jesus this is one of the most depressing ones i've read for a while

ewwwwwwwwwwwww i just read my grad writeup that i sent in ages ago (i was on one of my numerous gmail accounts and randomly discovered it). MY GRAD WRITE UP IS SO ULTRA GROSS i can't believe i wrote something like that in it. EW. ew ew ew ew ew ew x googol.

in other news, i am supposed to be making a giant presentation/slideshow on John Steinbeck and i am scrood.

fucking history tests this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"nothing'severgonnastandinmyway" - jeff tweedy

tall buildings shake, voices escape singing sad, sad songs

DARA BOUGHT HER PROM DRESS! what a monumental day. with two weeks to go till prom. cuz you know, prom is real important.

things to do:

- writing presentation
- math homework (because i havent done any in the last month)
- history studying (ugggh.)
- mount photo project finals
- neverending chem worksheets
- worry about uni shit
- haha. clean my room. it is a pigsty.


xoxo

sunny sundae smile

woooo PRETTY SUNSHINE outside. it feels like summer is HERE! too bad i cant go to the beach, i am up to my tits in homework. but the golden sun rays are entering the apartment and all is warm and it feels happy to be here.

yay

on friday the bunch of us went shopping in kerrisdale. i bought a yellow ring for $5 and some books... i read some of walt whitman's "song of myself" and it inspired me. i want to read leaves of grass.

so many things to do and so little time to do them. i feel like i'm wasting my life on too many unimportant details rather than really LIVING. Tuesday is May 1... time is flying by! in about two seconds it'll be the end of school, then the end of summer. holyshit.

i printed up my photo project finals from london drugs, to severe disappointment. i am NEVER using london drugs to print up colour digital photos ever again. the colours came out desaturated. thanks, LD. oh well. i have put in about twenty thousand hours into this project, Ms D BETTER give me a decent mark on this.

i am still in a quandary when it comes to university shit. mang i wish i weren't going into journalism. it would make things so much easier and happier to go into a big fat generic school.

grrrrreetings. man i havent blogged in a while. i am on my mom's laptop because my computer has somewhat crashed and won't play nicey nice.

i had a crazy day and had to sit with mom during her staff meeting at a korean restaurant. oh dear god. came home at about four, then went shopping in kerrisdale where they gave out balloons and purdys ice cream bars. yummers.

bought three more books from Hager's.

my sister read "the bell jar" by sylvia plath and is currently obsessed with it.

gonna watch "waking life" tonite. man i am so fucked for next week's history test. as well as that GIANT presentation on steinbeck.

went to jazz cabaret tonite. awwwwwwwwwwwwww i miss school concerts and braverman. dayum i am getting nostalgic about high school already, barf.

dare and i sat next to philips' very handsome student teacher, who is so incredibly attractive. if there were aliens in this galaxy, the first they'd do is steal him. he has dark hair and dark eyes and bobs his head to the jazzy rhythm section..... swooooon. i am gaga over him.

mark sang a solo, and when he introduced his song, he dedicated to his "special someone", making everyone in the audience go AWWWWWWWW. oh mark is hilarious. korean emo kids crack me up. the "special someone" was a korean girl with a white umbrella, i saw her hanging round him when he was smoking just outside the school.

all the girlies in vocal jazz were dressed in silk dresses, all gorgeous. i dressed like a granny in a longish black skirt and a sweater. aha.

okayyyyyyy i think thats enough talk? sleeptime for fenny i think.

what am i doing up? absolutely nothing. i need some kind of reality check. at this rate i am going to die of sleep deprivation. 9 hours of sleep over two days!!

tomorrow/today is jazz cabaret. should be fun. can't take any pictures though because all my computers are fucked and my memory cards full. i have not done any homework tonite. fuck man i need to go to bed.

dare if you are online by some miraculous coincidence, read this: i am buying the concert ticket from andrew tomorrow and you should too.

kthxbi.

hey hello!

got maybe three hours of sleep last nite. loooong fucked up story. i hate when shit like this happens but thats life?

was supposed to _______ with _______, but that didn't happen today.

my computer is fucked and so are all the ones in the art room at school. what the fuck am i supposed to do with my photo project if i cant use them? ugh.

"I do not know whether my present poems are better than the earlier ones. But this is certain: they are much sadder and sweeter, like pain dipped in honey." - Heinrich Heine

.......

i'll stop here so i dont have to go all emo.

hahaha. remember when we used to create a ruckus like this? i love juvenile shits like this.



i uh played that game all throughout elementary school and i remembered it out of nowhere i guess. we had fun and we were pretty much the loudest people on the entire island (that is, granville island). heh.

hard times are in fashion

im writing too much on my blog these days because:

a) i have homework
b) i am pissed off, angry, emo, etc.

i write best when i am not happy. aha. luckily, i am not happy most of the time.

haha ew at that thought.

i can't believe my marks are "good" when i procrastinate 99% of my life.

what shall i do with my guitar when i move away to university? sell it? take it with me? smash it into a billion pieces in a fantastic glory? set it on brilliant fire a la jimi hendrix?

i found jaesung via facebook today (actually, he found me). i havent talked to him since ... ages ago. since grade ten, i think. last i heard, he went to france to study, but i have no idea how long. i should ask. man, its weird to think that i've known him for longer than i've known all of the mini's!

when we were young, you were the king of carrot flowers.

ewww french homework. i have not made progress.

hahahah we are such inconsiderate little critters getting angry about nothing and everything. arent we all so pathetic.

