punk Show on muchmusic and actually watched the entire episode without being bored. i was surprised. i like Anti-flag.

i miss photography. there is no class this week because it's Easter. too bad because i really really want to develope the stupid film.

blah blah blah so much about myself. im turning into those aloof intellectuals who dont have a clue to what i am talking about.

today i watched Blues Clues on tv. Steven Burns is so cool.


man, im weird.

...

i watched mtv canada for the first time and i'm almost very afraid to say that mtv canada has more professional interviews than Muchmusic does. it's too bad, because mtv talks about anything BUT music. Muchmusic needs to fire matte babel and leah miller and if possible, sarah taylor. i think Much died when rick and amanda and george (!!!) left. it's sad.

on a completely irrelevant note, there is some hushquiet angrygossip going around. i'm scared. i feel bad and guilty. but the worst thing is, in a small part of me, i really couldn't care less.

sigh.


Lara: Lets go dancing!! says:
haha btw i bought a summer dress today at GAP KIDS

Lara: Lets go dancing!! says:
hahahaha

- Jen - FENNY says:
...

- Jen - FENNY says:
you are clearly anorexic if you fit into a gap kids dress

the world's still turning? the world's still turning.


yesterday was fun. the usual five of us went out to downtown to shop. i FINALLY bought Matthew Good Band's The Audio of Being. luckily i found the limited edition, with the "Pleasurable Headache" booklet... for about 8 bucks. yesssssss. sweet.

I also finally bought new shoes. i usually buy one pair of moderately expensive shoes and stick to them until they wear out completely. hahaha.


we ate an incredibly large amount of food yesterday. first some of us had sugar + butter crepes at Cafe Crepe, then after a round of going through the mall, we went to the food court, where we ate fattening fries/poutine from NY Fries... then we got up and moved to Tim Horton's and ate some more food. timbits and the like. we extensively discussed worrying about becoming obese from eating so much, hahahahah. i am well on my way to becoming fat. huzzah.

at the food court there were these mirrors
on the ceiling and i couldn't help but take a picture.

roxy throws her head back to laugh.

at georgia + robson

heh.

i've spent a giant fat sum of money, and have more to buy later this month. next month i am to go on a shopping fast, because at this rate i'll probably go completely broke.

two mysterious arms hold up the cake. wheee seventeen candles.

bleeaearrgh im hungry. i can't go to sleep at this rate. i'll probably dream about eating.

its 2 21am.

my insides feel completely empty and cold... ahhh i must find food.

this shirt is hilarious.

some photos from the last few weeks:

swing buddies!

could this be any cuter? probably not.

vincent and denise are tight like spandex.

mmm cake.

dara took this foto...

and this one

and this one. lara baked this and brought it to school
and we fed everybody. can you believe our efficiency?

i would like a strawberry milkshake right now.

olp concert in 15, err, 14 more days. maybe i should slowly print out the tickets. i spent every single penny of the cash i recieved from my friends' when they paid me back for the OLP tickets. that's about... $120. plus i spent $60 on my own concert ticket. plus i spent the $25 that i won at the poetry contest. i've been spending waaaaay too much money and i think i'm addicted. not good.

Brian Byrne, singer of I Mother Earth, has a solo album which is to be released soon. I watched the video for his first single today. is it just me or is Byrne (pictured above) really droolworthy? hahaha. i have a couple of his songs on my computer already, from a loooong time ago i can't even remember when i got them. he has a song called Jen's Song! sweeeet. i adore his voice in IME stuff, but i'm not sure about his new solo songs.

i watched Capote. it was chilling. i finished watching it at 12 30am and i watched a bit of the Gogol Bordello performance on Jimmy Kimmel. i should check out their album soon. they're crazy.

gypsy punks gogol bordello.

im afraid im going to waste this long weekend by doing nothing but sleeping and procrastinating. anyway, today was the last of the keep the beat auditions, THANK THE FRIGGING LORD. i don't know why i'm relieved because truthfully the auditions weren't much work. i worry too much ahead of time.