/nihilist

people are stupid, school is stupid. about to have a brain hemorrhage from this general retardation of my everyday life. BARF. i hope this isnt what real life is like. i have an idyllic pastoral, cultured land of wonderous figures in my head. HAHAHAHA.

started a new sketchbook yesterday because i was utterly bored. didn't study enough for chem but did well on the quiz anyway. i clearly over-study and over-worry.

i dont think i will be _____ to ______. this makes me somewhat ugh.

i made a delicious dinner tonite. i could be a good housewifey if i wanted to be!

in other news, we are studying arab-israeli conflicts in history class. my historyteacher can't say one word on the subject without offending rachel, the Good Jew. le sigh. i wish i could say shit but obviously i cant. ewww my leftist ways scare me sometimes. this chapter is fun to study though, it actually has to do with things going on today. probably the most interesting thing i've studied all year.

i want to see my very few non-mini friends but i have no life nor courage to do hang out with them.

which brings me to the conclusion that i need more friends.

ps. i was going to end the post here but ive realized that i need to go back to my frenchhomework reality once i publish this post. GAH DEAR GOD.

pps. why am i so weird these days. and why are all my questions rhetorical ones

big black mariah

greetings everybody. i have THIS much work to do, blargh, but fuck it, who cares about frrrrrench. man, i despise that abominable subject. barf.

CANUCKS WON LAST NITE! onto round two against anaheim. hahaha.

i need to find myself a colour printer for my photo project. ive probably taken more pictures for this project than i have for any other ones. none of my pictures are spectacular though. gah. i should put them up here (like i've been saying so for the last month) but my computer is still "broken". at this rate i won't be able to take ANY pictures. shit!

i'm going to jazz cabaret at our school this thursday. yuhhhh.

why am i even writing this post?

we're bikini kill, and we want revoluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuution!

today was a lovely sunny day. completely ruined by half the universe's general grumpiness. in history we continued watching "letters from vietnam" which again made me hella depressed. the movie has damn some good one-liners and quotes though. according to vietnamese prostitutes, "baby son" means a young virgin soldier. hahaha.

"for these soldiers, war is a bore, except for the moments of sheer terror, when men die."

ANYWAY. what a terrible day at school. i was all happy go lucky this morning (i slept in) but when i got to school, my good mood was mangled.

"good mood" is a hink pink.

had a series of deep talks with ester today, who in her general grumpiness told me about shiz that was bothering her. haha. hearing her story makes me wonder, WHEN WILL PEOPLE EVER STOP BEING SELFISH, INCONSIDERATE BOOBS?

developed a thousand pictures from London Drugs. there's bound to be at least seven pictures that my photo teacher won't be contemptuous of. barf. what is art. i can't believe i am trying to please my goddamn teacher on what looks artistic and not.

tried to talk to people today but failed miserably because they didn't care about me enough. oh well duders. if they want to be assholes, that is fine with me.

listened to bikini kill and sleater-kinney today. i am in a riot grrrl phase. also some guns n roses, MAN i have NOT listened to them for a while.

i have a "job", but no one cares. elliott smith says, everybody cares, everybody understands.

such a beautiful way to break my heart

yesterday i watched two movies... first i rented BEFORE SUNSET, a movie half the universe have recommended to me. it was alright. i can definitely see the romantic appeal. hahahahahaha. i want to see its prequel though, because it seems more interesting. heh. at times, some lines seemed contrived, but i can't really blame the moviemakers for that.

then i watched You've Got Mail on showcase channel, a COMPLETELY REALISTIC movie (sarcastic). mmmmmmmmmm what a deliciously good chik flik. i finished watching at 3am. Tom Hanks was good, and i didnt even get annoyed at Meg Ryan.

i rented Waking Life and The Departed too, but i regret renting both. my mom desperately wants to see the former because i told her it's "utterly confusing and totally philosophical". i guess i will see it with her when she does.

fuck i haven't done any work this weekend. lalala. i have a math test and english shits due next week. and a chem quiz. anything else due this week? oh right, french, and a crapload of history that i've been ignoring for the last month or so. and my photography project that i am utterly scrood for. hahahahaha.

i read harry potter all day today and am addicted all over again. garghaghaghaghghghggh.

i approve of my friend's msn name: "Sudan? Meh. VTU? OHMYGODHS@!!!"

Haha.

smoke two joints in times of peace and two in times of war

i havent blogged in ages, it seems. Hmm. a ton have happened in the last couple days. weird weekend though. i'll tell you about Friday.

on 4/20, the gang and i (minus lara, who was away in victoria) went to the park in front of my house, ate food from town pantry, and lounged on the warm grass. then ester tried to "consuspiciously" smoke the pot but she failed to light up. rox and ester contemplated making special brownies. dara rode ester's bike.

the pot made my hands smell like dryer sheets. haha. anyway, i took this GREAT picture of ester and denise, in which they look like they are eating each other's faces. i will have to upload that later.

after we stuffed ourselves with food, dara denise & i took the bus to downtown to do some shopping... man. half the people on the bus were stoned. vancouver is so funnie. this dude sitting three seats away from us was rolling a joint, making casual conversation with anther dude. aha.

as expected, when we got to downtown, there was a smoky haze (haha i had to make the word "haze" purple) over the art gallery, where celebrating potheads sat on the steps, awaiting 4:20. we watched a bunch of guys playing drums and apparently the bagpipes as well, though the kilt-wearing guy didn't play the bagpipes when we were there.

we then took off to do some shopping splurge our asses off. i bought a black tank top with pop-arty designs in the front. it is a wicked shirt. credit denise cuz she made me try it on. i also got my ruffly black shoes for prom (hooray) and a pair of pinstriped pants for $15.

we went to this cramped japanese restraurant called Guu (on thurlow and robson). this place was AMAZING. i highly recommend if you ever visit vancouver/if you live in vancouver already, even. the chefs and waitresses pretty much don't speak a word of english (maybe except their Hai~~ greetings). there are open flambe's and the employees shout orders to each other in japanese.

Guu didn't sell conventional sushi but their food was ORGASMIQUE. ah ah ah. the three of us split five dishes, five pieces of art. there was this one appetizer, raw salmon mixed with raw quail egg, eaten with crackly rice cracker things. have noooo idea what it is called. anyway it was like bites of heaven. LOVELOVELOVE.

what did we do after Guu? the sun was still up by then (it was a lovely sunny day) and the air was warm. quote dara, "I LOVE TODAY!" we went to off the wall and tried on skinny jeans. i realized how fat i am. hahhaa. well i think that is all i can remember about friday.

ps. oh yes, one more thing. all the bus drivers musta been high or summat cuz all of them were cracking jokes. denise and i were bussing home and the bus driver said that he should've married me when i said "ive had enough shopping". interesting. also: "you know you've had too much to drink when someone offers you soup or sex, and you say, i'll take the soup." hahaha what the fuck.

I'm the man who loves you

Hahahaha.

Jen // Fenny says:
DARA

Jen // Fenny says:
i'm your love

Jen // Fenny says:
say it

.dara says:
JENNY IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

.dara says:
left arrow three

Jen // Fenny says:
YAYYYYYYY

Jen // Fenny says:
*posts*

i'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail

what the fuck is this place?

this is jack.rabbit.slim's.

c'mon mia, lets go get a steak.

you can get steaks here, daddy-o. dont be a... *square*



does someone wanna see pulp fiction with me this weekend? haha.

shut up i am dreaming of places where lovers have wings

the highest mountain, by peter max.

short day at school today. me and the gang went to south granville to look at shoes, dresses, bras. i tried on a white dress with red prints, it was pretty. went back to school and stupidly stared at dispirto's computer screen while she lectured. i do not have an artistic eye. by then i was so pooped out i could have fallen asleep.

Mr. T bitched at me today and it was scary. he has pms. hahaha.

dare and i lay on the school field in the shiny sun till 6ish. i talked and dare didnt. typical.

life is disappointing. i am disappointing.

golconde, by rene magritte

the virginia shooting killer was a 23 year old korean dude. i read the paper and he sounds like what my 18-year-old cousin would be like in the future. hahaha. nahhhh jokesss.

i dont know why im not caring about the virginia shooting so much. my mom is having a field day with it, investigating every story she finds. she's reading the bbc and the korean media and everything in between on the internet.

magritte fascinates me. surrealist paintings make me want to leave earth and live in an alternate universe.

sleep like a pillow

POST #1,000!

i have to say something profound, but... what?

um... happy new year? oops.

i promised dara i would write a big fat grandiose post about her for my 1000th post, but that would take forever and i need to get this out now while i am still procrastinating hwk.

anyway. thot of the day. how can someone you HATE so easily become someone you LOVE, and vice versa? happens too frequently in my life. messes with my head.

ONE MONTH EXACTLY TILL PROM. hlysht.

i want to have a party thing for my birthday, but i am not sure. hmm.

i'm in love with charles bukowski's poe-tree, and have downloaded two albumfuls of spoken word.

ok what else? i should be doing chem homework. or math.