for BCers: the newest copy of the student-written, greater vancouver-wide newspaper, Youthink, has an interview with Raine Maida (OLP) about his being a keynote speaker at vancouver's New Music West.

im blogging more and more about music and less about anything literary/abstract or even just about my daily life these days. i dont want this to turn into a music blog, though. there are plenty of them out there.

today i saw one of the TEACHERS in my school wearing a Shout Out Louds tshirt. i had to ask her if she went to their concert - she said she did, they opened for somebody she saw a while ago, and she couldn't remember who. she said she goes to too many concerts. bizarre.

i think i love sonic youth all over again, cause i've been listening to two of their albums for 3 days in a row now. 'sugar kane' is the best song.

i'll meet you here tomorrow, independence day

future butterfly,

gonna spend the day higher than high
you'll be beautiful confusion
once i was you

i saw you caught between all the people out making the scene
and a bright ideal tomorrow
don't go too far
stay who you are

everybody knows
everybody knows
everybody knows
you only live a day
but it's brilliant anyway

i saw you in a perfect place
it's gonna happen soon but not today
so go to sleep and make the change
i'll meet you here tomorrow
independence day
independence day
independence day

after seven hundred hours, i am done my socials, physics, and english homework. thank the lord.

bleh.

i hate graduation portfolio with a burning passion. so frigging pointless and stupid.

my newest name is Fenny. as of tonite.

yar. i'm tired. i wish it were summer. i need some mindless fun. i wanna go swimming.

you've got kissability, you could be a star, it ain't hard

one more loooong day until easter weekend. i want to sleep 20 hours in a row.

maybe this summer i'll actually do something. like write something worth publishing. it seems like everyone writes books these days, i dunno how i feel about that but i'm one of them, so meh.

i want this tshirt. i love Threadless. i would buy a hundred of their shirts if i could.

i will REALLY be happy after May 4th. phew.

... im losing any sense of time whatsoever. i thought it was about six o'clock just now.

photo: ilisu

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i am hypergiddy slash uber tired and lacking in sleep. last nite i rolled around in my bed until 3am, because i couldn't fall asleep. i thought a million things to do for ktb instead. weird. i am so coming down to a crash this weekend because by then i will have zero energy.

i realized today that i am a total everything-wannabe. photographer wannabe, artsy person wannabe, journalist wannabe, music asshole wannabe, genuinely nice person wannabe, etc. it doesnt quite bother me as of now because my brain is too busy thinking about other things, ie. the enormous amount of homework we have these days. oh, did i ever mention just how much time i spend just thinking about keep the beat? ha ha ha.

tomorrow, the school schedule changes up again and it will totally screw me over for the next three weeks. i am so inflexible to change. ugh.

so much too do, so little time.

whenever i write something sarcastic on my blog and write 'ha ha ha' right after it, im always afraid that no one will catch what the fuck i'm saying. therefore making me look weird and absolutely incoherent.

i must do a shitload of research for socials soon.

i don't know if i will ever be able to do any real volunteering this term. i have approx. 3 hours from helping out set up the school assembly, but i need at least 7 more hours by the end of may.

i should stop complaining and just do the goddamned things i complained about not doing. ok ok im'a gonna go be productive. bye.

pointless pointless pointless. it seems to me that we have a shitload of homework but never really learn anything these days... what a waste of time. i'm tired as hell and need to finish up more time-consuming assignments that make no sense.

in math class today i was very pissed off at the two guys sitting in front of dara/allison - they drove me up the fucking wall. one day i would just like to step on their faces. they talk, talk, talk, claiming that Math Is Easy and that people who cannot obtain answers in a snap are inferior retards. they are so far up their asses. ugh. they act like fifth graders - "seeee! toldja that was the answer." ew. just get out of my please, kthx.

i am extremely excited for the KTB. i think that's the only thing that's driving me to live these days. or something.