++++++++


HERE IS something EXTRAORDINARILY SPECIAL, courtesy of Youtube. with this, i will celebrate my 1000th post on this blog. watch all of it, it might take a while to load but TRUST ME ITS WORTH IT (especially if you've never seen it before). plus it's a good-quality video.

pulp fiction - vincent and mia's dancing scene
(2 min 29 sec)




why is Mia Wallace so amazing?

SHIZZZZZ. this is childhood nostalgia.

TV Guide's 50 greatest cartoon characters

1. Bugs Bunny
2. Homer Simpson
3. Rocky and Bullwinkle
4. Beavis and Butt-head
5. The Grinch
6. Fred and Barney
7. Angelica Pickles (aka RUGRATS)
8. Charlie Brown and Snoopy
9. SpongeBob SquarePants
10. Cartman
11. Bart and Lisa Simpson
12. Fat Albert
13. The Powerpuff Girls
14. Daffy Duck
15. Pikachu
16. Gumby
17. Betty Boop
18. Top Cat
19. Mickey Mouse
20. Popeye
21. Gerald McBoing-Boing
22. Scooby-Doo
23. Underdog
24. Josie and the Pussycats
25. Heckle and Jeckle
26. Arthur (the antelope, brother of D.W.)
27. Winnie the Pooh
28. Felix the Cat
29. Mr. Magoo
30. George of the Jungle
31. Ren and Stimpy
32. Tom Terrific
33. Tweety and Sylvester
34. Bill
35. Space Ghost
36. Yogi Bear and Boo Boo
37. Mighty Mouse
38. Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner
39. Superman
40. Batman
41. Daria
42. Wonder Woman
43. Donald Duck
44. Alvin
45. Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale
46. Woody Woodpecker
47. Porky Pig
48. Bobby Hill
49. Speed Racer
50. Tom and Jerry


the ones in colour are some of the ones i watched RELIGIOUSLY. man, i love cartoons.


and Hugo just re-launched my obsession for Daria (#41 on the list). remember that cartoon? i saw it even in Korea. i never got all the cynical, witty shit in it when i was in grade five. I WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN.


i love rugrats.

i'm sad Ms. Frizzle (a la Magic School Bus) is not on the list. poo.

i miss watching cartoons.

ps. this is my 999th post!

your daddy's rich, and your momma's good lookin

[painting by peter max]

this is my 998th post...

god, why am i still up. its 2 44am, a neat number. i've done too much writing for tonite. must sleep. frick frick frick. im hungry. i like my short story. its vague as hell in my vain attempts to be "deep". oh well.

sleepsleepsleep

art is cheap, photography is cheaper

i can't for the love of god convince this dude that photography can be art. notice my keyword "CAN". jesu christ i give up.

i just wasted like... 2 hours of my valuable homework time. haha.


Jen // Fenny says:
im trying to organize my thots. no one takes pictures with a MEANING in their heads beforehand. its not about meaning... more like what you see and feel and capturing it so that it becomes implied. thats not meaning, is it? its not so grandiose. its what looks artistic. its artistic because it works, and thats hard to come by. its unique. it may be ordinary, but it has something special to give.

Jen // Fenny says:
its noticing something and recording it. its observing and saying something subtly

Jen // Fenny says:
its not preaching. well unless its a photo out of an AIDS in africa pamphlet or something. but art photography to me at least is first of all what LOOKS interesting and intruguing, then pondering about what the photographer was thinking, why they took the picture the way they did

Jen // Fenny says:
pictures can be taken for all sorts of stuf but photo as an art form is like... observing then expressing. not everyone notice the same things the same way, and rarely are what these people notice intruiging or unique pov

fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high

my mom and i are both having a crappy day today. holy shit, my mom needs to quit her job or something because it is slowly killing her. ahahaha uggh. and i need to quit my pathetic attempts to study chemistry. . . . . . . . .

A solution of 5.5% acetic acid is titrated with 0.100M NaOH. What volume of NaOH will be required to neutralize a 10.0ml sample of the vinegar?


just shoot me.


++++


last nite was aylz's party and i didnt go because i am clearly a loser. ALTHOUGH i started reading life of pi. also, i drew/painted a pencil crayon replica of in the aeroplane over the sea album cover [above]. it is one of the nicest pieces of art i've done, though it is not original.

it's not finished yet, but i will scan it onto the computer when i am done. or maybe sell the drawing. i'm sure i could draw again. it was easier than i thot it would be.

i made the yummiest snacks today. i made kraft dinner but nixed the cheese powder, and put REAL CHEESE in it. it was delicious and devoid of that salty MSG flavour. i also ate apple slices with crunchy peanut butter, and apple slices dipped in honey. you should try them.

for breakfast i made an omelette with tomatoes, cheese, onions and peanuts.

then i did a huge load of dishes. it took me AT LEAST 45 minutes. ugh.

summertime, and the livin's easy

oh yeah. Kurt Vonnegut died on April 11 (aka 3 days ago). i wasn't actually conscious & aware that he was still alive, but it sucks that he died. one less talented person in the world. there was a huge obituary in the papers yesterday.