i was talking to andrew today and he was bitter about how Fall Out Boy "sold out" and i had to laugh inwardly because that behaviour is so indie elite i-knew-them-before-they-exploded behaviour. i was aware of FOB before last year, when they were signed to Fueled by Ramen and not a major record label, but i hated emo back then and didn't bother to check them out. i love pete wentz's lyrics but he is such a frigging diva. ehn.

i forgot to watch MuchMusic VJ Search today, but i hear Tim won (big surprise). so... yeah. he's our newest vj. it could be worse. MuchMusic needs a new george strombo, but i doubt that will ever quite happen.

i severely need a job.

i am trying to add stuff onto my measly high-school resume. I HATE RESUMES.

i cant stand people who defend retarded jerks. if you clearly hate them and can see their faults, why do you even bother defending them, and trying to make them look good? i can deal with the retarded asses themselves; i can't deal with it when people are trying to pull out excuses for their idiocy. it drives me up the fucking wall. just admit that you are stupid and selfish, goddammit.

ugh.

i have so much homework to do tonite... fun fun fun. i think i average 5 hours of sleep these days. even less on weekends.

last nite i tried to watch Capote but i was so dead from hours of crying/arguing/screaming that i fell asleep after about 2 minutes. hopefully i'll watch it this week.

at photography class today, we went out under the burrard bridge to model and shoot photos of each other. it was amusing to have people examine the way i stand/sit so they can take the Perfect Snapshot. the four of us took turns modeling. there is this one girl, sarah, who i took a lot of close-up shots of. i can't wait to develop the photos of sarah especially because her face had a vulnerable/shy/clever girl look with a touch of emo.

we took some photos by the beach but it was super-muddy, my shoes and jeans got wet and gross.

the photography people i work with are interesting. some are crazy talented future art school students, but most are just ambitious, artsy people who are always just a tad bit pretentious. the kind who wear chucks and buttons. and i enjoy being with them, because they make sense. or maybe because it's a change from everyday.

speaking of chucks. i want a green pair. i saw them in a mall for sixty dollars. WANT WANT WANT. i sound like such a materialistic prick. i do need new shoes desperately, though. and i mean NEED.

purple haze, galang-alang-alang-lang!

in the aeroplane over the sea.

there is this boy in my saturday school class who is the biggest phoney/poseur ever. i want to hit him in the face every time he talks. he can't bear to answer questions asked by lowlings other than his so-called friends. lowlings include the teacher. ugh.

today we had to read out poems, the ones we had to write for a homework assignment. everyfuckingbody wrote shitty emo poems about Love Hurts But Will Never End blah blah blah blasdkjfls;gkjdgljdkf. there was only one kid other than me who wrote about anything remotely different. gag. these poems are supposedly meaningful. listening to people recite them is like trying to swallow 5 pounds of syrup-drenched sugar cubes.

my mom was busy today at some Important School Board Meeting so my sister and I got rides off some parents picking up their kids from the saturday school. first, we got a ride from a nice woman from Langley to Marine Drive in vancouver. we got dropped off at a street, and then we got another ride from a different parent from around Marine Drive to our apartment.

all these parents who gave us rides were complete strangers. but i guess that doesn't really matter.

the man who drove us from Marine Drive to our house had two daughters, who were near my age. they were the nicest and the most genuine people i've ever met in MY ENTIRE LIFE, hands down. it was pretty bizarre that i felt that way, because i was in the car for about 15 minutes max., and talked about generic crap, like schools and living in canada, etc.

after we arrived in our house i felt a little sad. i think i miss my dad. ugggggghhhhhhh. sometimes i think it's too bad that i don't have a completely cliche, generic, play-in-the-yard-feed-the-dog-and-go-rollerblading childhood.

the party last nite was fun. as usual it turned sour but whatever. we had sooo much chocolate fondue... i think i'm considerably fatter this morning. eric and ben kept cracking jokes and i had to laugh at every single one of 'em. we started watching monty python's The Holy Grail, but then the party split. a couple of us went out to the elementary school at around 10 30pm and played on the jungle gym and the monkey bars. i miss callouses on my hands. i used to be an insane money bars freak.