i read Cat's Cradle in the summer and i thot it was an amazing book. pretty crazy and funnie. i should read it again. that book and Fight Club changed my life over the summer, haha.

i'm anxious i haven't started doing homework yet. well actually.... i'm anxious that i'm NOT anxious that i haven't started. geddit.

i've been listening to sublime all day. i think brad nowell is my new kurt cobain?

my sister is vancouversunrun-ing tomorow. i am fat and lazy and will not participate for the nth time of my life. fuck, why am i not doing something more productive right now?

ps. msn and facebook ruin lives.

just watched Groundhog Day in its entireity for the first time. God, what an awesome movie. can i marry bill murray please? it doesn't matter that he's about fifty years older than me... WHY IS HE SO GOSHDARN AWESOME.

after school today i took a shatload of pictures of dara, but i cannot upload them until my computer is fixed. Hmm. some of the photos i really like, but today was a grey rainy day, and the results are less than ideal. i wish there had been sun.

my sister was sleeping on my bed and i told her "get thee to thy own bed". HAHAHA i scare myself.

shit man. $16,000 is a lotta money. i want to take it.

i'm trying not to over-worry for the last 2 months of this stupid thing called high school.

kthxbi.

shit man, what was i THINKING? i am clearly deluded. what a loser i am.

the lesson of this story is that you should hide what you think and never tell anyone about what you feel. hahahahahhahahahahaha i crack myself up.

i want to skip writing again tomorrow but can't because i have been slack in going to classes for the last month or so.

dear friends:
i am bringing my camera to school tomorrow so WEAR SOMETHING NICE. i plan to take portraits of all of you. also, i may or may not be bringing props that i am going to bully you into wearing.

Haha.

in other news... i have no other news. last nite i slept at 3am after arguing with malcolm on msn. about what? i said i'd rather people start planting carrots than split hairs over philosophy. mmm carrots...

i was so dead tired this morning, and i took a 2-hour nap as soon as i returned from school. whatta loser.

i am making a GIANT LIST OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE SEPTEMBER. dara denise and lara, i expect that you will be helping me make this list.

fuck i dont want to graduate high school. there's too much shit i havent done yet! here i am, with two months of high school to go and i realize that i've been wasting my time doing ABSOLUTELY ZILCH of what i want to do.

i need a universal stopwatch so i can enjoy my life here now, without having to worry...

i quote dara:

Have you ever felt blinded, drifting around in some kind of cavern that isn’t quite depression and isn’t quite discontent? Well, that’s the haze through which I’ve been walking.


this is depressing.

i can't believe i am saying this, but i wish i were going to UBC. i'm afraid.

oh jenny. where is your oh so cosmopolitan, too-pretentious-for-vancouver self now?

HOLY FUCK 4OT. ive been watching this thing for five hours and i cant stop :(

I WANNA STUDY FOR CHEM T_T

ugh. how am i supposed to study for my stupid chemistry quiz (which i will undoubtably fail) if i am watching second overtime of the goddamn canucks game?


ugh chem.

craaaaass im having the biggest dilemma right now.

:*(***

where to go next year? AGH please shoot me somebody. i have to start rejecting/accepting unis in TWO FUCKING WEEKS and i have noooo idea what i should do. plus i won't know if i've gotten into other programs until may!!!!!l;asdfkjaslfkjslkdfjlksf PLUS i have to take scholarships into consideration because i am dirt broke. WHAT DO I DO????????????

UGH. stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid x googol x infinity.

my friend daniel's current msn name is "HAPPY RESURRECTION JESUS!" haha that kid always cracks me up.

MAN, i dont want to return to school tomorrow. i want to skip first block and sleep in, but i'm already horribly behind in chemistry. uggggggggggg gurgle gurgle.

i have been WRITING so much shit today. i dont even know what. blogging journaling making history notes (gag). oh shit i forgot to study for that english quiz. oh well...

clare, a girl in my grade who got into harvard, emailed me about our french group project. ewww, french homework is the LAST thing i want to think about right now. fuck fuck fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo.

anywayzzz i should go type up my lovely writing assignment. mmm lovely. i could eat this word because it sounds yummy.

...what the fuck am i talking about?

see the cross-eyed pirate sit perched in the sun

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

yesterday nite i was cleaning under my bed (aka disaster area) when i came across my huge ass box. my huge ass box is a special box, because it contains souvenirs, memorabilia, and all sorts of other crap from my past. some things in this box include:


1. birthday, christmas, new year cards that date back to 1998 (when i first came to canada)
2. programmes from arts nights, band concerts, choir rehearsals, school plays
3. letters ive received from friends, family, and bloggers :O
4. class photos from elementary school years
5. miscallenous important crap i've accumulated over the last nine years


i laughed and cried going through this box and finding all sorts of old shit. in one of my birthday cards it said "OMGZ YOU'RE HALFWAY TO THIRTY!" hahaha oh dear. remember when denise and anna wrote the new lyrics to "sk8er dork"? i still have this. remember when we referred to specific people as HIM and HIMHIM and HIMHIMHIM? holy. shit. im. about. to. die. of. laughter.

i was overwhelmed with nostalgia. then i sat there for a while and was suddenly fearful for my future because i wouldn't be around these same people next year. frick i don't want to graduate. I DONT EVER WANT TO LEAVE VANCOUVER AND EVERYBODY IN IT, i thought.

le sigh.

secrets aren't so bad

painting by rene magritte

my sister is playing christmas carols on her harmonica that she just re-discovered. hahahahaha wow. she is cleaning the entire house, something that needs to be done every weekend in my household if we do not wish to drown in a domestic mess.

our house is a disaster right now because we gave away our useless desk, which is where we pile all our shit when we don't know what to do with it. sooo all of that "shit we don't know what to do with" is on the floor. thus the living room looks like a refugee camp. this apartment is so fucking cramped. i could clean for three hours straight and it wouldn't look any neater.

we need a bookshelf asap.

i made birthday cards for aylz and denise. i am a good classmate. man i'm antsy like crazy right now. and my sister has just announced that she gives up cleaning because there's just too much to do. hahahaha.

msn is irritating me. people play little mind games on msn. well isn't this just so profoundly stupid.

there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how

paradise in technicolor

is it raining outside? seems dark and dismal and cold in the apartment. i haven't been outside this ENTIRE LIVELONG DAY wow i am such a hermit. i had a weird dream last nite, which reminded me of an absolutely HORRIBLE, graphic nightmare i had about a week ago...

i was sitting at a lie-down dentist sort of chair, with a bespectacled evil-looking doctor leering over me. it was at some sterile clinic. all white and hospital blue. it seems funnie to say now but everyone looked disturbing and distorted, like this nurse had a freaky huge-ass smile a la stepford wives, and this lady i know was extremely obese, a la violet beauregarde from willy wonka & the chocolate factory.

suddenly i'm on two different iv drips, one entering my right arm vein, and the other my left. i'm in pain and i dont know what fluids are going into my body. (if this is grossing you out you should stop reading now.)

i'm in mild agony and making animal noises when the evil doctor dude finally shows up at my side. he takes the two drips off my arms, and i ask "umm what was that brown fluid on my right arm?". he smiles nastily and replies, "garbage".

GAH

i wake up and the two imaginary iv drip spots are throbbing like crazy.

eww that was fucking gross. HAHAHA i guess i can never be a junky because i was scared as fuck.

today is a transition day. ewww i have four tests and quizzes in the next 7 days or so, it is DISGUSTING. the fact that i will study for all of them is even more gross. chem and history are taking over my life HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha who wants to bet that 90% of this blog is homework complaintdom?

yar.

i want to return my stupid $450 prom dress because i think i spent way too much money on the stupid goddamn thing. i would return it, except i have ZERO INTENTIONS for going prom dress shopping again. oh well i guess i should just wear it until i am in my 20s just to have my money's worth. i am a spoiled ass poor brat.

i'm stalking my new facebook friends. man i need to get a life. i added this girl Sarah, she went to my elementary school. she was nice, but i havent talked to her for about five years? why did i add her?

OK BYES

ps. im going SWIMMING AGAIN TONITE WOW i am looking forward to it so badly. i think i'm addicted to pool smell and water and doing breastroke.

MMM FOOD.

man im so emo-something right now. HELP. listened to jeff buckley then magneta lane then elliot smith, ohh this is not a good sign.

my mom is being too nice. it is grossing me out. huh. what the fuck is my problem?

i have way too many thots in my head and i want to run away from them like the wind!

i cant wait till my computer is repaired so that i can upload my stupid photos onto this computer.

i'm such chickenshit. i couldn't love anybody.

i counted how many people i have blocked out of my 142-people msn contact list. i have 21 people blocked. HAHAHAHA this is more than i thot i had blocked.

i should go finish reading Le Petit Prince. mmmm fuck i have to eventually start thinking about that stupid history test on the cold war.

don't be like the one who made me so old; don't be like the one who left behind his name

what an insane weekend. i am tired as fuck. last nite was Denise's 18th birthday shindig/sleepover.

the usual gang plus malcolm, ryan, xiao, and matt were there and so was david, who was fucking annoying me the entire nite because he was trying to touch me. good thing i was drunk or i might have exploded. i got three hours of sleep tops. i thot i'd throw up but i didnt. i wasn't wasters but after six drinks words were slipping out of my mouth and i probably sounded mother retarded.

the best part was seeing people. malcolm played freestyle jazz on the piano at three in the morning and i died inside and made me emo. HAHAHAHAHA i am always like this when someone plays music in front of me. hmmmmmm

dara disappeared for a while and i was worried like crazy, i dont even know why. i thot she was kidnapped or something. but MAN i was truly worried. everyone else laughed at me hahah.