i talked to Anna for a bit while sitting outside her steps. it touched me that she cared about my life (or something). she talked about how Pat is in love with his guitar.

my mom picked me up from the party and we drove around streets aimlessly, trying to listen to jeff buckley for just a bit longer. i think i got her addicted to JB and Feist. and Leonard Cohen.

i'll teach you how to get to purest hell

today is my friend denise's birthday. she had her locker decorated and lara baked a cake for her and ayli (who had her birthday yesterday)... we celebrated during lunch at school and they blew out 16 of the 17 candles. heh. the cake was yummy.

after school dara and i stalled for hours, trying to get our plan into action... we stayed at Starbucks until vincent showed up, then we went to matt's house... it was quite random and amusing. we watched The Incredibles. matt was pretty much sleeping the entire time... he looked really tired. heh.

we bussed back home and we're going to have a get-together party thing at anna's ... i will see how that goes, im going in half an hour. we're going to eat desserts and listen to crap music and dance. ahahahahaaha.

haha a lot of name-dropping in this post eh?

may says:
i hate that every mini lunch is totally dedicated to bio and physics homework.

may says:
i loved it when back in grade 8, we sat at the top of the hill, no worries and talked.

- Jen - says:
hahahahahahahahahahahah I AGREE.

woooooahhhh Sonic Youth is opening for Pearl Jam on PJ's tour... holy crap. So far there is no Vancouver date (at least on Pitchfork, anyway).

In other Sonic Youth news, their new upcoming record, Rather Ripped, is due to be released on June 13th on Geffen.


keeping up with school, Keep The Beat, and life in general has been hectic the last few weeks. I don't have anything to blog, really, except that i'm working hard on KTB. i wish it were May 4 soon so i can hurry and get it over with. it's more stressing than a science fair project (and that's saying a LOT).

i'ma go eat a bagel with cheese and read the newspaper. ciao

UGH

im extremely stressed

ummmmm yeaaarrrr. this is why partnerships do not work. only hierarchies.




WE HATE YOUR HATE



on a completely irrelevant note, Fall Out Boy are coming to HMV (robson and burrard) this Sunday at 2pm to sign autographs and promote their "new" album... woah. i would go see what it would be like, but i have photography then.

speaking of photography. the new "advanced" class that i was put in is kind of intimidating. i dont belong to a group of crazy good photographers, mostly because i suck at it and dont have an artistic eye, or whatever the fuck it's called. i dont really wish to become part of it either, but i dont really have any other pseudo-talent.

wtf, i dont think any of that made any sense.


ciao.

at a Flaming Lips concert... via stereogum

the next two days are birthdays and i'll probably die of exhaustion from trying to make cards, getting the class to sign it, coming to school early to decorate lockers, wrapping gifts, writing thoughtful letters, planning other shit, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

there is a shitload of work to be done for Keep the Beat. i work pretty much 3 days out of the 5 weekdays after school trying to get things done. lalala. we are putting up lots of posters around the school to promote WarChild and its music fundraiser KTB. ive never put up posters for things i've organized/believed in before. i'm always afraid people will rip them off the walls or laugh after i stick them up.

i need to hurry and get that haircut that i've been procrastinating to get since the dawn of time. i need it now because i clearly need to become more interesting. right now im as interesting as a no-name glue stick. hahahahah.

i have 23 days till the OLP concert and i am not excited one bit. more like i'm dreading the date. i don't know why, but the fucked up concert sales that happened recently pissed me off more than i could possibly imagine... im not really obsessed about the stupid seats, but the whole $170 Hot Seat thing (which you may or may not know about, depending on who you are)... not to mention the crap that happened with the fan club.

anyway. i should go do something productive like study french or read chemistry or study math or take a frigging shower.

ciao.