a bunch of other stuff happened too like ryan broke the glass and eric barfed (woah) and ben was being emo and so was matt. then there was that whole thing with the pot and the sketchy drugdealer character buuuut i didnt get on that because i am sincerely fearful that i will go crazy and never stop once i start.

we are a bunch of crazies!

i fell asleep at 3:30am, woke up at 6:30am maybe. we ate omelettes and bagels with melted processed cheese in the morning. i came home at 1pm and slept for five hours after that.

i had major mood swings in the morning but only inside my head. oh god im weirded out by so many things.

jeez i dont want to be near a house party for a long time.

ps. i opened my week-old acceptance letter from queen's and i got a $10,000 scholarship! and i didnt even apply for it. hahahaha what the fuck. i am flattered.

FINALLY found a picture of my prom dress from the interweb. this will have to do for now because my camera won't upload pictures.

why the fuck am i posting this on my blog? o_O

i'm thinking i should put my hair up in a sleek bun or something. ughhhh that will be a pain to pull off. the shoes in the picture are ugly, i will have to find some nice pair...

NO MORE PROM THINKING

i think i'm going to go swimming again this afternoon. yay

FINALLY put up some of my italia pictures on something other than facebook. here is the first album of lame pictures taken at the Toronto airport. had to wait 4 hours for the connecting flight to Italy. Wooooo funness.

oy. i'm awake and it's 8:09am. i have NEVER woken up this early on a holiday. i even doubt that i woke up this early on christmas when i was a kiddo. i fell asleep early, at midnite, while reading le petit prince...

now check out THIS book. a book on emo culture? i could write that. a lot of people could. jesus. how lame.

the house is silent because my mom and sis are asleep, as they rightfully should be. should i make some breakfast? read? have a crazy dance party by myself? hmmmm?

what goes around comes around

MMMM GELATO

went swimming at thunderbird pool. GOD i love swimming i should do it more regularly. my back stopped hurting when i swam, though now it has returned to its achey cranky state.

i'm listening to jt... cuz im so cool

denise's birthday is shindig is tomorrow. i am excited. i think i will burn cds tonite in case we blast music. i can't think of a good enough gift for her. i get one thing then it doesnt seem good enough? anyway tomorrow should be fun. i'll try to chronicle everything with pictures...

my computer is still fucked. i desperately want to upload pictures but i'm having enough problems with my mouse and keyboard, let alone cameras. uggg.

does half the universe have facebook now, or what? i could just post my pictures there from now on? hmmm.

we'll cut this row of good year like a knife

my pictures from THE VATICAN and ASSISI, ITALY are up on my facebook now.

go look!

i signed out "the little prince" from the library today. the little prince... IN FRENCH. i am so fucking excited to read it. the drawings are in colour (the english/korean copy i own doesnt have colour drawings, boohoo). i am in love.

i have a giant stack of books to read. this stack includes jd salinger's "nine stories", hemingway's "the sun also rises", and a book called "THE CRAZY MAN". interesting. i am looking forward to reading all three. haha it will take me a while.

also... DO THIS QUIZ ON HOW WELL YOU KNOW ME. it's only 8 questions and it doesnt have retarded questions. PLEASE DO IT SO I CAN BE BEMUSED. here is the full scoreboard.


Create your own Friend Test here

lovelove.

my sister came back from that Save the Environment type event held at school with a handful of stickers with green slogans and fluorescent light bulbs.

she says it was a good event. that i should have gone. ugh. i could've but i didnt because i am a loser.

on a completely irrelevant note...

"i am a duck and no one loves me. tear tear drip drip" - quote ester

gold stars for robot boy

this afternoon, we somehow wound up in eastside vancouver (broadway/main) and i felt like an outsider, which is ironic because i fell in love with everything there. we went into cafes that i actually LIKED. this is amazing. i felt like an outsider because i spend all my time in the sterile, clean parts of downtown or in the westside. i guess i am afraid to go places with personality. either that, or i need an accomplice to go on a van-eastside adventure with me.

mang i am weird. i'm afraid of the people and things i love. i don't quite know why. i guess being afraid is part of initially falling in love. thus when i love, i feel afraid. does this mean i am afraid to love? no! i "fall in love" with stuff every day, though i am incapable of showing that i love, especially people. i have become too withered and sour and cynical to show that i love. (holy abstract. since when do i talk like this?)

wow that was some tangent that i went off there.

++++++++++

my friends xiao and paul have recommended me this movie called BEFORE SUNSET and its prequel. we were talking about europe/my italy trip both times. i should watch it. it is supposedly a must-watch for bleeding romantics. HAHAHA.

god im in a weird mood.

click picture for its flickr page!

today i wore my purple jacket/blazer thing that i bought in Florence. plus my cheap midnight blue glass beads that i haggled off a desperate street vendor in Pisa. i like gaudy, colourful jewelry that aren't shiny. hmm, ALTHOUGH you should see the earrings/necklace i am wearing with my prom dress. they are fun and sparkly and toylike. except they aren't really toys... they're pearls and zirconium shit. i dont know what the crap the diamond knockoffs are called.

now i need killer shoes and i am SET for fuckin' prom. ok fine i'm not but i couldn't care less and shouldn't care more. people in our school are way too fucking uptight, especially during these pre-prom days. i am excited for prom in the sense that everyone will be drunk and happy. an insecure girl i know is becoming a ridiculously mean douche. what a pathetic lonely child.

an outrageously small portion of my ITALY PHOTOS ARE UP ON MY FACEBOOK. so go check them if you care. they aren't the greatest, most artistic pictures, but they are nice ones compared to a lot of generic tourist shots!

miles runs the voodoo down

went to see The Syringa Tree at the playhouse. it's about south africa and apartheid, with 24 characters all played by one actress. holy flip, she was exceptionally talented. it was pretty much theatrically perfect and intensely hypnotic, right up to the climax then the falling action was lame as fuck.

i think child characters are much more interesting than adult characters, which is why the 2nd half sucked: the six-year-old girl had grown older. in any case, it was a play definitely worth seeing.

ester, rox, dara and i had lunch at white spot, where we had a shitty waitress. we left her 10% tip, and that was too generous of us. hahaha. dara and i had a chipotle chicken wrap and shared a VANILLA MILKSHAKE! i love milkshakes. i just flickr searched "milkshake" and found the above picture. looks a lot like our lunch. we had "endless" fries. yum.

ps. a new banner is up, if you have noticed! it's "the last judgement" from the Sistine Chapel in the vatican. amazing, yes? i wasn't supposed to take pictures (with flash or otherwise), which is why I only took two pictures of it. Haha.

oh man. i did not do any work tonite. i had a dozen naps maybe, at five minutes each. i feel disoriented. i should have written 700, 800 words for writing but i completely dozed off on the couch.

in other news, i got the Great Gatsby from the library and i have 40 pages left to go, :O, gasp. i cant wait to finish it.

i haven't laughed belly laughs, ie. those laughs that are so intense they make your stomach hurt, ever since i got back from italy. GAH. i am unhappy. i laughed over the randomest funniest shit with xiao in italy, sometimes neither of us could speak after our hysterical laughing fits because we were EXHAUSTED after so much rotfl-ing.

i overheard juicy gossip about 'who got into what universities' today and it was eyerolling-inducing.

++++++++

OH MAN! the funniest thing happened in chemistry class today. i sit in front of ian in that class. sure he usually makes ianish noises and says comments to himself, but today he was freakin' PSYCHO! he sang "frere jacques" to himself (holycrap) then made the weirdest possible ianish comments and ... noises. aiden and i were literally silently laughing at him the entire time. SO. AMUSING.

ian: oooo whats the answer well of course you take the concentration and plug it in to the ka equation but what is this did i get the right answer omg i did of course i did frere jacques frere jacques ding dong ding dong

me: wow ian... you have the most animated talks to yourself.

aiden: *dies laughing*

emily spazzed because ian kept humming tunes. HAHAHAHA poor em.

++++++++

holy mother im tired. my stupid computer is still fucked and it's starting to bother me. but let me SHUT my MOUTH FOR ONCE my LIFE, quote my sister. haha.

i am sooooooo screwed for chemistry it's not even funnie. ive never been this fucked in this stupid subject

ive done the following question about five times straight and each time i do it, i cant remember how to do it again and MUST REFER BACK TO NOTES aka cheat.

titration of acid HA requires 28.4ml of 0.125 M NaOH until endpoint.

initial pH of HA= 2.628
pH after 14.2 ml NaOH = 4.191

what is original concentration of HA?


HOLY FUCK. DIE TIRATIONS DIE

above is a painting by surrealist Rene Magritte
called "La trahison des images" (The Treason of Images).

ATTN HARRY POTTER GEEKS

Read this article "the unlikely phoenix" on the Spinners End

no, actually. read it

...

was that not incredibly intelligent and enlightening? jesus christ.

I BOUGHT A PROM DRESS

this is an accomplishment because i bought a dress the first store i went to, within 1.5 hours. after months and months of procrastinating. i clearly own at life.

i took a picture of the dress, but i can't put it on the computer because my computer is fucked and won't recognize stuff i plug into my USB drives. my two cameras and memory card drives can't communicate with the goshdang camera. !!!!!!!!!!! RAGE. i woulda been REALLY pissed had i not uploaded my Italy pictures onto the computer already.

fuckin electronix. grrrr.

the dress was hella expensive (ie. $450) which is why i am going to look around other stores and find one that is possibly better for cheaper

god. i ABSOLUTELY DETEST shopping with a purpose in mind

anyway all i have left to worry about is... hair shawl makeup shoes clutch.

BARF